


1-800-outtakes

by lol-phan-af (lol_phan_af)



Series: 1-800-did-I-ask [100]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Break Up, Caretaking, Epilogue, Family Reunions, Getting Back Together, Multi, Pre-Slash, Sickfic, Texting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-13
Updated: 2017-03-10
Packaged: 2018-09-23 22:38:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 40,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9684449
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lol_phan_af/pseuds/lol-phan-af
Summary: oh, you wanted a twist?outtakes from the 1-800 series OR ""the poly triangle is the main focus bc I'm ~Trash~""





	1. Advice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lafayette, Hercules, and John give James advice about dating Alex.
> 
> !!!!mentions of panic attacks!!!! stay safe!!!!

**jmadzzz** : I need your help

**laf** : oh!! james!!

**laf** : wait what happened to alex what's going on

**jmadzzz** : nothing!! he's fine!! he's asleep actually

**johnn** : laf just jumped out of bed like where were you gonna go

**laf** : VIRGINIA

**more like HUNKules** : I

**more like HUNKules** : anyway it's good that he's asleep

**jmadzzz** : yeah the ball dropped, he kissed me and thomas, talked to thomas' sisters for ten minutes, then passed out and fell off their couch

**johnn** : sounds like alex

**laf** : also haha james you are a lovely person and I'm happy you're dating alex now but bc I am constantly worried about everything all the time

**laf** : if alex isn't FATALLY HARMED, then what do you need help with??

**laf** : and I mean that in the kindest way I'm just A Mess

**jmadzzz** : I was just wondering haha

**jmadzzz** : like,,,,advice?? on how to date alex

**jmadzzz** : I'm on fire please help me

**laf** : oH!!

**johnn** : aW THATS SO CUTE

**jmadzzz** : I am the worst person to date, but like I try to be better?? at it?? idk but bc you're already dating alex and know him Best

**jmadzzz** : I need Help on ways I can Improve

**more like HUNKules** : okay well I'm crying

**jmadzzz** : I'm s o sorry

**more like HUNKules** : no it's fiNE YOURE FINE

**johnn** : we get Really emo when other people validate the fact that we love each other

**more like HUNKules** : r T

**laf** : a n y w a y, of course!! we'll help you!! we just,,,,don't know where to start

**johnn** : I DO

**johnn** : haha okay so, a thing you need to know about alex, is that he loves people with his Whole Soul

**johnn** : his. Whole. Soul.

**johnn** : and if this relationship works out, which we hope it does bc you already make alex So Happy, he's going to love you So Hard

**more like HUNKules** : LITERALLY

**laf** : GETTING TO BE LOVED BY ALEX LITERALLY FEELS SECURE IN THE PU R EST POSSIBLE WAY I LOVE HIM S O MUCH

**johnn** : and now two of my spouses are crying

**jmadzzz** : oh no

**more like HUNKules** : NO LITERALLY ITS LIKE YOUR SOUL IS BROKEN OPEN AND LIQUID LIGHT IS POURING OUT AND THAT SOUNDS WEIRD BUT LIKE ITS R E A L  
  
**laf** : !!!

**johnn** : sometimes when he looks at you you can see it too

**laf** : it happened to hercules last week and he started dry heaving

**more like HUNKules** : l i s t e n

**jmadzzz** : ,,,,,shouldn't you be more concerned about that??

**johnn** : probably

**johnn** : one time it happened to me and I was so floored I got lightheaded and fell backwards down a flight of stairs

**johnn** : but it was okay bc I wasn't harmed in any way and alex literally carried me to our room and kissed me over and over until I was okay

**laf** : anyway basically just,,,,be careful,,,,,,

**laf** : you should be fine if you have any remnants of strength

**more like HUNKules** : we do not

**jmadzzz** : I thought I did but like,,,,,alex's arms are wrapped around my waist,,,,and I'm crying

**johnn** : Welcome To Hell

**laf** : aside from,,,,the Risks,,,,,what else could we tell you about??

**more like HUNKules** : you should know this,,,,,but I know alex Won't tell you,,,,so like

**more like HUNKules** : he Can't wake up alone

**johnn** : !!!!!!!!! !! !!! !!!!!!!

**laf** : and when hercules says that he Can't we don't mean that he like doesn't Like to, we mean that he Can't

**more like HUNKules** : if he falls asleep alone and Then wakes up alone, he should be kind of okay

**more like HUNKules** : but if he falls asleep with someone next to him and wakes up alone he has really bad panic attacks

**johnn** : this is of Deathly!!! Importance!!!

**jmadzzz** : oh no

**jmadzzz** : can I tell thomas that actually I feel like he should know that

**laf** : YES ITS VERY IMPORTANT

**jmadzzz** : why wouldn't he tell us that omg

**laf** : he thinks that if he's too """"high maintenance"""" then we won't want to date him

**more like HUNKules** : he doesn't get that we would literally Die before ever leaving him

**johnn** : you don't have to be on that level yet

**laf** : but you have to be on like,,,,Protecting Alex: The Basics

**jmadzzz** : of course

**more like HUNKules** : idk what else we really Need to tell you besides Protect Him

**johnn** : honestly like alex is such an amazing person, you kind of want to figure him out for yourself, bc loving him is fun, and he's very cute and again, if this relationship does work out, which we hope it does, you're Going to fall in love with him

**laf** : and When, not even if but When, you fall in love with alex, you're gonna get it

**laf** : why we're literally so !!!! abt it

**jmadzzz** : thank you

**jmadzzz** : you're all So Nice tbh

**jmadzzz** : also haha like I don't want to overstep my boundaries but like

**jmadzzz** : is it normal?? to feel like Really Afraid

**jmadzzz** : like I would talk to thomas about this but he's Dead Asleep right now and also cuddling alex and I would rather die than break it up

**johnn** : okay first, send pictures, second I?? are you okay???

**jmadzzz** : I don't want to like,,,,,pour my feelings out to you?? so like???

**laf** : oh you totally can

**more like HUNKules** : yeah like we're Here

**jmadzzz** : I

**jmadzzz** : I just feel like I can't Handle this

**jmadzzz** : like I completely Wanted to do this, like I agreed and I'm So Happy that I get to date alex but like!!

**jmadzzz** : idk if you noticed from my Entire Being, but I've Never been in a poly relationship before and I'm terrified that I'm going to fuck it up

**jmadzzz** : tHIS IS THE WORST BTW IM ON F I R E IM SO S O RRY

**more like HUNKules** : you are Fine

**johnn** : you're worried about that??

**laf** : literally being poly is so fun you get to love So Many people

**laf** : I love you all so much

**johnn** : we love you too

**laf** : anyway!! as long as you Trust each other and like,,,,communicate and love each other, you should be fine

**more like HUNKules** : honestly

**johnn** : also like !!! just Let it Happen, don't like,,,,,try and make your relationship One thing when it's leaning towards a Different thing just ~~go with the flow~~

**jmadzzz** : thank you so much honestly I just don't want to,,,,ruin this

**laf** : yeah that Fear happens sometimes I get it

**jmadzzz** : haha I'm dying

**johnn** : literally don't worry about it alex is gonna want to date you now matter how Bad you think you are at dating  
  
**more like HUNKules** : but just know if you ever hurt him we Will kill you

**laf** : on purpoSE

**laf** : IF YOU EVER HURT HIM ON PURPOSE

**laf** : then yeah we'll literally rip you apart

**jmadzzz** : got it

**johnn** : oh my god I want a divorce

**laf** : ruDE

**johnn** : okay so we're not lying

**johnn** : but also like,,,don't be afraid of them

**johnn** : we're (kind of) good people we're just Also very protective of each other

**more like HUNKules** : yeah,,,,honestly

**jmadzzz** : I totally understand that

**jmadzzz** : still thank you so much

**johnn** : it was no problem honestly

**laf** : if you ever need anything again just ask

**jmadzzz** : !!!

**more like HUNKules** : and as much as we Would probs continue talking to you about how great getting to date alex is, john and laf are falling asleep and I have to carry them upstairs so goodnight james

**jmadzzz** : goodnight!! thank you again!!

**more like HUNKules** : it was No Problem

\---

**little lion** : it is t h r e e in the morning

**jmadzzz** : sorry

**little lion** : you're cute so I'll forgive you

**jmadzzz** : I appreciate it

**little lion** : wanna make out

**jmadzzz** : I

**jmadzzz** : yes

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the shortest texting thing in literally four months and I have no clue what it's about haha Kill Me


	2. Because He's What? Sickening

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James is sick and Thomas is Mother Husband-ing. 
> 
> mentions of pills?? idk just in case though!! be safe!!

  
**macaroni fUCK** : oh my god I'm awake and cold

**macaroni fUCK** : fu ck the sun

**little lion** : the sun isn't as bright as you are <3

**macaroni fUCK** : I

**macaroni fUCK** : my gay heart

**little lion** : !!!

**macaroni fUCK** : @@james where are you I'm coLD

**jmadzzz** : I'm dying

**macaroni fUCK** : WHAT

**jmadzzz** : remember last night how you were like ""are you okay"" and I was like ""haha yeah""

**macaroni fUCK** : james

**little lion** : oh no

**jmadzzz** : it appears one of us was wrong

**jmadzzz** : I've been up for four hours

**little lion** : l o v e

**macaroni fUCK** : scale from 1-10??

**jmadzzz** : like an 8 or smth

**jmadzzz** : rapidly approaching a nine

**macaroni fUCK** : did you take literally any medicine at all yet

**jmadzzz** : ,,,,,,,,

**macaroni fUCK** : james I swear to god

**macaroni fUCK** : where the f u ck are you

**jmadzzz** : guest bathroom

**jmadzzz** : I didn't want to wake you

**macaroni fUCK** : I love you so much but at the same time you worry me to no end

**jmadzzz** : sorry

**macaroni fUCK** : it's no problem dear

**little lion** : I'm so concerned

**jmadzzz** : you don't have to be

**macaroni fUCK** : oKAY I HAVE ALL OF THE MEDICINE NECESSARY, THE THERMOMETER, AND BLANKETS

**macaroni fUCK** : YOU COULD EITHER LAY IN THE BATHTUB OR I CAN DRAG YOU BACK TO OUR BED YOU DONT GET TO STAY ON THE BATHROOM FLOOR I WILL NOT HESISTATE TO DRAG YOU PLACES

**macaroni fUCK** : THE COUCH IS ALSO AN OPTION

**jmadzzz** : I'll take the bathtub bc Convenience

**macaroni fUCK** : I ALSO HAVE YOUR SOFTEST SWEATER AND THOSE FUCKIN ~~COOLING SOCKS~~ THAT YOU HAVE SO MANY PAIRS OF FOR SOME REASON

**jmadzzz** : thank you so much I love you

**macaroni fUCK** : I love you too

**little lion** : aw

\---

**macaroni fUCK** : I want to give you an explanation but I don't know how to word one

**little lion** : oh our private chat hello dear

**little lion** : is he going to be Okay

**little lion** : that's my main concern rn

**macaroni fUCK** : yes this happens sometimes

**macaroni fUCK** : usually it's like,,,Minor Colds,,,,but then sometimes this happens and I've gotten damn near Magnificent at taking care of him when it does, so he'll make a full recovery in maximum six days

**little lion** : god bless

**macaroni fUCK** : I can send you updates if you want

**little lion** : are you sure he'll be Fine

**macaroni fUCK** : yes I'm 100% certain

**little lion** : okay

**little lion** : also yes updates please

**macaroni fUCK** : he's asleep now, which is good,  and will probably wake up in about two hours complaining about his neck hurting bc he doesn't Fit in our bathtub with the way he's laying

**macaroni fUCK** : and I might sleep for like an hour on the floor next to him and fuck up my Entire spine but that's fine

**little lion** : no

**little lion** : do not do that

**little lion** : please take care of your spine

**macaroni fUCK** : my spine is as straight as I'm Not I can stand this

**little lion** : you both need to take care of yourselves more I swear

**macaroni fUCK** : can't You take care of us

**little lion** : yES

**little lion** : LITERALLY!!! LET ME BE A HOUSESPOUSE!!! SUPPORT MY DREAMS!!!

**macaroni fUCK** : h o u s e s p o u s e

**little lion** : yES

**macaroni fUCK** : omg

**macaroni fUCK** : also bc you responded immediately when I texted you I'm going to ask

**macaroni fUCK** : how Long have you been awake

**little lion** : well it's 9 now so like five hours

**macaroni fUCK** : W H Y

**little lion** : my signifs Hate Me and went to the gym, which they For Some Reason they have to leave for super early, meaning they have to wake me up before they go, and I just didn't go back to sleep

**macaroni fUCK** : when did you go to sleep

**little lion** : like three

**macaroni fUCK** : that's one fucking hour of sleep alexander

**little lion** : don't full name me

**macaroni fUCK** : gO TO BED

**little lion** : but my signifs will be back soon and I love them

**macaroni fUCK** : but they'll be sweaty and gross and you Don't want that

**little lion** : true right

**little lion** : putting a note on the door telling them that if they even Think about getting in our bed while sweaty I will wake up and kill them and Then I'll go to bed

**macaroni fUCK** : oh dear lord

**little lion** : I love you

**macaroni fUCK** : I love you too!!

\---

**johnn** : I

**johnn** : alex left us a note on our bedroom door and I love him sm

**laf** : what does it say omg

**johnn** : okay, and I quote, ""Dear John, Laf, and Hercules, I love you dearly and I'm very grateful that I have you in my life but if you even Think of getting in our bed while you're sweaty and Gross then I will not hesitate to murder you the second I wake up. I love you!! Yours, Alex.""  then there are a ton of tiny hearts on the paper with little knife drawings

**more like HUNKules** : oh my god

**laf** : I would come up and look at it but my legs don't work anymore

**more like HUNKules** : relatable

**johnn** : I'm completely fine actually I could probably go back for another hour

**laf** : you Disgust me

**johnn** : love you too

**laf** : love you

**johnn** : !!!

**johnn** : seriously though I am still Full of energy

**laf** : nice wanna use it to get me ice please

**more like HUNKules** : me too

**johnn** : of course loves

**more like HUNKules** : love you john

**johnn** : love you too!!

**laf** : if you get me more water also I'll make you dinner

**johnn** : why don't I just Make Breakfast that way we don't have to worry about it

**laf** : PLEASE

**more like HUNKules** : P L E A S E

**johnn** : I'm coming downstairs rn

**laf** : Y E S

**more like HUNKules** : MY L O VE

**laf** : OUR (SOON TO BE) HUSBAND!!

**johnn** : !!!!!!

**johnn** : I love you both so much!!!

**laf** : we loVE YOU TOO!!

**more like HUNKules** : love you!!

**johnn** : !!!

\---

**macaroni fUCK** : james is awake now and complaining about his neck but his nose is all stuffed up and he has cute lil socks on so it just sounds and looks adorable

**jmadzzz** : it is not adorable I hate everything

**macaroni fUCK** : so cute

**jmadzzz** : n o

**little lion** : oh my signifs showered and then got in bed with me this is nice

**little lion** : anyway hello loves!!

**jmadzzz** : hello alex!!

**macaroni fUCK** : he's smiling at your little contact picture thing on his phone and I'm just sitting next to the bathtub,,,,loving him above almost everything else

**little lion** : that's so cute!!

**jmadzzz** : tf what do you love more than me

**macaroni fUCK** : nothing

**macaroni fUCK** : but I love you and alex the same so you're at the same level

**little lion** : I love you too

**macaroni fUCK** : !!!

**jmadzzz** : can I move to our bed

**macaroni fUCK** : yes bc I'm making food and like knowing that you're Safe

**jmadzzz** : do I have to eat the food

**macaroni fUCK** : yES

**jmadzzz** : please no

**macaroni fUCK** : james.

**jmadzzz** : fine

**little lion** : does this always happen

**macaroni fUCK** : yes

**macaroni fUCK** : he's very stubborn and I'm only patient out of love

**macaroni fUCK** : if it was any other situation I would drag him through our house and pour chicken broth Down his throat until he was near drowning

**jmadzzz:** I

**jmadzzz** : if it was any other situation you would be the one getting dragged through our house

**macaroni fUCK** : okay true but Like seriously you have to eat

**jmadzzz** : fine I'm getting our snuggies and I'll be in the living room

**macaroni fUCK** : why my snuggie

**jmadzzz** : I need full coverage

**little lion** : omg

**jmadzzz** : tbh I need one of those robes that alex wore to work that one time that looked v nice

**little lion** : omg the one hercules made me!! it's v soft I love it sm

**macaroni fUCK** : is that the one I tripped and fell on

**little lion** : yeS OMG

**little lion** : I'll never forget that james was so Exasperated

**jmadzzz** : I still am

**macaroni fUCK** : RUDE

**little lion** : aw I still love you it's fine

**macaroni fUCK** : I love you too

**macaroni fUCK** : also james where tf are you it's been like ten minutes

**jmadzzz** : I can't get my sweater off :^(((

**macaroni fUCK** : you are The Cutest

**macaroni fUCK** : I'm on my way

**little lion** : wait am I Not the only one who doesnt like when my sleeves go over each other

**jmadzzz** : nO

**little lion** : god bless

**macaroni fUCK** : I think his fever is getting better but idk

**jmadzzz** : it doesn't feel like it

**little lion** : :^(( feel better love

**jmadzzz** : thank you darling

**little lion** : !!!

\---

**laf** : are you okay love you look,,,,kind of Distant

**little lion** : james is sick and I'm apparently better at lying than I thought

**laf** : ??

**little lion** : I'm acting like I don't absolutely want to curl up in a ball and Suffer and they believe it

**laf** : oh alex

**little lion** : I hate this I don't want to deal with this but he's my boyfriend and I care about him and I just!!! I want to be with him as much as I don't want to do this  
  
 **laf** : he's going to be okay right

**little lion** : yeah according to thomas this happens sometimes and he's really good at taking care of james when it does but I'm still !!!

**little lion** : fuck this is so stupid!! it's not going to happen again!! literally that's not what's happening at all!! but I'm so fucking scared holy shit!! and I can't tell them that bc it requires an explanation as to why!!

**laf** : I

**laf** : first of all I love you with all of my heart and it's important that you know that

**little lion** : I love you too

**laf** : second of all, it is not!! stupid!! it's real and valid and you deserve to feel how you do

**little lion** : are you okay

**laf** : yes I'm fine this conversation is not about me

**little lion** : but you're crying

**laf** : bc you're so!! strong!! and amazing and and you deserve to Feel things

**laf** : you're precious to me and You Need to Know That

**little lion** : I love you so much

**laf** : I love you too!! now back to this

**laf** : okay I know you and james haven't told each other that you love each other yet but you Love Each Other

**little lion** : true

**laf** : !!! right

**laf** : thomas and james love you literally so much, like on my, john's, and hercules' level

**laf** : it's That High Up

**laf** : and!! bc they love you Just as much as we do!! they understand that you don't need to explain everything!! you're allowed to not tell us stuff bc you're not comfortable!!

**little lion** : but the thought of telling them anything makes me uncomfortable!!

**laf** : a l e x a n d e r

**little lion** : l a f a y e t t e

**laf** : I can't force you to tell them, and I'm not going to do it myself bc I respect your wishes, but I am going to Advise that you tell them bc your mental health is important to All of your signifs, bc we All care and love you

**little lion** : I don't want to tell them Right Now

**little lion** : not when james is at Peak Sickness and it will make them self conscious about telling me stuff and I Need the updates

**laf** : understandable

**little lion** : thank you

**little lion** : for understanding and for trying to help me and for loving me in general and telling me that thomas and james love me you are so dear to me literally

**laf** : it's a small thing to do for someone I love

**little lion** : love you

**laf** : love you too

**little lion** : oh john is awake

**laf** : he's just touching hercules' face

**little lion** : if you slept next to hercules Wouldn't You

**laf** : true

**johnn** : oh hello

**johnn** : listen I'm really gay I can't help it that I sleep with such beautiful people

**little lion** : aw

**laf** : you're so cute

**johnn** : oh I just read up

**johnn** : honey

**little lion** : it's nothing I promise

**johnn** : can I hug you

**johnn** : laf is kind of lying away from you so like idk

**little lion** : of course

**little lion** : also laf is lying away from me bc their elbows can't stay in one place

**laf** : rude

**little lion** : other than that you're flawless

**laf** : not true but you're cute so I'll believe it

**little lion** : :^)))

\---

**jmadzzz** : thomas!!

**macaroni fUCK** : I'm like ten feet away

**jmadzzz** : throat hurts

**macaroni fUCK** : oh love

**jmadzzz** : come cuddle me

**macaroni fUCK** : as much as I would like to love I'm still making food :^((

**jmadzzz** : @@alex come cuddle me

**little lion** : I

**little lion** : you seriously want me to drive to your apartment just to cuddle you??

**jmadzzz** : yes

**little lion** : I

**little lion** : I'll get my keys

**jmadzzz** : yay!! you're The Best person in the world

**little lion** : you're adorable

**little lion** : I'm bringing the robe hercules made me

**jmadzzz** : y e s

**macaroni fUCK** : alex you are Not allowed to get sick

**little lion** : I won't I promise

**little lion** : plus getting to cuddle james is worth it

**macaroni fUCK** : unbelievable

**jmadzzz** : <3 <3 <3

**little lion** : <3 <3 <3

**little lion** : getting in my car now I'll see you soon!!

\---

**little lion** : the lady at the front desk just fucking

**little lion** : ""you know mr. madison is home right?? this is why you don't do things like this, it always ends up going wrong. I just hope you make the right choices in your life""  
  
 **macaroni fUCK** : lmao kill her

**little lion** : she still won't let me up please help me

**macaroni fUCK** : Every Time

**jmadzzz** : I will come down there in my dual snuggie Robes and carry you bridal style up here I could've been fucking Snatched by now but she Had to do this

**macaroni fUCK** : you can barely carry your own head on your damn shoulders sit Down I'm calling her

**jmadzzz** : fine  
  
 **little lion** : ty thomas!!

**jmadzzz** : ""please,,,jsut,,,,,let him up,,,,,,,,,,he's our boyfriend,,,,,yes both of us,,,,,,please,,,,,,thank you"" iconic

**macaroni fUCK** : we lit explained that I wasn't cheating on james Before the poly triangle was a thing and she still just

**little lion** : I'm at your door rn

**macaroni fUCK** : coming!!

**jmadzzz** : alexander!!

**little lion** : james!!!

**macaroni fUCK** : you're both so cute omg

**little lion** : !!!

**little lion** : oh my god these snuggies are an atrocity

**jmadzzz** : thomas picked them out

**little lion** : tbh I'm not surprised

**macaroni fUCK** : oKAY FIRST OF ALL I PICKED OUT THE ZEBRA ONE, THE CLOUDS PATTERN WAS ALL JAMES

**jmadzzz** : anyway

**macaroni fUCK** : RUDE

**jmadzzz** : come here and Cuddle Me

**jmadzzz** : also we're watching one day at a time

**jmadzzz** : the netflix one

**little lion** : YE S

\---

**johnn** : THOMAS JUST SENT ME PICTURES OF ALEX AND JAMES CUDDLIGN I FEEL BLESSED

**laf** : SEND!! THEM!!

**johnn** : IN ONE OF THEM ALEX LOOKS SO CUTE HES SMILING

**johnn** : YKNOW IN THE SOFT WAY HE DOES WHEN HE TALKS TO US OR SHOWS US PICTURES OF DOGS OR SNAKES IN SWEATERS

**johnn** : AND HIS HAIR IS UP IN A BUN AND HE'S WRAPPED UP IN THE PURPLE ROBE HERCULES MADE HIM AND HIS HANDS ARE LIKE SOFTLY TOUCHING JAMES' HAIR AND JAMES' HEAD IS LIKE ON ALEX'S CHEST AND HES LIKE MID-LAUGH AND HE'S HOLDING ALEX SO TIGHT BUT ITS LIKE SO SOFT

**johnn** : THIS IS THE MOST BLESSED IMAGE IVE EVER SEEN ITS LIKE CONCENTRATED PURITY

**more like HUNKules** : JO H N S E ND IT

**johnn** : RIGHT RIGHT RIGHT

**johnn** : FUCK ITS SO CUTE I WANT IT FRAMED IN OUR HOUSE

**more like HUNKules** : S E N D  I T

**johnn** : IM GO IN G

**johnn** :  G O D

\---

**macaroni fUCK** : I killed john

**little lion** : ??????

**little lion** : ??????????????????????

**little lion** : ???!?!??!??!!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!??!??!?!??!?!

**macaroni fUCK** : I sent him the pictures of you and james cuddling

**macaroni fUCK** : and proceeded to have him reply with seventy-two (72) messages of incoherent letters and then one message that just says ""BLESSED IMAGE"" and one saying he loves me

**little lion** : oh my god he told you he loved you

\---

**laf** : JOHN TOLD THOMAS HE LVOED HIM

**johnn** : IT WAS A MOMENT OF WEAKNESS I WAS  D YH IN G

**more like HUNKules** : S C R E A M I N G

**little lion** : I KNWO WOW THOAMS TOLD ME IM SLAJHDKAHDKSDHKSDH

**johnn** : LISTENNEZND

**little lion** : IM CACKLING

**more like HUNKules** : SAME

**laf** : SAMAME

**johnn** : IM DIV OR CING  ALL O F YOU

**more like HUNKules** : H A

\---

**little lion** : omg wait send me the pictures

**jmadzzz** : same

**macaroni fUCK** : alex I'll send them to you now

**macaroni fUCK** : james you have to take All of your medicine again and Then I'll send them

**jmadzzz** : but I hate it

**macaroni fUCK** : but you were suppposed ot take some of it like two hours ago but alex distracted me by being beautiful

**little lion** : sorry??

**jmadzzz** : don't be you saved me from having to take pills

**little lion** : they'll help you though

**jmadzzz** : but they're Gross

**little lion** : james

**jmadzzz** : f i n e

\---

**little lion** : james is taking medicine rn and thomas kisses his forehead after each one and I fucking love them so much it's so cute

**little lion** : I have been invited to the kissing but I'm declining to take videos of it on thomas' phone

**more like HUNKules** : that's so cute

**little lion** : I love them so much hercules

**little lion** : I love s o m any people

**little lion** : I love you all so much

**more like HUNKules** : we love you too alex are you okay

**little lion** : I'm fine I'm jus t really happy I get to love so many people

**more like HUNKules** : we're happy we get to love you

**little lion** : I want to tell james I love him

**little lion** : however we're still not There yet

**little lion** : and that hurts a bit

**more like HUNKules** : alex

**little lion** : idk like I understand that he loves me, after all he technically said it first, but like my heart is so All or Nothing that not being able to scream abt how much I love him is like physically painful

**more like HUNKules** : are you actually Okay

**little lion** : no but that's alright bc I'm going to bed with 2/5 of the people I love and we're going to cuddle the shit out of each other

**more like HUNKules** : it's six o'clock

**little lion** : I don't have clothes to wear tomorrow,,,,

**little lion** : ,,,,,guess I'll just have to wear theirs,,,,,,

**little lion** : ,,,,,,,,tragic,,,,,,,

**more like HUNKules** : oh my god

**more like HUNKules** : pictures though

**little lion** : of course my love

**more like HUNKules** : !!!

\---

**more like HUNKules** : john and laf are singing dreamgirls songs to me rn please help

**more like HUNKules** : full choreography but w/ more kisses

**little lion** : aW

**more like HUNKules** : john's voice projection terrifies me

**little lion** : one night only??

**more like HUNKules** : highlights version

**little lion** : oh dear god

**more like HUNKules** : are you better now?? like from before??

**little lion** : yeah I was just really !!! sorry!!

**more like HUNKules** : you're fine love you can always talk to us

**little lion** : I know I'm just,,,,in love,,,,,,with All of you

**more like HUNKules** : we love you too

**little lion** : !!!

\---

**laf** : I WAS SUPPOSED TO MAKE JOHN DINNER

**johnn** : no

**johnn** : tired

**johnn** : come sleep next to me

**laf** : @alex are you staying at thomas and james'???

**little lion** : y

**little lion** : !! this is thomas alex and james are currently passed tf out and alex fell asleep after typing the y

**laf** : I

**laf** : so I'm guessing yes

**little lion** : I?? guess?? - thomas

**little lion** : I don't think james is letting go of alex any time in the next eight hours - thomas

**laf** : relatable

**johnn** : rt

**laf** : anyway okay!! that's fine!! I hope james feels better soon!!

**little lion** : thank you I'm going to need that Positivity - thomas

**little lion** : I have to go pass out bye sorry this was kind of weird - thomas

**johnn** : godspeed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is so bad and lost form completely!! haha!! I'm getting sick but I am Not Allowed to do that so fUCK


	3. Standards

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James is afraid of Alex's signifs.

**macaroni fUCK** : james oh my god  
  
 **jmadzzz** : what  
  
 **macaroni fUCK** : that was the worst thing I've ever seen I want a Divorce  
  
 **jmadzzz** : wHAT  
  
 **macaroni fUCK** : ALEX WALKED IN WITH HIS SIGNIFS AND YOU AND I BOTH KISSED HIM  
  
 **macaroni fUCK** : AND THEN YOU TOOK ONE LOOK AT HIS SIGNIFS AND YOU IMMEDIATELY GOT SO TENSE AND FREAKED OUT  
  
 **macaroni fUCK** : AND THEN YOU STOOD LIKE,,,AS FAR AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE AWAY FROM THEM IN THE ELEVATOR   
  
**macaroni fUCK** : LIKE ARE YOU OKAY  
  
 **jmadzzz** : I REALLY SOMETIMES DOUBT THAT YOU HAVE EVER LOOKED AT THEM  
  
 **jmadzzz** : THEYRE S O SCARY  
  
 **macaroni fUCK** : L O  V E   
  
**macaroni fUCK** : THEYRE N O T  
  
 **jmadzzz** : YES  
  
 **macaroni fUCK** : I CANT EVEN TELL WHICH WAY YOU ME A  N   
  
**macaroni fUCK** : LIKE A ""they are legitimately terrifying people and I find them haunting my nightmares"" OR LIKE A ""if they all actually killed me I'd probs thank them""   
  
**jmadzzz** : ITS NEITHER OF THOSE  
  
 **macaroni fUCK** : ???  
  
 **jmadzzz** : I CANT TALK ABOUT THIS RIGHT NOW   
  
**macaroni fUCK** : is this like a crush thing??   
  
**jmadzzz** : N O   
  
**macaroni fUCK** : are you okay then?? like actually  
  
 **jmadzzz** : I'm fine for now  
  
 **macaroni fUCK** : okay  
  
 **jmadzzz** : thank you for being concerned I love you   
  
**macaroni fUCK** : I love you too!!  
  
 **jmadzzz** : <3 <3 <3  
  
 **macaroni fUCK** : <3 <3 <3  
  
\---  
  
 **little lion** : james love are you okay  
  
 **little lion** : me and my signifs are concerned  
  
 **jmadzzz** : I'm fine  
  
 **little lion** : you just seemed really tense and kind of !!! so we all just  
  
 **jmadzzz** : why did Your signifs get worried  
  
 **little lion** : they worry about everyone it's who they are  
  
 **little lion** : it's who We are tbh   
  
**jmadzzz** : that's sweet  
  
 **little lion** : again it's who we are  
  
 **jmadzzz** : thank them for caring   
  
**little lion** : of course  
  
 **macaroni fUCK** : y'all are really set out to hurt me with how cute you are aren't you   
  
**little lion** : collateral damage  
  
 **macaroni fUCK** : RUDE  
  
 **macaroni fUCK** : I want to make out with both of you rn but I have a meeting to not pay attention in in ten minutes  
  
 **jmadzzz** : t h o m a s   
  
**macaroni fUCK** : it's f INE it's the same person who comes in and reads off the emails I get literally the morning of   
  
**macaroni fUCK** : he's basically pointless I don't know why I'm required to go  
  
 **little lion** : @@james we should make out  
  
 **jmadzzz** : agreed but can we make out in your office  
  
 **jmadzzz** : you have that nice couch  
  
**little lion** : I wouldn't if god loved me   
  
**little lion** : but also yes we can you just aren't allowed to judge my desk bc it hasn't been organized since I Got a job here  
  
 **jmadzzz** : I   
  
**jmadzzz** : I can handle that I'm omw  
  
 **macaroni fUCK** : unbelievable   
  
**jmadzzz** : don't hate us cause you ain't us  
  
 **macaroni fUCK** : d i v o r c e d   
  
\---  
  
 **macaroni fUCK** : woRK IS OVER TIME TO T A L K  
  
 **jmadzzz** : no we're going home first and I'm changing into all of my softest clothes and you're going to cuddle the shit out of me and I'm going to Die in your arms   
  
**macaroni fUCK** : oh dear  
  
 **macaroni fUCK** : I'm coming down to the car now  
  
 **jmadzzz** : god bless  
  
\---  
  
 **macaroni fUCK** : are you gonna tell me why you're so scared of alex's signifs now  
  
 **jmadzzz** : I just  
  
 **jmadzzz** : you've Seen Them I don't know how you don't get it   
  
**jmadzzz** : alex's signifs are Ethereal, like he is, and they're gorgeous and so good to him and they set Such high standards   
  
**jmadzzz** : and they're on some weird unattainable level of half human half Divine Entity that I cannot reach and never would be able to reach even if I tried just because I'm not that Kind of person  
  
 **jmadzzz** : and alex!! is on that level and you're on that level and it's incredibly intimidating because I can't Get There and it's !!!!  
  
 **jmadzzz** : terrifying,,,,bc you're both so amazing and for some reason, even though you could have Anyone you wanted, you chose me and you Continue to do that despite the fact that I know I could never live up to what you deserve and idk I guess I'm just worried  
  
 **jmadzzz** : like!! alex's signifs are amazing, and I'm worried that one day he'll wake up someday and realize that I'm not That great, because let's face it I'm not, and then he'll break up with me and then it'll be awkward and ruin your relationship with him and you'll hate me for the rest of our lives and then you'll Leave me and I don't want to lose either of you bc I love you both so much and I just  
  
 **jmadzzz** : please stop crying why are you crying  
  
 **jmadzzz** : thomas??  
  
 **macaroni fUCK** : I   
  
**macaroni fUCK** : I get the fact that alex's signifs are Deities and that trying to live up to the standard they set is kind of scary but like,,,,,we don't have to  
  
 **macaroni fUCK** : they're Amazing people, and we're A Glorious Mess, but alex loves us anyway, and we love him back,,,,and that's?? enough?? for me??  
  
 **macaroni fUCK** : also!! you are literally one of the most beautiful people on the planet and you're so cute and sweet and you're like the universe inside of one human being that Radiates light and comfort like What are you talking about ""not that Kind of person"" you are the Kindest person how dare you undermine yourself like this   
  
**macaroni fUCK** : oh my god I'm so in love with you  
  
 **jmadzzz** : I love you too  
  
 **macaroni fUCK** : !!!   
  
**macaroni fUCK** : moVING ON  
  
 **macaroni fUCK** : you!! are so amazing!! literally you are so out of our league!! you deserve soft things and soft people who are just Warm and make you do that little smile thing when I make you tea but like All the time  
  
 **macaroni fUCK** : and yes I just described alex but like  
  
 **jmadzzz** : thomas I don't even   
  
**jmadzzz** : I fell in love with You   
  
**jmadzzz** : bc you're so !!! in such a bright way and you literally Try so hard for both me And alex and I love you endlessly for that  
  
 **macaroni fUCK** : WE'RE GOING OFF TOPIC   
  
**macaroni fUCK** : BACK TO THIS   
  
**macaroni fUCK** : ALL IN ALL, you are a beautiful person that deserves entire planets dedicated to you and Empires risen in your honor, and you're so much more than anyone deserves  
  
 **macaroni fUCK** : you're so beautiful and you don't even See it which makes No sense because it's so incredibly Present in everything you are and do and there is No Way that me OR alex would ever wake up and think you're not Incredible, bc you are!! you're so magnificent and there's no words that could describe it  
  
 **macaroni fUCK** : I want alex to come over he's better at speaking than I am  
  
 **jmadzzz** : if he starts talking like you are I'll probably sob even harder than I already am  
  
 **macaroni fUCK** : he'd probably tell you he loves you if he does come over  
  
 **jmadzzz** : nope he's on a date tonight he told us abt it at lunch oops Tragic  
  
 **macaroni fUCK** : fuck  
  
\---  
  
 **macaroni fUCK** : when is your date??  
  
 **little lion** : seven!!  
  
 **macaroni fUCK** : oh it's 6:30 already fuck  
  
 **little lion** : are you okay?? you and james have been kind of,,,off?? today??  
  
 **macaroni fUCK** : it's very cute that you noticed and I love you so much  
  
 **macaroni fUCK** : but yeah we're fine it's just !!!  
  
 **macaroni fUCK** : james is scared of lafayette, john, and hercules bc he thinks that he's not Good Enough for you  
  
 **little lion** : WHAT  
  
 **little lion** : DOES HE UNDERSTAND THAT IM THE HUMAN EQUIVALENT OF A WALMART BAG   
  
**macaroni fUCK** : wh at does that even me an  
  
 **little lion** : ITS TRUE THE ONLY REASON I HAVE FIVE SIGNIFS IS BC I APPARENTLY HAVE NICE THIGHS OMG   
  
**little lion** : AM I ALLOWED TO TALK TO HIM ABT THIS LIKE IS HE OKAY WITH THAT  
  
 **macaroni fUCK** : that's Not why we're dating you but Yes you can talk to him   
  
\---  
  
 **little lion** : JA ME S   
  
**little lion** : DE A R  
  
 **jmadzzz** : thomas told you didn't he  
  
 **little lion** : Y E S  
  
 **jmadzzz** : traitor  
  
 **macaroni fUCK** : I love you and I'm concerned  
  
**little lion** : FIRST OF ALL  
  
 **little lion** : YOU ARE SO BEAUTIFUL, JUST AS A PERSON, AND I DO N O T DESERVE YOU IN MY LIFE  
  
 **little lion** : YOURE SO SOFT AND AMAZING AND INCREDIBLY SWEET AND GETTING TO DATE YOU FEELS LIKE A FUCKING COSMIC COLLISION OF EMOTIONS IM SO HAPPY I GET TO BE YOUR BOYFRIEND HOLY SHIT!!!  
  
 **little lion** : ALSO YOU HAVE NO!! REASON!! TO BE AFRAID OF MY SIGNIFS OMG W H Y  
  
 **jmadzzz** : I  
  
 **jmadzzz** : they're all Amazing people, thomas is an Amazing person, as are you, and I just  
  
 **jmadzzz** : I'm like an oversized ball of yarn  
  
 **jmadzzz** : kind of soft and okay to look at but if you touch me I'll probably unravel  
  
 **jmadzzz** : and you don't date balls of yarn  
  
 **little lion** : you're the fucking cutest person I've ever met in my life Who compares themself to balls of yarn   
  
**little lion** : my he a rt  
  
 **jmadzzz** : a l e x  
  
 **little lion** : l it er ally  
  
 **little lion** : also!! my relationship with you, has Nothing to do with my relationship with my signifs  
  
 **little lion** : yes you're all dating me but other than that they're Separate Things, and I expect that they're going to work differently, and I'm more than okay with that because you're all Different People, who I care about and Hopefully care about me  
  
 **little lion** : so you have nothing!! to worry about!! bc I think you're !!spectaCULAR!! and I wouldn't trade you for the world  
  
 **jmadzzz** : thank you alexander  
  
 **little lion** : I meAN IT  
  
 **little lion** : I WOULD KISS YOU RN BUT I CANT  
  
 **jmadzzz** : omg it's almost seven what are you still doing talking to me  
  
 **little lion** : trying to help you, my boyfriend, understand that you are just as important to me as thomas, john, laf, and hercules  
  
 **little lion** : bc yOU AR E  
  
 **jmadzzz** : <3 <3 <3  
  
 **little lion** : <3 <3 <3  
  
 **little lion** : I'm sorry dear but I have to go now bye!!  
  
 **jmadzzz** : bye!!  
  
\---  
  
 **macaroni fUCK** : oh my god just tell him you love him  
  
 **jmadzzz** : I'm not telling him over text message  
  
 **macaroni fUCK** : you love to hurt me don't you  
  
 **jmadzzz** : you didn't tell him you loved him on purpose  
  
 **macaroni fUCK** : ,,,,,true  
  
 **jmadzzz** : exactly  
  
 **jmadzzz** : and despite that conversation we Just had, alex deserves to hear that I love him for the first time In Person  
  
 **macaroni fUCK** : fi ne   
  
**jmadzzz** : wanna make me tea??  
  
 **macaroni fUCK** : do you want to make me hot chocolate??  
  
 **jmadzzz** : sure  
  
 **macaroni fUCK** : then I'll make you tea  
  
 **jmadzzz** : perfect  
  
\---  
  
 **little lion** : DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT WAS TO HAVE THE CONVERSATION WITHOUT TELLING HIM I LOVE HIM  
  
 **macaroni fUCK** : alex oh my god  
  
 **macaroni fUCK** : but yes I can imagine  
  
 **little lion** : HOLY SHIT I LOVE HIM SO MUCH THOMAS AND I WANT TO TELL HIM SO BAD   
  
**macaroni fUCK** : he said he wants to tell you in person  
  
 **little lion** : DOES HE UNDERSTAND THAT I DO NOT CARE AND IF HE TEXTS IT TO ME I CAN PRINT IT AND FRAME IT AND PUT IT ON MY DESK  
  
 **macaroni fUCK** : probs not  
  
 **little lion** : I want to tell him so bad pl ease he lp m e  
  
 **macaroni fUCK** : maybe you should go on a date  
  
 **macaroni fUCK** : like without me   
  
**macaroni fUCK** : and tell him then  
  
 **little lion** : I  
  
 **little lion** : but I want you there and I love you  
  
 **macaroni fUCK** : I love you too but I will banshee screech and you don't need that  
  
 **macaroni fUCK** : also I'll ruin the Mood™  
  
 **little lion** : fine but just know that if he says yes to the date we'll be thinking of you the whole time   
  
**macaroni fUCK** : you're sweet  
  
\---  
  
 **little lion** : james!!  
  
 **jmadzzz** : I thought you were on your date  
  
 **little lion** : we're in the car talking about the lake house we're going to get when we're older I can multitask  
  
 **jmadzzz** : a lake house omg   
  
**little lion** : lafayette has this entire dream of buying a vacation home to go to when we're older and we're all for it  
  
 **little lion** : you and thomas will also be coming but that's in the future so  
  
 **jmadzzz** : I  
  
 **little lion** : anyway!!  
  
 **little lion** : do you want to go on a date with me like next week  
  
 **jmadzzz** : just us??  
  
 **little lion** : yes  
  
 **little lion** : and this Was thomas' idea so he's okay with it  
  
 **jmadzzz** : yes I would love that  
  
 **little lion** : yay!!  
  
 **little lion** : idk what we're doing yet but chocolate will be involved in some way  
  
 **jmadzzz** : okay then I would Really Love that  
  
 **little lion** : !!!  
  
 **jmadzzz** : !!!  
  
\---  
  
 **little lion** : he said yes I love him so much  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : !!!!!  
  
\---  
  
 **jmadzzz** : alex just asked me out I love him so much  
  
 **macaroni fUCK** : !!!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm c ry in gso ahrd


	4. Chocolate Store

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> macaroni fUCK: I think our james might be dying
> 
> little lion: oh dear

**macaroni fUCK** : I think our james might be dying  
  
**little lion** : oh dear  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : well first of all, he's not dressed, other than that he's completely ready but he's lying on our bed looking up at the ceiling talking abt how Amazing you are and how he's Not ready for this  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : it's kind of cute actually  
  
**little lion** : s a ve hi m  
  
**little lion** : also he doesn't have to go it's fine if he wants to cancel  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : I want to fight you for that statement I just don't know why  
  
**little lion** : rude  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : !! okay I got it  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : we love you to Death and don't like when you're willing to be upset for us  
  
**little lion** : I  
  
**little lion** : I love you too  
  
**little lion** : but seriously is he okay  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : yes I just told him that you said he could cancel and he just Screamed  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : ""wHY WOULD I WANT TO DO THAT I LOVE HIM,,,DONT TELL HIM I SAID THAT""  
  
**little lion** : he loves me!!  
  
**little lion** : god I'm so lucky  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : he wants to know like,,,,Around when you're picking him up again  
  
**little lion** : seven  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : what is with you and scheduling dates for seven o'clock  
  
**little lion** : it's not That late but late enough to not be Early  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : ah  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : okay he's up now and Getting Ready  
  
**little lion** : yay!!!  
  
\---  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : he's panicking again abt how he looks  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : which makes no sense bc he's fucking!!! gorgeous  
  
**little lion** : omg tell him he'll look beautiful no matter what  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : he's Screaming now  
  
\---  
  
**little lion** : I'm coming up!!  
  
**little lion** : the door lady isn't at her desk rn omg I'm Sprinting to the elevator   
  
**macaroni fUCK** : jAMES LOOKS!! SO BEAUTIFUL!! YOU'RE GOING TO D I E  
  
**little lion** : omg!!  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : IM SCREAMING  
  
**little lion** : leT ME IN YOUR HOUSE  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : IM COMING  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : I  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : this is so rude  
  
**little lion** : you look so cute rn  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : fU CK YOU YOU LOOK S TU N NIN G  
  
**little lion** : you're wearing james' sweater and those sweatpants are most Definitely mine bc they're too short on you but they're loose in your thighs  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : they are  
  
**little lion** : I love you  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : I love you too  
  
\---  
  
**jmadzzz** : IM COMIGN OUT  
  
**little lion** : we already know you're gay  
  
**jmadzzz** : I want a divorce  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : hA  
  
**jmadzzz** : IM E ME R GING FROM THE HALLWAY TO WHERE YOU ARE AND IM NOT READY BUT IM ALSO VERY EXCITED SO ILL DEAL  
  
**little lion** : I said you could've cancelled  
  
**jmadzzz** : yes but that's Stupid bc you're Amazing and I like spending time with you more than Most Things  
  
**little lion** : <3 <3 <3  
  
**jmadzzz** : <3 <3 <3  
  
**jmadzzz** : oKAY IM COMIGN  
  
**little lion** : woOO  
  
\---  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : so you know how you told me to message you on what alex looks like when he sees james  
  
**laf** : yes  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : well first of all his phone dropped out of his hands  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : second of all (o✪ o ✪o)  
  
**laf** : o m g  
  
**laf** : thATS SO C U T E  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : THYERE JUST DOING (o✪ o ✪o) AT EACH OTHER THIS IS THE GROSSEST THING IVE EVER SEEN IM LIV ING  
  
**laf** : !!!!!! ! !!!! ! ! !!! ! ! !!! ! ! !! ! ! ! ! !  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
\---  
  
**little lion** : I just realized I've never told any of my signifs I love them First??  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : ???  
  
**little lion** : you told me you loved me by Accident, when you were sad and also 20% an idiot bc you were in a pARK ALONE WITHOUT A COAT IN THE M I D D LE OF DECEMBER  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : diDNT WE AGREE NOT TO TALK ABOUT IT  
  
**little lion** : N O  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : FUCK  
  
**little lion** : anyway!! john told me and my signifs he loved us all at once in college  
  
**little lion** : laf told me the morning after that when we First woke up and we were the only ones awake  
  
**little lion** : hercules told me literally that Afternoon bc I have no self control and made out with him for three hours as Soon as I could and I called him beautiful and he told me he loved me and I fucking !!!!  
  
**little lion** : I've never said it first  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : if you're looking at it like that then neither has james  
  
**little lion** : I HAVE OVER TWICE THE AMOUNT OF SIGNIFS HE DOES  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : I  
  
**little lion** : I love all of my signifs so much but I've never said it first  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : we all love you too  
  
**little lion** : I know  
  
**little lion** : after all you said it first  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : omg  
  
**little lion** : hA  
  
**little lion** : I hAVE TO GO WE'RE IN THE LOBBY NOW BYE LOVE  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : bye!!!  
  
\---  
  
**jmadzzz** : I love him so much thomas Help Me  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : just!! tell him that!! he's literally so in love with you he would probably Pay Money to hear you Finally tell him that  
  
**jmadzzz** : sTILL THOUGH WHAT IF HE DOESNT SAY IT BACK  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : I love you dearly but what part of ""he is literally So In Love With You"" didn't you get  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : he's gonna say it back  
  
**jmadzzz** : BEING IN LOVE WITH ME AND LOVING ME ARE TWO DIFFERENT THINGS  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : he loVES YOU, HE'S IN LOVE WITH YOU, ITS LITERALLY SO CUTE HE CALLS ME AT THREE IN THE MORNING CRYING ABT IT SOMETIMES ITS LITERALLY THE PUREST THING EVER IM GOING TO KILL BOTH OF YOU IF YOU COME HOME WITHOUT SAYING IT  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : OR IF HE DOESNT SAY IT  
  
**jmadzzz** : I asked his signifs advice on How to date him when I first started dating him  
  
**jmadzzz** : two hours into the new year  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : I  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : and you never passed on this information why  
  
**jmadzzz** : how did you think I knew that he couldn't wake up alone  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : o H  
  
**jmadzzz** : I was so scared of fucking this up thomas I didn't love him then  
  
**jmadzzz** : I love him now and I'm still so scared of fucking this up  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : oh love  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : I mean, I get it, of course I do  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : idk I guess I lucked out by being able to Not think before I speak  
  
**jmadzzz** : l o v e  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : you won't fuck anything up james  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : you,,,,,also,,,,,already,,,,,,,told,,,,,,,him,,,,,that,,,,,you loved him  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : ,,,,,,two months ago,,,,at the business retreat,,,,,,,  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : he's Known  
  
**jmadzzz** : AND YOU NEVER TO L D M ETHAT  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : UP UNTIL NOW YOUVE THOUGHT IT WAS TOO SOON  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : ME AND ALEX BOTH THINK THERES LITERALLY NO TOO SOON BUT YOU WANTED TO WAIT AND WE BOTH LOVE YOU SO WE WERENT GOING TO MAKE YOU UNCOMFORTABLE  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : BUT NOW THAT YOURE OKAY WITH IT !!!!! FUCKING SAY IT !!!!!!  
  
**jmadzzz** : IM SO SCARED THOUGH  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : DO IT!! DO IT!! DO IT!!  
  
**jmadzzz** : well he's driving so No  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : THERES NO WRONG TIME DO IT NOW!! GO GO GO!!!  
  
**jmadzzz** : consider: idek what songs he has on rn but they have these really Pretty vocals and he's singing along to them and I'd rather die than stop him rn  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : okay  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : I will accept that excuse bc I Relate but if one you haven't said it by the time you walk through our front door I'm killing both of you  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : I will physically hunt down alex's car and attack him  
  
**jmadzzz** : understood  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : good  
  
\---  
  
**jmadzzz** : we're in the eye of the storm  
  
**jmadzzz** : the belly of beast  
  
**jmadzzz** : the hurricane  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : times square?  
  
**jmadzzz** : you know it  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : oh my god  
  
\---  
  
**jmadzzz** : I have No clue where we are but alex is So Angry  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : wh a t  
  
**jmadzzz** : from where we're standing rn, I don't know where we are, but you need reservations to get in and apparenly alex made them but they don't Have them and he's So Angry  
  
**jmadzzz** : okay the girl who checks for reservations is definitely flirting with alex  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : I  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : omg  
  
**jmadzzz** : he's literally so >:^(( that he doesn't even recognize it I don't know how she hasn't Noticed this  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : are you jealous??  
  
**jmadzzz** : I don't think  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : had to ask  
  
**jmadzzz** : it's like,,,,,he's combing his hands through his hair and he Looks thoroughly stressed tf Out ((still cute tho)) and she's like giggling at him,,,,and I'm more Weirded out by this desk woman than Anything else   
  
**jmadzzz** : he almost just hit her in the face bc of how Widely his hands are moving when he talks now I'm screaming  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : shKHSSKHD  
  
**jmadzzz** : WE'RE LEAVING NOW HE SAID THANK YOU TO THE LADY AND DID THAT CUTE LITTLE SMILE AND SHES JUST STANDING THERE COMPLETELY TAKEN A B AC K BC LIKE  
  
**jmadzzz** : LOOK AT HIM  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : true true  
  
**little lion** : WAIT SHE WAS FLIRTING WITH ME  
  
**jmadzzz** : A L E X  
  
**little lion** : sORRY  
  
**jmadzzz** : HOW WOULD YOU HAVE CONTROLLED THAT  
  
**jmadzzz** : LIKE YOU DIDNT DO ANYTHING WRONG  
  
**little lion** : you're so cute  
  
**jmadzzz** : !!!  
  
**little lion** : also that's weird I usually notice when people are Looking at me  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : alexander I love you but you Don't  
  
**little lion** : yeS I DO  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : didn't your signifs have crushes on you for like a year before you noticed  
  
**jmadzzz** : the morning thomas admitted he had a crush on you he called you by first full name and turned Bright red when he said hello to you and then I had to have the whole interaction screamed to me over text message bc you didn't notice Anything   
  
**macaroni fUCK** : james had a crush on you since dolley and martha's ball  
  
**little lion** : YOU W HA T  
  
**jmadzzz** : ,,,,,,,  
  
**little lion** : YOU NEVER SA ID ANYTHIGN UNTIL THOAMS FOUND OUT OMG I  
  
**jmadzzz** : I??  
  
**little lion** : FOLLOW ME I HAVE SOMETHING ELSE PLANNED  
  
**jmadzzz** : I'd follow you to the ends of the earth  
  
**little lion** : now you're just trying to make me blush  
  
**jmadzzz** : it's working  
  
**little lion** : hush  
  
\---  
  
**little lion** : haha almost told james I loved him in that text message and then panicked and sent the message with the I still there  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : I noticed  
  
**little lion** : thomas I love him so much Help Me  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : maybe you should like,,,,,,idk,,,,,just a suggestion  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : tELL HIM  
  
**little lion** : THOMAS  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : NOPE I TOLD HIM THAT IF YOU DONT SAY IT BY NIGHT'S END IM KILLING YOU BOTH  
  
**little lion** : FAIR  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : in All Honesty though,,,,,I'm YELLING  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : literally you!! and james!! both love each other so much!! sO MUCH!! but you won't tell each other!! and it's so confusing bc there is a 0% chance of either of you Not saying it back but you've waited until now, aLLOWING ME TO SUFFER BY NOT BEING ABLE TO SCREAM, to do it, and even now you're still!! si l ent  
  
**little lion** : the moment needs to be Perfect  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : any moment spent with either of you, for anyone, is Perfect  
  
**little lion** : love you  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : love you too!!  
  
**little lion** : now say that to jAMES  
  
**little lion** : we only just got to the car  
  
**little lion** : which means I have to go so bye thomas!!  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : bye alex drive safe!!  
  
\---  
  
**jmadzzz** : he brought me to a chocolate store  
  
**jmadzzz** : also alex in a chocolate store is something I never knew I needed until this very moment  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : omg  
  
**jmadzzz** : he's so cute thomas I swear to god I haven't kissed him since we were in the elevator down from our apartment my heart hur ts  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : I'm cr y i ng jsut k i ss him  
  
**jmadzzz** : I can't he's talking abt his opinions on caramel I'm literally in tears   
  
**macaroni fUCK** : oh wait holy shit this is my Opportunity  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : bring me As much chocolate home as you can afford  
  
**jmadzzz** : I  
  
**jmadzzz** : you're only dating us for our money  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : I could buy and sell you both  
  
**jmadzzz** : sweet  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : I wouldn't though  
  
**jmadzzz** : I'm not going to be flattered by that  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : love you??  
  
**jmadzzz** : ,,,,,love you too  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : <3 <3 <3  
  
**jmadzzz** : <3 <3 <3  
  
\---  
  
**jmadzzz** : AKHKJSDHKJSGHLGLDHKJSDHKJHSDHKSDJHK  
  
**jmadzzz** : LAHHALKDHKJS !!!!KSJHJDHGKSJHGKJS JBKJ!!!!  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : WHAT  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : WHAT WHAT WHAT  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : ITS BEEN AN HOUR DID IT HAPPEN WHATS GOING ON  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : SP E AK T O ME JE M M Y  
  
**jmadzzz** : OKAY SO  
  
**jmadzzz** : PICTURE IT  
  
**jmadzzz** : TIMES SQUARE, TWENTY MINUTES AGO  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : JA ME S  
  
**jmadzzz** : right  
  
**jmadzzz** : Okay So  
  
**jmadzzz** : we're in this chocolate store, it's crowded, but it's literally Times Square so what do expect riGHT?  
  
**jmadzzz** : but it sounds completely!! silent!! for some reason  
  
**jmadzzz** : and alex is holding hands with me and he's looking at mini chocolate bars and I'm staring at him bc he's beautiful and it's Silent so I'm Completely focused  
  
**jmadzzz** : but then alex looked kind of confused like >:^/ and I asked him if he was okay bc I'm a Concerned Boyfriend and he turns to me, stares at me for siX SILENT SECONDS  
  
**jmadzzz** : AND THEN HE KISSED ME  
  
**jmadzzz** : AND HE!! TOLD ME HE LOVED ME  
  
**jmadzzz** : IN THE CUTEST VOICE EVER AND I JUST!!!  
  
**jmadzzz** : DIED I DIED  
  
**jmadzzz** : LIKE,,,HEART STOPPED, ALL BRAIN ACTIVITY CANCELLED, BLANK LOOK FOR A FULL TWO SECONDS BEFORE I SAID IT BACK AND HE SMILED SO !!WIDE!! AND IT WAS SO CUTE AND HE KISSED ME AGAIN AND THEN WE HELD HANDS WHILE WE WALKED THROUGH THE ENTIRE STORE AND WE GOT YOUR CHOCOLATE AND WE'RE ON OUR WAY HOME TO YOU AND I LOVE HIM SO MUCH THOMAS IM GOING TO CO M BU ST  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : BASHEE SCREECH  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : !!! !! ! !! !! ! ! ! ! ! !!!!! ! ! ! !! ! ! ! ! !  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : THATS SO CUTE I LOVE YOU BOTH SO MUCH AND YOU!! TOLD EACH OTHER YOU LOVE EACH OTHER!!! IM C RYIN G  
  
\---  
  
**little lion** : OKAY SO JAMES PROBABLY ALREADY TOLD YOU BUT I TOLD HIM I LOVED HIM AND MY HEART IS STILL BEATING SO LOUDLY IM DYING  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : I wANT DE TAILS  
  
**little lion** : RIGHT OKAY SO  
  
**little lion** : we're in this chocolate store, which is Huge, and they have all these mini caramel chocolate bars and I was talking about them bc they were Beautiful and every time I'd look over he was Looking at me and bc I never Shut Up, the fact that he's listening is So Cute  
  
**little lion** : he's sO CUTE  
  
**little lion** : anYWAY  
  
**little lion** : so I'm stARING AT THESE CHOCOLATE BARS, TRYING TO FIND ANY REMNANTS OF SELF CONTROL LEFT IN ME BC THEY LOOKED SO GOOD AND FOR SOME REASON THE WORLD TRUSTS ME WITH A CREDIT CARD  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : oh dear lord  
  
**little lion** : AND THERE WERE SO MANY PEOPLE IN THE STORE BUT IT FELT COMPLETELY SILENT AND CALM  
  
**little lion** : LIKE YKNOW THE OPPOSITE OF MY CONSTANT STATE  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : I  
  
**little lion** : AND HE ASKED ME IF I WAS OKAY AND I TURNED TO HIM AND I KIND OF WENT haha yeah AND MY HEART WAS !!!! !! !!! ! !!! !!!!!!! !!!! ! !!!! BC I LOVE HIM SO MUCH HES SO BEAUTIFUL THOMAS HES ONE OF THE MOST BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE IVE EVER SEEN ITS LIKE HAVING YOUR HEART BATHED IN HONEY, LOVING HIM  
  
**little lion** : OH!! AND THEN I STARED AT HIM FOR WHAT SEEMED LIKE YEARS AND I KISSED HIM AND TASTED LIKE RASPBERRIES AND THATS SO IMPORTANT HES SO IMPORTANT AND THEN I PULLED AWAY, GOT OFF OF MY FUCKING TIPPY TOES BC Y'ALL ARE TREES AND IM OV ER IT, AND I TOLD HIM I LOVED HIM!!! AND HE SAID IT BACK!! SO I KISSED HIM AGAIN BC HES TOO CUTE AND I CANT HA DN LE IT AND THEN WE BOUGHT SO MUCH CHOCOLATE AND NOW WE'RE COMING UP TO YOUR APARMENT, JAMES BC HE LIVES WITH YOU, AND ME BC I LOVE YOU BOTH SM  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : we love you too!!  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : also james said you didn't reply when he asked if you were okay  
  
**little lion** : yeah that's possible I was Very lovestruck  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : it's like you w an t me dead  
  
**little lion** : n e ver  
  
**little lion** : !!! WE'RE GETTING OFF OF THE ELEVATOR NOW !!!  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : !!!!  
  
\---  
  
**little lion** : I need to move more of my clothes here  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : some of the stuff in our dresser is yours  
  
**little lion** : you are Still Wearing the only pair of sweatpants I keep in your apartment  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : I'm not taking them off  
  
**little lion** : fine then I'm wearing james' sweater and No pants as revenge  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : ,,,,,,fuck  
  
\---  
  
**little lion** : !!!! I ALMOST FORGOT TO UPDATE YOU  
  
**laf** : DID IT HAPPEN  
  
**more like HUNKules** : ?????????????  
  
**johnn** : I WANT DETAILS  
  
**little lion** : OUR RESERVATIONS APPARENTLY NEVER GOT THROUGH SO THEY WERENT SCHEDULED SO THAT DIDNT HAPPEN BUT THATS FINE BC WE WENT TO A V BIG CHOCOLATE STORE AND I TOLD HIM I LOVED HIM AND HE!!! TASTED LIKE RA SPBER R IES AND I LOVE HIM SO MUCH IM GOING TO EXPLODE  
  
**laf** : aH!!!!  
  
**johnn** : THATS SO CUTE I LOVE YOU SM  
  
**little lion** : I LOVE YOU TOO!!  
  
**more like HUNKules** : LOVE YOU ALEX  
  
**laf** : LOVE YOU!!  
  
**little lion** : !!!!!  
  
**little lion** : !! I'm in their living room now and I don't know why thomas likes drinking wine so much but we're sitting on the couch, which is Prime Soft btw I would die on this couch, drinking and eating chocolate while watching mamma mia  
  
**johnn** : we're Also watching mamma mia,,,,,which is weird  
  
**little lion** : I picked it  
  
**johnn** : okay then that's a little less weird  
  
**little lion** : we're literally the same people john  
  
**johnn** : ,,,,,,anyway  
  
**johnn** : we're on Sos and now and hercules and laf are singing it to each other and laf is In hercules' lap and it's so fu n n y I'm wheezing  
  
**little lion** : FILM IT AND SEND IT TO ME  
  
**johnn** : I CANT THE SONG ENDED  
  
**little lion** : fuCK  
  
**laf** : you missed the super trouper harmonizing  
  
**more like HUNKules** : I still don't know how you get your voices to go so high  
  
**laf** : Dedication  
  
**johnn** : Passion for the Music  
  
**little lion** : Courage  
  
**more like HUNKules** : unbelievable  
  
\---  
  
**little lion** : okay so I've been thinking abt it  
  
**little lion** : and there's me, laf, john, hercules, james, and thomas  
  
**little lion** : that's six people  
  
**johnn** : it's midnight thirty why are you Up  
  
**little lion** : we're still watching musicals but now it's beauty and the beast and also ""midnight thirty""  
  
**johnn** : yes  
  
**johnn** : also sorry love I'm awake now and What are you talking about  
  
**little lion** : right!! so six of us total  
  
**johnn** : yes  
  
**little lion** : we should all cuddle together at some point  
  
**little lion** : for my Health  
  
**johnn** : I love you  
  
**little lion** : I love you too!!  
  
**little lion** : but seriously this cuddling thing  
  
**johnn** : I'm for it  
  
**johnn** : but I want to be next to you I can't be surrounded by the Tree People that we're in relationships with I'll die  
  
**little lion** : oh same I Can't do that  
  
**little lion** : but like this is an all day thing we're only allowed to get up to eat  
  
**johnn** : I  
  
**johnn** : I'm Still for it  
  
**little lion** : yay!!  
  
**little lion** : now I just have to,,,,,Inform everyone else  
  
**little lion** : bc it's Happening I'll pay money  
  
**johnn** : godspeed love  
  
**little lion** : thank you  
  
**johnn** : I'm gonna go back so sleep now but I'm still For this six person Cuddle Session just so you know I'm also just really tired  
  
**little lion** : that's fine!! we're going to bed now too I love you!!  
  
**johnn** : I love you too!!  
  
**little lion** : <3 <3 <3  
  
**johnn** : <3 <3 <3  
  
\---  
  
**little lion** : someone carry me  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : same  
  
**jmadzzz** : I  
  
**jmadzzz** : come on  
  
**little lion** : this makes me feel like a child  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : this is giving me Ideas abt james' strength and his Abilities  
  
**little lion** : unbelievable  
  
**little lion** : also not happening at any point tonight  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : oh I know  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : ,,,,maybe tomorrow morning  
  
**little lion** : I  
  
**little lion** : you two can do whatever but I'll be Dying in your bathroom bc we went through Multiple bottles of wine in three hours  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : ,,,,,okay me too  
  
**little lion** : right  
  
\---  
  
**jmadzzz** : I love you alex  
  
**little lion** : I love you too!!  
  
**jmadzzz** : I would tell you out loud but thomas is Snoring  
  
**little lion** : that's fine!!  
  
**little lion** : also I've never heard him snore before  
  
**jmadzzz** : does it sometimes after he gets Really drunk  
  
**little lion** : makes sense  
  
**little lion** : I love you both so much  
  
**jmadzzz** : we love you too  
  
**little lion** : !!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this makes no sense Forgive me i haven't eaten in like nine hours


	5. Crying™ Part II

**little lion** : I love thomas so much??

**little lion** : oh I though this was in a different chat but w/e

**little lion** : like it's five in the morning but that's Okay and I just looked at my phone and it's april 22??? which means it's been six months since I started dating you??? like that's so!! stellar!! I love you so much!!

**little lion** : for starters you're just so beautiful

**little lion** : like when you smile and your lips just start to Slowly curl up like they're fighting it but then all of your teeth show and it's so bright and lovely and your cheekbones are !! even more prominent when you smile and I love it so much!! fuck!!

**little lion** : and then you start LaUGHING and it's like the world has been crACKED OPEN and light is pouring into the world and into my Very heart and soul and it's like music to my ears it's so bubbly and light and the way your shoulders shake and your hands come up over your heart and how it Builds from the golden Sunshine laugh to where your face is red and you're making no sound other than that high pitched whistling sound and your eyes are watering and it's so fuNNY but you HATE when you do it bc you think it's hideous but it's fucking adorable holy sh i t

**little lion** : and when you speak!! and your accent is like the smooth slow drawl like the feeling of crushed velvet on your skin and it feels like you're being put under a trance and I can't Get Into it bc I won't have the energy to properly Handle the situation but!! it's like long pieces of parchment that Curl at the edges and the way your voice sounds like your handwriting bc it's fluid and fancy and how you Talk in cursive Don't question me this is a fact

**little lion** : I Love hearing you speak, as long as you stop to kiss me

**jmadzzz** : a l e x he's going to die when he reads this

**little lion** : I'm just at his mouth I haven't even gotten started

**little lion** : also why are you awake

**jmadzzz** : me and thomas both have it set so that when you text us our phones do a really loud beeping noise to wake us up

**jmadzzz** : thomas currently has his phone on do not disturb bc his siblings won't stop texting him and his phone starts glitching when he goes in the chat so he can't Leave or put just that chat on do not disturb

**little lion** : I

**little lion** : first: why the text tone for me

**little lion** : second: why are his SIblings awake

**jmadzzz** : bc you text us in the middle of the night a lot and we like talking to you bc we love you

**jmadzzz** : second of all they took a trip to england and he doesn't like being with them, let alone in another country, so he opted out

**little lion** : oh it's ten in the morning there

**jmadzzz** : yeah

**little lion** : okay!! I love you too btw that's so sweet

**little lion** : I'm going to continue though

**jmadzzz** : go ahead sorry I'm getting up to go shopping soon

**little lion** : I still don't know why you do that

**jmadzzz** : it's fun for me

**little lion** : I

**little lion** : anyway back to my Overwhelming love for thomas

**little lion** : Speaking of kissing

**little lion** : you kiss me like you're physically putting your heart in my hands and it feels like a hit to the chest in a Good way and your lips are always so soft bc you're fuckin weird and rub that High Concentration lip moisturizer into your lips that tastes so Strongly of synthetic mint it gives me a buzz but that just might be the fact that you put more dedication into kissing than some people put into their careers

**little lion** : tbh I love kissing you so much like when your hands, which are fucking Huge btw, hold the sides of my face and I get to run my hands through your hair and you hold on to me like you'll physically leave this plant of existence if you're not Stuck to me which I am moRE THAN FOR LIKE Y E S

**little lion** : also I love your hair so much?? like how it bounces when you walk or do that fucking thing where you bounce from leg to leg that I used to Hate bc you were always so smug about it with your Long Legs and your fucking smirk but now it's like You are the Cutest person alive and I'm so lucky that I get to love you

**little lion** : and how your hair Always Smells like coconuts like Same bc I steal laf's shampoo constantly but like yours is so sweet and nice and Soft with your curls like tree branches winding beautifully out like you're made of Nature, forged by sunlight and everything good in the world like summer breezes and your eyes that shine like amber and precious stones

**little lion** : I'm quoting my own poetry at this point but I'm not wrong

**jmadzzz** : poetry??

**little lion** : I have a 300+ piece Collection of disgusting love poems about my signifs I wear Many hats james

**jmadzzz** : would you ever let me read any??

**little lion** : No

**jmadzzz** : fair enough

**little lion** : I don't need y'all to start quoting me in everyday life I'll Die

**jmadzzz** : that's understandable

**jmadzzz** : I love you

**little lion** : love you too!!

**little lion** : right

**little lion** : anyway!! I'm so happy that we started dating!! like you went from this Rudely Attractive Arch Nemesis to Ridiculously Adorable Ray of Sunshine that I get to date

**jmadzzz** : you considered him your nemesis??

**little lion** : doNT YOU HAVE EGGS TO BUY OR SMTH

**jmadzzz** : I think we have eggs

**little lion** : you don't

**jmadzzz** : I'll take your word for it

**little lion** : I'm over your house a lot I know what's in your fridge

**little lion** : ANY!! WAY!!

**little lion** : sometimes you call me really late at night and then you start?? apologizing to me again?? and you're crying and it Breaks my heart that I can't be there with you all the time and you don't have to be Like I said Terrible stuff to you too it wasn't a one sided thing and I love you so much hand my heart over to you willingly

**little lion** : and then the day after that you always come into work and you're slumped over and you look So Sad and I love you so much and then we sit on my office doing Nothing when we should be,,,,yknow,,,,,working,,,,,but I just hug you until you're Okay and you're so warm and cute and you do not Fit on the couch in my office bc you're so Tall I love it so much

**little lion** : and you're so!! kind and amazing and so Unbearably cute it Hurts me and the fact that you go out of your way to love me is so much more than I could ever ask you I love you so dearly thomas I hope you never forget that

**little lion** : we've only been dating six months but at the same time we've been dating for Six Months

**macaroni fUCK** : I'm awake now

**macaroni fUCK** : a l e x

**little lion** : thomas!!

**little lion** : we've been dating for six months.

**macaroni fUCK** : I've noticed love and I'm so grateful for that I love you so much

**little lion** : I love you too

**macaroni fUCK** : this is so sweet alexander oh my god

**little lion** : I mean,,,,,it's the Truth

**macaroni fUCK** : h us h

**macaroni fUCK** : okay first of all the high pitched whistling laugh thing Is Hideous and I hate it how dare you call it adorable

**little lion** : it!!! is!!! adorable!!! I love you so much!!

**macaroni fUCK** : I love you too!! but like!!!!

**macaroni fUCK** : ,,,,,you know you're really not as vague with your kinks as you think you are

**little lion** : listen

**macaroni fUCK** : you can't just Start by calling my accent smooth you have to like Build to that

**little lion** : we'RE NOT TALKING ABOUT THIS

**macaroni fUCK** : also who the fuck Likes southern accents

**little lion** : I think they're charming if you're not Gross Southern

**little lion** : and also make me go weak at the knees it's Very Real

**macaroni fUCK** : jesus

**little lion** : you love me  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : of course I do

**little lion** : !!!

**macaroni fUCK** : and apparently you a Little more than love my accent

**little lion** : you rUINED IT

**macaroni fUCK** : you're cute

**little lion** : f u c k  y o u

**jmadzzz** : y'all are so cute I'm yelling in this grocery store

**little lion** : don't!! even get me started on you james

**jmadzzz** : oh dear

**macaroni fUCK** : we need cereal

**jmadzzz** : I have it

**macaroni fUCK** : my Hero

**jmadzzz** : my responsibility

**macaroni fUCK** : DIVORCED

**little lion** : KHALKHSLKJHAFL;SDHKJ;DHK

**little lion** : I JUST WOKE UP JOHHNNHNH N

**jmadzzz** : love you thomas!!

**macaroni fUCK** : C ho k e

**jmadzzz** : sorry love that's your thing not mine

**macaroni fUCK** : IM QUITTINGIGNG NG

**little lion** : AHHHH!!!! HHH!  !HHH HH! ! H!HH!H !H!H!HH! ! !!!!!! HHH!  !! ! ! ! !H

**macaroni fUCK** : IM GOING TO SHOWER FUCK Y'ALL

**little lion** : love you thomas!!

**jmadzzz** : love you!!

**macaroni fUCK** : HWATEVER

**macaroni fUCK** : LOVE YOU TOO

\---

**johnn** : I just saw your gc with thomas and james and I really wish I didn't

**little lion** : ;^))))))

**johnn** : ew

**little lion** : go back to sleep love it's too early

**johnn** : I wouldn't be awake if your giggling didn't Disrupt me

**johnn** : but maybe if I wasn't,,,,,,so gay,,,,,I wouldn't sacrifice my sleep to hear you giggling

**little lion** : omg I love you so much you're so cute

**johnn** : I love you too!!

**little lion** : are we doing anything today??

**johnn** : hercules wants to go to the craft store today and I'm probs gonna go with him to make sure he doesn't go bankrupt

**little lion** : I love him

**johnn** : same

**little lion** : he's so cute

**little lion** : like a little button

**johnn** : you just compared our 6'2" Incredibly muscular and broad soon-to-be husband to a Button

**little lion** : yes

**johnn** : unbelievable

**little lion** : you're like one of those Smol buttons that hercules keeps in his button box but never actually uses

**johnn** : remember that dress lafayette used to have that was Covered in buttons

**little lion** : they still have that actually it's shoved in a box somewhere in our apartment

**johnn** : w h y

**little lion** : they still think it's cute but it's apparently uncomfortable to sit in

**johnn** : well ye A H

**johnn** : ITS LIKE 100% BUTTONS

**little lion** : I DONT ASK LAFAYETTE WHY THEY DO THE THINGS THEY DO

**johnn** : STILL

\---

**jmadzzz** : okay so I got groceries

**jmadzzz** : but like,,,,,,then I passed this really cute bookstore,,,,,,

**macaroni fUCK** : james

**jmadzzz** : I don't even Need anything in here

**jmadzzz** : that's not stopping me from spending money though lmao

**little lion** : I wanna go :^(((

**jmadzzz** : it's so cute there are a ton of like soft chairs and stuff here with lamps on tables next to them I Need to take you Both here someday

**macaroni fUCK** : I would love that tbh

**little lion** : same but I make No promises on how much time I'll actually spend with you there

**little lion** : bookstores are my hunting grounds and you Can't stop me

**jmadzzz** : I'm completely okay with that tbh

**macaroni fUCK** : same

**little lion** : god bless

**little lion** : also john and me are making breakfast rn so while he cooks,,,@@james it's time to get!! poetic!!

**jmadzzz** : oh dear

**macaroni fUCK** : h A

\---

**johnn** : it's so quiet down here

**little lion** : I???

**johnn** : idk I'm usually like the Last person to wake up so I'm not down here alone much

**little lion** : we literally wake up all the time to eat pasta

**johnn** : yeah but usually I'm half asleep so I don't notice

**johnn** : speaking of can we have pasta now??

**little lion** : no bc it's only six in the morning and all we have left is penne pasta and you pronounce it Wrong

**johnn** : it's!!! pen-ay!!! not!!! penny!!!

**little lion** : p E NNY PASTA IS RIDE OR DIE JOHN

**johnn** : nO

**little lion** : oh!! can you make me waffles

**johnn** : I 

**johnn** : yes

**little lion** : I have to Murder my boyfriend with paragraphs abt how much I love him

**johnn** : james or thomas??

**little lion** : james!! I already killed thomas

**johnn** : I

\---

**little lion** : james!!

**jmadzzz** : oh dear

**little lion** : you're so!! fucking cute!! you're like the human version of when you have a really big Crush on someone, and then they smile and your heart does the flippy thing four million times over bc holy shit!!! and you smile back like an Idiot bc they're so infectiously beautiful

**little lion** : I remember the first time I ever actually made you smile tbh

**little lion** : and I almost had a heart attack

**jmadzzz** : d a r l i n g

**little lion** : it was like a fuckign diVINE INTERVENTION and I had been ABSOLVED FROM MY SINS AND THE WORLD CRACKED OPEN AND  T H E N  ID BEEN INTRODUCED TO THE HEAVEN ON EARTH THAT IT IS YOUR LA UGH  
  
**little lion** : your laugh!! is like a summer thunderstorm set to music the way it rumbles in your chest and becomes a symphony of Beauty and everything warm in the world and how your shoulders shake and you get the little wrinkles on the sides of your eyes and Your hands come up to your stomach and it's just so Breathtaking to watch you laugh sometimes I Can't even laugh with you bc I'm so Taken by it

**little lion** : and sometimes when you laugh and I Don't and you notice and then we just kind of stare at each other for a moment and then you!!! kiss me!!! and it's So Gentle with your hands on my back and it feels like the Good kind of burn and like watercolor paint bleeding into too thin paper and like candle wax melting and falling on dark wooden tables and everything is!! melting together into the most magnificent mix of emotions and feelings

**little lion** : like the first sip of hot chocolate that fogs up my glasses but that's Okay or like silk sheets and drinking those plastic shot glasses that come with Really Good cough syrup

**little lion** : the grape stuff that's like Top Level Shit

**jmadzzz** : I'm going into cardiac arrest in the erotic fiction section of this bookstore

**macaroni fUCK** : why are you in the erotic fiction section

**jmadzzz** : hush

**little lion** : and when you speak!! with your accent!! that you don't even let show at work bc you think people ""won't take you seriously"" as if your accent isn't Perfect like tf??? you're So Important??? every aspect of you is Important and your accent is so fucking Nice it's fucking Revolutionary!!! and sometimes I don't even appreCIATE IT AS MUCH AS I SHOULD

**little lion** : LIKE THE FIRST TIME I EVER HEARD IT AND I WAS LIKE ITS!! SO CUTE!! BUT I DIDNT SAY ANYTHING AS OPPOSED TO THE FIRST TIME I EVER HEARD YOU SAY ""BUTTER BREAD"" AND I FELL OUT OF MY CHAIR

**jmadzzz** : I still can't believe you did that

**little lion** : your!! voice!! is so nice!! it's like melodic and I love it and You so much!!!!

**little lion** : AND WHEN YOU CALL ME DARLING!! AND IT COMES OUT LIKE DARLIN'

**little lion** : N!! FUCKING!! APOSTROPHE!!

**little lion** : I SHOULD BE OFFICIALLY DECLARED DECEASED I SWEAR TO GOD

**little lion** : your voice is like what eating vanilla cake feels like in your Heart or a Really Warm Hug and I swear I could listen you talk for H o u r s

**jmadzzz** : I love you too literally so much

**little lion** : you're so fuckign cute!! the way your cheeks get all bright when you smile and how the part in your hair Somehow entertains Trendiness but also demonstrates how Exasperated you are @everything all the time and I love it so much

**little lion** : but at the same time?? you use shampoo that has no smell??? which I don't get At All bc your hair smells like Honey and Pure Love but bc your shampoo has No!! Smell!! that means it's just natural?? whihc makes no!! sense!! but then again you're literally Made of Honey and Pure Love,,,,,

**little lion** : fuck

**jmadzzz** : how long have you been thinking about this

**little lion** : since the first time I ever took a shower at your apartment and saw the No Smell shampoo I saw on your shelf that didn't have ""TJ"" written in permanent marker on it in too big letters

**macaroni fUCK** : rude

**jmadzzz** : I

**little lion** : it makes No Sense james

**little lion** : moVING ON

**little lion** : you're so fucking Amazing

**little lion** : it's like you were born to House the Sun, to be made of pure light because you are!! you shine so brightly in my life and it's so sad!! that you'll never know what it's like to be able kiss the Literal Sun but I'm so grateful that I do!!!

**little lion** : your personality it like a fucking flower field it's so sweet!! it's beautiful to be able to love you and be able to appreciate you bc you're Dazzling

**little lion** : and Before I started dating you when we were on our way to virginia and I was just getting to know you and it was like having the whole other World that's contained inside of you Opened to me and you're magnificent and I'm so!! happy!! that I get to love you!!! omg!!

**little lion** : and you're so tall!! and you For Some Reason think my Astounding smolness is cute and you smile at me every time you notice that I have to get on my tippy toes to kiss you which is Rude and Cruel but I accept it bc you're You and !!!!

**jmadzzz** : oh my g o d al e x

**macaroni fUCK** : we should go out Later

**jmadzzz** : rt

**little lion** : omg

**little lion** : also where??

**macaroni fUCK** : ,,,,,,,our living room

**little lion** : oh m y god

**macaroni fUCK** : I will bring my Smooth Slow Drawl of an accent

**little lion** : TH O MA S

**macaroni fUCK** : I'm never letting this go Ever

**little lion** : I want a Divorce

**macaroni fUCK** : it's cute

**little lion** : thomas I once kissed the corner of your jaw and you couldn't Recollect your thoughts for a full Hour you don't get to taunt me abt this

**macaroni fUCK** : ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

**macaroni fUCK** : moving on

**little lion** : HA

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> haha I'm so!!!
> 
> tumblr: lol-phan-af come yell w/ me


	6. The Past

  
**little lion** : you woke us up to kiss us goodbye!!

**johnn** : we've Learned by now

**more like HUNKules** : !!!

**laf** : goodbye loves!!

**little lion** : bye!!

**more like HUNKules** : we'll miss you!!

**johnn** : we'll miss you too!!

**little lion** : @@@HERCULES

**more like HUNKules** : I already know love

**more like HUNKules** : let me just plug my phone back in and then I'll Crawl across the vast expanse of our bed to cuddle you and go back to sleep

**little lion** : y e s

**little lion** : I love you so much

**more like HUNKules** : I love you too!!

\---

**laf** : I hate my life!!

**johnn** : rt

**little lion** : HA

**laf** : I still don't undersand why you don't have to go on this business trip and we do

**little lion** : bc this project that gwash wants to do doesn't require me to be there until later

**johnn** : you finance this Whole company what the fuck

**little lion** : I mean

**little lion** : I don't

**little lion** : but it's cute that you think washington would give me that much responsibility

**little lion** : anway!! I already sent my estimates in, which have Always been accurate, so I don't really need to be there until it actually Begins

**little lion** : which is great!! bc that means I don't have to present anything

**laf** : you love presenting things tho

**little lion** : I love hercules more and would Much Rather stay at home with him

**more like HUNKules** : I love you too

**little lion** : you're awake!! let's go eat!!

**more like HUNKules** : ten minutes

**little lion** : oh my god

**more like HUNKules** : hey you married me

**little lion** : unbelievable

**laf** : speaking Of That our one year anniversary is coming up soon!!!

**little lion** : two weeks!!

**little lion** : also hercules is Asleep again but also kissing my shoulder I love him so much

**johnn** : aw

**little lion** : we've been together for seven years omg

**laf** : being together for six years and being together for seven are Such different things that's so weird

**little lion** : riGHT

**little lion** : I love you all So Much

**johnn** : we love you too!!

**little lion** : !!!

**little lion** : hercules' arms are so strong Why God

**laf** : you're just now noticing this??

**little lion** : no but I'm trying to turn to face him but he's Death Gripping me and I'm trapped

**little lion** : I want!! to kiss him!! on the forehead!! why is he working against me!!

**johnn** : you're so cute

**little lion** : sO IS HERCULES BUT I CANT SEE HIM

**johnn** : oh my god

**little lion** : also how is the Carpooling

**laf** : OH LETS TALK ABOUT IT

**little lion** : oh dear

**laf** : JOHN IS AFRAID TO TOUCH ANYTHING IN THIS CAR

**johnn** : EVERYTHING LOOKS SO EXPENSIVE IM AFRAID

**little lion** : there's a little heart drawn in sharpie marker on one of the doors

**laf** : when did you draw this

**little lion** : who said I drew it

**laf** : your signif of Seven Years who knows what your hearts look like

**little lion** : ,,,,,,,,I drew it about a year ago,,,,,,and thomas let me bc I kissed him before I did it which basically renders him incapable of Most Thought

**laf** : called it

**johnn** : aw

**johnn** : also I hate this bc I want to make out with laf but I Can't but if we didn't carpool then I still wouldn't be able to bc then one of us would be driving

**laf** : that's Too Real I've been kissed twice today, both times by our husbands who Are Not Here and I hate that

**little lion** : <3 <3 <3

**johnn** : they're talking to us now

**laf** : we have to go!!

**little lion** : okay!! I'm gonna go to bed until hercules stops trying to suffocate me in his sleep so pray that I live!!

**johnn** : OH

\---

**johnn** : wE HAVE TWENTY MINUTES UNTIL THE FIRST MEETING

**johnn** : @@LAF BRING YOUR LIPS TO ME

**laf** : if this pimple on my eyebrow doesn't go the fuck away in 0.2 fucking seconds I'm cutting off all of my skin

**johnn** : LIPS

**johnn** : TO ME

**laf** : it's so fuckign unecessary nobody Asked for her to be here @eyebrow pimple

**johnn** : L A F A Y E T T E

**laf** : FINE IM COMING WHATEVER

**johnn** : EXCUSE ME

**johnn** : KISSING ME IS A BLESSING HOW DARE YOU

**laf** : a blessing is this pimple Listening to me and going away

**laf** : You, however, are a Gift

**johnn** : I

**johnn** : I love you

**laf** : I love you too!!

**johnn** : I thought you were going to Lovingly Insult me and then you

**johnn** : did that and Loved Me

**laf** : I always love you

**johnn** : come!! here!!

**laf** : on my way

**johnn** : !!!

\---

**little lion** : I love you both so much but like

**little lion** : spending time alone with hercules is really nice

**laf** : we're in meetings now and I hate my life but I Get That

**johnn** : I love hercules sm

**more like HUNKules** : do you want me Dead

**little lion** : never

**johnn** : what are you doing??

**little lion** : hercules is making me breakfast shirtless and we're listening to Soft music and he's Singing and then he stops sometimes to kiss me

**little lion** : I'm sitting on the counter watching it

**johnn:** okay first of all I want videos

**johnn** : second of all I feel like you married us just to have people to make you breakfast

**little lion** : ,,,,,,,

**little lion** : it wasn't like the Main Thing,,,,,,,but it was A Thing

**more like HUNKules** : wow our whole marriage is based on my ability to scramble eggs

**little lion** : not just eggs

**little lion** : you also scramble my Heart  
 **  
more like HUNKules** : I

**little lion** : also when you look at me sometimes, that Feeling in the pit of my stomach gets me p Scrambled

**more like HUNKules** : ,,,,,later

**little lion** : I'll be here all day

**johnn** : CAN Y'ALL NOT WE'RE STILL IN A MEETING

**more like HUNKules** : jealousy isn't a good look john

**johnn** : I can work it

**laf** : amazing

**johnn** : also!! I hate the guy talking rn

**laf** : j o h n

**johnn** : he's like kind of nice looking but other than that he has no redeeming qualities

**laf** : I

**little lion** : what is he talking about??

**laf** : the guy or john

**little lion** : both I guess

**laf** : oh the guy, whose name is lee, isn't the presenter he just Hasn't Stopped Talking for the past twenty minutes

**laf** : and it's not like in the cute way like when you do it and our hearts Constrict bc we love you so much, he's just,,,,,,objecting,,,,,to everything the Actual presenter is saying

**little lion** : I love you too and Gross

**laf** : yeah

**johnn** : he just fucking smirked at me what the fuck

**johnn** : I would literally sacrifice my job rn just to be able to fight him

**more like HUNKules** : j o h n

**laf** : please don't do that

**laf** : please stop glaring at him

**johnn** : I hate him

**laf** : lo ve

**johnn** : he's presenting in like 45 minutes I hope I Die

**little lion** : godspeed dearest

**johnn** : okay this meeting is over and now we get to go to lunch perfect lafayette come eat with me and we can talk abt how cute our husbands are to Calm me Down

**laf** : why is that your relaxing activity

**johnn** : ,,,,,,,,,have you ever Looked at our husbands

**laf** : ,,true

**little lion** : <3 <3 <3

**more like HUNKules** : <3 <3 <3

**johnn** : !!! <3 <3 <3

**laf** : <3 <3 <3 !!!

\---

**more like HUNKules** : the road to el dorado is so gay it's sO GAY

**little lion** : I can't believe you've never seen this movie before

**little lion** : you're 31 years old

**more like HUNKules** : shhhh watch the movie

**little lion** : you started this conversation??

**more like HUNKules** : this is like Us level gay

**little lion** : if media was Us level gay the world would be a better place tbh

**more like HUNKules** : true

**little lion** : I want to kiss you rn but you'd just keep watching the movie

**more like HUNKules** : I'd try and defend myself but it's a Really Good Movie

**little lion** : I swear to god

**more like HUNKules** : love you??

**little lion** : you're lucky you're cute

\---

**laf** : I loVE THAT MOVIE!!

**more like HUNKules** : ITS SO GOOD

**little lion** : he was talking abt the chel/miguel/tulio ot3 for like fifteen minutes In Detail and I love him so much

**johnn** : true

**more like HUNKules** : this is my favorite movie now

**more like HUNKules** : this is all I want to watch for the rest of my life

**little lion** : you're so cute please let me kiss you

**more like HUNKules** : if we miss Anything we're going back

**little lion** : Fair

**johnn** : I!! doNT!!!!! WANT TO BE HERE!!!

**johnn** : I WANT TO BE AT HOME GETTING IN ON THE KISSING

**little lion** : you're coming home tomorrow love

**johnn** : YEAH BUT L AT E TOMORROW

**little lion** : we'll wait for you

**johnn** : I love you so much

**little lion** : I love you too!! now go!! to your meeting!!

**johnn** : BUT THE LEE GUY IS SPEAKING AND I DONT!! LIKE HIM!!

**little lion** : G O

**johnn** : F I N E

**little lion** : LOVE YOU!!

**johnn** : YEAH LOVE YOU TOO

**johnn** : WOULD RATHER BE PROVING THAT TO YOU VIA MAKING TF OUT INSTEAD OF LISTENING TO THIS MAN SPEAK BUT !!

**little lion** : aw

**little lion** : 35 hours

**johnn** : u G H

\---

**more like HUNKules** : whO IS AT THE DOOR

**more like HUNKules** : DISRUPTING ME FROM MAKING OUT W/ MY BE AUTIFUL HUSBAND

**more like HUNKules** : WHO IS VERY WARM AND SOFT

**laf** : I thought you were watching the road to el dorado

**more like HUNKules** : yeah but then alex was like Can I kiss you and I was like Yes and then he kissed me and I remembered how nice it is to kiss alex so I paused the movie and we've been making out for an hour

**laf** : I

**laf** : I get it tbh

**laf** : john is also gripping his chair like a Vice now listening to this guy talk

**more like HUNKules** : oh god

**more like HUNKules** : the person at the door is still here fucking kill me

**more like HUNKules** : this better be important I'm putting on pants for it

**laf** : omg

**little lion** : thighs

**more like HUNKules** : you don't even say anything anymore just "thighs"

**little lion** : Nice Thighs

**more like HUNKules** : that's more like it

\---

**more like HUNKules** : I have no clue who this man is

**more like HUNKules** : he's Really Scottish though

**little lion** : I can hear him from here

**little lion** : wait

**little lion** : hercules who is that

**more like HUNKules** : I don't know

**little lion** : ask

**more like HUNKules** : are you okay??

**little lion** : ask.

**more like HUNKules** : okay

**more like HUNKules** : oh

\---

**laf** : is everything okay??

**johnn** : we'RE OUT OF OUR MEETING AND NOW WE HAVE A BREAK AND IM GOING TO FIGHT LEE

**johnn** : oh wait I have messages

**johnn** : !! are you okay???

**more like HUNKules** : uhm

**more like HUNKules** : uhhhhhh

\---

**more like HUNKules** : new chat

**laf** : ?? what was wrong with our other one??

**more like HUNKules** : alex isn't in this one

**johnn** : but we love him

**more like HUNKules** : sO DO I WHICH IS WHY WE NEED THIS CHAT

**johnn** : ???????

**more like HUNKules** : uhm okay so like

**more like HUNKules** : I'm not saying that alex's father is Here, yknow the one he hasn't seen in 20 years who I want to light on fire

**more like HUNKules** : but he's in the doorway and alex won't let him come in, which I support fully, but he can't speak either

**more like HUNKules** : the last time he said something was when he asked me to go into another room, but then grabbed my arm and told me to wait on the stairs and I kissed him on the forehead and nodded

**more like HUNKules** : so I'm hiding on the stairs

**laf** : WHAT

**johnn** : IS ALEX OKAY

**johnn** : LIKE OBVIOUSLY NOT BUT LIKE IS HE MAINLY OKAY

**laf** : ALSO UPDATES PLEASE

**johnn** : PLEASE

**more like HUNKules** : of course

**more like HUNKules** : also no

**more like HUNKules** : like he isn't Speaking, which is understandable, but he's also like shaking and close to tears and this is Bad

**laf** : oh no

**more like HUNKules** : Leech Entity just asked if I was his boyfriend and alex said ""husband"" and that's the first time he said anything to him since he's been here

**more like HUNKules** : the first time he's said anything to him in 20 years

**more like HUNKules** : I want to physically Hurt this man

**johnn** : same

**more like HUNKules** : he asked to come in but alex just shh'd him and he's still shaking and I want to Do Something but technically I'm not Here

**more like HUNKules** : alex just asked why he was here and his voice is all choked up and he?? has an accent??

**more like HUNKules** : there could not be a Worse time to say this but Whatever accent it was was So Cute

**laf** : I didn't know alexander had an accent

**johnn** : neither did I

**more like HUNKules** : I've never heard anything even Close to it

**more like HUNKules** : oh

**more like HUNKules** : alex's brother died three weeks ago

**laf** : fuck

**more like HUNKules** : he's sobbing now but he just told me to stay on the stairs again

**johnn** : Protect Him hercules please

**more like HUNKules** : he won't!! let me!!

**more like HUNKules** : apparently there was a funeral a while ago but nobody really,,,,,,knew where alex was,,,to tell him about it

**laf** : maybe he would fucking know where alex was if he didn't fucking !!!!!!!!

**laf** : as soon as this meeting is over I'm Attacking gwash, stealing thomas' car, and coming home

**johnn** : however that's gonna be awhile bc we're four hours away

**more like HUNKules** : bring thomas and james w/ you

**more like HUNKules** : alex is gonna need all of the love and support he can Get tonight

**laf** : of course

**johnn** : f u c k

**more like HUNKules** : agreed

\---

**more like HUNKules** : he's??? trying to act??? like nothing's wrong???

**johnn** : alex???

**more like HUNKules** : leech entity ((LE))

**laf** : I'm Seething with anger I'm going to kill that man

**laf** : don't let him touch anything in our house and whatever he does touch we Burn

**more like HUNKules** : alex is still crying and he's pacing now and LE keeps calling him 'lex and alex just told him not to but I don't think he listened

**laf** : okay correction

**laf** : he doesn't come in

**laf** : close the door, handcuff him to the doorknob, you know where the handcuffs are

**laf** : and then leave him there

**laf** : and then when we get there, I will light him on fire Myself

**johnn** : Yes good plan

**more like HUNKules** : fuck

**more like HUNKules** : f u c k

**more like HUNKules** : sorry while I'm all for that plan, things are still happening

**more like HUNKules** : alex basically said the same thing you did that maybe LE would know where he was if he didn't fucking leave and LE was like ""we could be a family again. me, you, and your mom""

**more like HUNKules** : he actually said that

**laf** : no

**laf** : nononononononono

**johnn** : if he did apparently like,,,weeks of research to find Our Love and Light, and he didn't?? find out?? that his mom died??

**more like HUNKules** : alex just told him to come in but Don't touch anything and Don't close the door and then to stand to the side so he could do it himself

**more like HUNKules** : alex is screaming at him now

**more like HUNKules** : he's still crying

**more like HUNKules** : guys

**laf** : I NEED THIS MEETING TO BE OVER

**johnn** : SAME I NEED TO GO HOME AND KILL THE FUCKING LEECH CREATURE THAT HURT MY HUSBAND AND THEN CUDDLE AND SUPPORT ALEXANDER FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE

**laf** : john is Shaking with anger right now

**johnn** : so are you

**laf** : moving on

**more like HUNKules** : I feel like I Shouldn't tell you what he's saying

**more like HUNKules** : like I feel like it's not my place

**laf** : that's okay

**more like HUNKules** : it's just

**more like HUNKules** : it's really Personal

**more like HUNKules** : LE said that he loved alex's mom and alex is saying how he doesn't Get!! to say that bc he left and stuff

**more like HUNKules** : ""I'm not ten years old anymore, james, meaning you haven't been my father for a long fucking time"" g u y s

**johnn** : ALEXANDER

**laf** : ITS OVER WE'RE OUT WE SEE GWASH WE'RE GOING WE'LL BE HOME IN FOUR HOURS OR LESS I PROMISE

\---

**laf** : yoU!! BOTH HAVE TO COME WITH US!!

**macaroni fUCK** : ?????

**laf** : FIRST OF ALL

**laf** : WE HAVE TO DRIVE HOME

**laf** : SECOND OF ALL I AM STEALING YOUR CAR

**jmadzzz** : I

**laf** : THIRD OF ALL YOU WILL EITHER BE INSIDE OF THE CAR OR NOT

**laf** : IT WOULD BE PREFERABLE IF YOU ARE BUT I AM SO ANGRY RIGHT NOW I DO NOT HAVE TIME TO WAIT FOR YOU IF YOURE NOT I AM STEALING YOUR VEHICLE

**macaroni fUCK** : why??

**laf** : SOMETHING HAPPENED AND ITS ABT ALEX AND WE!! HAVE!! TO!! GO!!  
  
 **laf** : IM TALKING TO WASHINGTON NOW, LITERALLY YOU HAVE TEN MINUTES TO GO GET YOUR STUFF BC WE'RE LEAVING AS SOON AS WE HAVE OURS

**macaroni fUCK** : IS ALEX OKAY

**laf** : GET YOUR SHIT AND ILL EXPLAIN IT!! IN!! YOUR!! CAR!! IM DRIVING AND YOURE NOT ALLOWED TO COMPLAIN ABT MY SPEEDING I AM WILLING TO KILL ANYONE AND EVERYONE GETTING IN MY WAY RIGHT NOW

**jmadzzz** : I

**jmadzzz** : we're going

**laf** : THANK YOU

\---

**more like HUNKules** : he isn't crying anymore and I think LE thinks that's a good thing bc he doesn't know how much alex is gonna break after this and I'm going to kill him

**johnn** : please do

**more like HUNKules** : he keeps!! calling him!! 'lex!!

**more like HUNKules** :  ""I have a life now, with people who love me a whole lot more than you ever did, and you don't get to come into my life and try to be part of my family again. my family grew without you, and they're not blood but they're more than you ever were, than you ever could be. now get out of my fucking house and don't come back"" - alex to LE

**johnn** : ALEXANDER

**more like HUNKules** : he just slammed the door shut behind him and he's about to cry I really have to g o

**johnn** : Protect Him

\---

**more like HUNKules** : we're in bed now and he's still sobbing and I don't know what to do

**johnn** : lafayette is speeding

**johnn** : we're supposed to be three hours away roughly

**johnn** : we'll be there in twenty minutes

**more like HUNKules** : please be safe

**johnn** : there is no Safe right now

**johnn** : there is only Getting home to you and alex

**more like HUNKules** : I understand that and Yes alex needs you and that it's important you get here asap, but you are no good to him dead

**more like HUNKules** : and if you die I'll kill you

**johnn** : I

**johnn** : we're slowing down

**more like HUNKules** : good

**more like HUNKules** : when you get here someone has to get him food and bring me More Blankets and I would do it myself but I Can't leave alex

**johnn** : ,,,,,Can't in which way,,,,

**more like HUNKules** : if I try to move away he starts shaking even harder than he already is and he asks me not to leave him

**more like HUNKules** : that's what happened when I tried to get him a blanket earlier  
  
 **johnn** : that's what I was afraid of

**more like HUNKules** : he knows that you know what happened and he's apologizing when he doesn't have to I want him to be safe so badly john

**johnn** : ten minutes

**johnn** : lafayette says you should've killed him

**more like HUNKules** : alex is shaking v bad again I have to go

**johnn** : I can see our apartment building

**more like HUNKules** : hurry

\---

**johnn** : laf you need to Get here

**laf** : I AM GETTING GRANOLA BARS

**johnn** : I understand but he's still talking with the accent we didn't know he had and he's asking us how we're here and it's just

**johnn** : you Need to get here

**laf** : IM COMING I HAVE WATER AND GRANOLA BARS

**johnn** : he's still crying and I'm holding him now while hercules gets more blankets and thomas and james are whispering cute things to him abt how much they (and we) love him and he's just curling further up into a ball into my side and I ask him if he's okay and he shakes his head but tells us to keep talking

**laf** : I'm here!!

**laf** : time to be Quiet

**johnn** : ye it's practically silent except thomas and james' whispering

**johnn** : he stopped crying now laf Come In Here

**laf** : I just dropped half of the granola bars on the stairs I'm trying to hurry but when you try to hurry the world Knows and fucks you over

**johnn** : he's thanking us for loving him I want him to be safe for the rest of his life

**johnn** : he deserves the entire world lafayette but Not This

**johnn** : hercules is back now with blankets and we're all cuddling alex

**laf** : I have all the granola bars I'm coming in!!

**johnn** : !!!

\---

**little lion** : thank you

**johnn** : we love you

**little lion** : I love you too, so much

**little lion** : me loving people never worked out before you

**johnn** : alex, love

**little lion** : not once

**little lion** : and I was really?? alone?? before I met you,,,,and then you came into my life and I loved you so much, and I was so scared bc I thought I was going to fuck it up, or that one day I'd wake up and find out this was a dream bc I got Too Lucky

**little lion** : and then you!! stayed with me and loved me and Married me and I just

**little lion** : thank you I love you so much

**johnn** : we love you too alex

**laf** : and we promise you don't have to thank us

**laf** : we love you unconditionally and we would no matter what

**little lion** : <3 <3 <3

**little lion** : also you were supposed to be asleep

**johnn** : I immediately become the Lightest sleeper when you're upset

**laf** : and I'm already Almost the lightest sleeper

**laf** : hercules, thomas, and james love you so much but they're basically logs at this point

**little lion** : I understand and love them regardless

**laf** : are you going to be okay??

**little lion** : I should be

**little lion** : I have all of you, and you're all I need

**laf** : we love you alexander

**little lion** : I love you too

**little lion** : let's go back to sleep!!

**laf** : of course

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's!!! officially been a year since I first posted on ao3!! it's been Such a weird Journey tbh but ty to everyone who has read this and is reading this y'all mean so much to me!!!
> 
> tumblr: lol-phan-af, come Yell with/at me


	7. Before the Wedding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you might ask what this is about,,,,I'm not going to have answer

  
**little lion** : their wedding is in five days

**little lion** : why are you not here yet

**laf** : bc their wedding is in Five Days

**little lion** : s a v e  m e

**johnn** : are you okay

**little lion** : fuckign

**little lion** : can I Yell

**more like HUNKules** : we've never said no before

**laf** : go ahead we're all sitting down on the couch to listen

**little lion** : ty love you

**laf** : love you too

**little lion** : !!!

**little lion** : OKAY SO

**johnn** : oh dear

**little lion** : WE GET HERE, AND ITS ALREADY HECTIC

**little lion** : BUT WE'VE BEEN HERE TO PLAN THEIR WEDDING BEFORE SO IM LIKE 40% OKAY AND I GUESSED I WOULD BE WRONG AT LEAST A LITTLE BUT I DIDNT FUCKING FACTOR IN THAT WHEN I GOT HERE JAMES' ELDERLY GREAT AUNT WOULD ASK HIM WHERE HIS GIRLFRIEND IS

**little lion** : I ALSO MIGHT HAVE FORGOTTEN STRAIGHT PEOPLE EXISTED

**laf** : she d iD N T

**little lion** : SHE D I  D

**little lion** : ME AND THOMAS LITERALLY HAD TO GET UP AND LEAVE THE ROOM WE COULDNT HANDLE IT

**johnn** : you forgot?? straight people?? existed??

**little lion** : I don't interact with them often

**johnn** : you talk to the washingtons sometimes

**little lion** : honey neither of the washingtons are straight

**johnn** : wait what

**little lion** : it's not important right now dearest

**johnn** : right sorry

**little lion** : OKAY!! SO!! NOBODY EXCEPT THOMAS AND JAMES' IMMEDIATE FAMILY KNOWS THAT IM DATING THEM BOTH SO LIKE THOMAS' MOM INTRODUCES ME TO THOMAS' THIRD COUSIN TWICE REMOVED AND IM SUPPOSED TO ANSWER TO THIS PERSON HOW I KNOW THE GROOMS

**little lion** : THE FIRST TIME IT HAPPENED IT WAS TO JAMES' LIKE DISTANT COUSIN WHO LIVES IN CALIFORNIA AND I COULDNT THINK OF ANYTHING ELSE SO I WENT ""I,,,,sleep,,,,,with them,,,,"" AND SHE LITERALLY STARED AT ME FOR TEN STRAIGHT SECONDS IN DEAD SILENCE WHILE I WAS ON THE VERGE OF TEARS WITH REGRET

**more like HUNKules** : are you going to Live until next week

**little lion** : IDK TBH

**little lion** : THEY HAVE TO GO GET STUFF FOR THEIR WEDDING WITH LARGE PARTS OF THEIR FAM LIKE A LOT SO I STAY HERE AND ME, THOMAS' SISTER LUCY, JAMES' SISTER NELLY, AND HER FIANCE AND WE GO OUT TO THEIR GARDEN AND HAVE TEA AND TALK ABOUT BOOKS

**little lion** : AND LIKE THATS COOL AND I GENUINELY ENJOY TALKING TO THEM BUT LIKE !!!

**little lion** : I CR AVE TO BE MADE OUT WITH

**laf** : oh alexander

**laf** : <3 <3 <3

**johnn** : when we Do get there, we're staying in a hotel right??

**little lion** : yes I sent laf the directions and I'll send them again when you come down

**little lion** : I miss you all so much

**laf** : d a r l i n g

**little lion** : like I love thomas and james So Much and I'm so happy they're getting married but I've been here for three days and I miss my spouses and also Affection

**little lion** : it should be illegal to be apart from you for this long

**more like HUNKules** : we love you so much

**little lion** : I love you too!!

**little lion** : also I'm not 100% sure that if you did get to your hotel that I would be allowed to go there

**little lion** : i don't think it's universally accepted that I leave this house

**johnn** : sneak out!!

**little lion** : I'm very weak and Very Smol I don't know what escape plan I'd follow

**laf** : you should probs talk to james and thomas abt,,,,all,,,,of this

**laf** : not that we won't listen, bc we always will, but like they have to Know abt this

**little lion** : I'll talk to them when they come back

**little lion** : also I have never seen so much food in my liF E

**little lion** : THEY NEED TWO FULL DINING TABLES TO FIT IT ALL AND THERES NO LEFTOVERS ITS SO SCARY

**little lion** : ALSO EVERYONE HERE IS INCREDIBLY GOOD LOOKING IM INTIMIDATED I DONT LIKE IT BC I FEEL LIKE THEY KNOW ABOUT IT

**little lion** : NO I KN OW THEY ALL KNOW ABT IT

**laf** : alexander are you Okay

**little lion** : ,,,,,,,

**johnn** : b a b e

**little lion** : I'm going!! to talk to james and thomas abt it when they get back I promise

**laf** : I love you

**johnn** : loVE YOU

**more like HUNKules** : WE LOVE YOU ALEX

**little lion** : I love you too

**laf** : you sound so sad omg

**more like HUNKules** : we're coming down a day earlier than planned now and we Will Not Hesistate to break into thomas' house and steal you

**little lion** : omg you dONT HAVE TO DO THAT

**johnn** : it's too late we're already planned clothes

**little lion** : <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 I love you all so much

**more like HUNKules** : <3 <3 <3 <3 <3!! we love you too!!

\---

**laf** : we're coming to virginia for your wedding a day early and we're Stealing alex from you for the night

**macaroni fUCK** : oh okay

**macaroni fUCK** : idk if you'd be able to get your hotel reservation to be pushed up though

**laf** : already took care of it

**macaroni fUCK** : bless

**macaroni fUCK** : also I would 100% offer for you to stay at my house but we have No Rooms left

**laf** : don't you live in like a Mansion

**macaroni fUCK** : yes

**laf** : oh dear god

**macaroni fUCK** : exactly

\---

**little lion** : how do you recover from a forty year old woman with a large sunhat, round sunglasses, and a cigarette holder with No cigarette in it refusing to talk to you bc she knows you're not Rich by Blood

**little lion** : she's also wearing a fur coat indoors

**little lion** : and knee high boots

**more like HUNKules** : is this like a real thing that's happening rn

**little lion** : yes

**little lion** : I fucking Hate virginia

**johnn** : where are thomas and james??

**little lion** : Not Back Yet

**little lion** : lucy is literally my saving grace she Dragged this woman for me and then told me to come to the kitchen bc they need help but we're sitting in here eating cute little mini oranges

**more like HUNKules** : oh my god can we drive down now

**johnn** : rt

**laf** : n o I don't have enough energy

**more like HUNKules** : buT ALEX IS SO CUTE

**laf** : AND WHILE I AGREE AND LOVE HIM DEARLY, WHO IS GONNA DRIVE 50% OF THE TIME WHILE Y'ALL PLAY MUSICAL SOUNDTRACKS AND MAKE OUT WITHOUT ME

**johnn** : ,,,,,,

**laf** : EXACTLY

**little lion** : omg

**more like HUNKules** : I LOVE YOU

**johnn** : he's looking at pictures of you on his phone and he can't stop crying

**little lion** : ,,,,,do you want me to facetime you

**more like HUNKules** : can you even do that

**little lion** : I might have to hang up in like .2 seconds but like I don't see why not

**more like HUNKules** : then pLEASE

**little lion** : calling

\---

**Lucy** : alex looks sad what did you do to him

**macaroni fUCK** : what??

**macaroni fUCK** : also why do you assume I did something

**Lucy** : do I Actually need to answer that question

**macaroni fUCK** : YES?? SO I CAN FIX IT??

**Lucy** : it's nice that you think there's still hope for you

**macaroni fUCK** : you were my favorite family member until this conversation

**Lucy** : who's your fave now

**macaroni fUCK** : great aunt carol

**Lucy** : thomas she won't even talk to alex bc he doesn't come from money

**macaroni fUCK** : I'll kill her

**Lucy** : what did you to do alex

**macaroni fUCK** : what makes you think something is wrong with alex in the First place

**Lucy** : he's facetiming his spouses right now

**Lucy** : they're yELLING by the way and I kind of love them

**Lucy** : and he looks so happy talking to them and he looked that way when he got here @you and james but now he just looks kind of Sad all the time

**Lucy** : he is my favorite in-law you're Not allowed to hurt him

**macaroni fUCK** : we're not married to him

**Lucy** : that's a You problem

**macaroni fUCK** : moving on

**macaroni fUCK** : I'll ask him abt it

**Lucy** : not now his spouses are still talking

**macaroni fUCK** : did I just get replaced as your fave person?

**Lucy** : the fact that you thought you were ever there in the first place is your mistake buddy

**macaroni fUCK** : RUDE

\---

**macaroni fUCK** : are you alright love??

**little lion** : ??? did something happen

**jmadzzz** : we're talking to you darling

**little lion** : oh

**macaroni fUCK** : lucy said you look sad like All the time So Like

**little lion** : uhm haha it's just like !!!

**little lion** : I'm clingy As Hell and I know!! this is stupid!! and you're planning your wedding and I'm so happy for you!! but like I need like a 2+ hour hug and the number increases every time I have to interact with your family members

**little lion** : and also all of your family members are Incredibly good looking and it's not Fair and that's kind of funny but at the same time it's making me Hate myself Even More

**macaroni fUCK** : aLEXANDER

**jmadzzz** : LOVE

**macaroni fUCK** : WHY WOULDNT YOU TELL US  
  
 **little lion** : you're getting married in five days!! you have No Time for This!! you're literally so stressed and exhausted that you come back here and pass tf out for lit like nine hours!! I 100% understand that feeling plus you have your Entire family tree here Yelling 25/8 like babes!!

**jmadzzz** : WE WOULD HAVE MA D E TIME

**macaroni fUCK** : !!!

**jmadzzz** : WE LOVE YOU SO MUCH ALEX OMG

**jmadzzz** : WE'RE COMING BACK RN W/O ANYONE ELSE IT WILL TAKE THEM A WHILE TO FIND US

**little lion** : dO NOT

**macaroni fUCK** : TOO LATE JAMES ALREADY PULLED OUT OF THE PARKING LOT

**little lion** : IM GOING TO KILL YOU BOTH

**macaroni fUCK** : NO WE WANT TO MAKE SURE YOURE OKAY

**little lion** : IM F IN E I PROMISE YOU

**macaroni fUCK** : you're not though

**little lion** : I'm 29 I'll get ov er it

**macaroni fUCK** : alexander!! we love you so much!! just bc we're getting married doesn't mean that you Suddenly no longer matter to us or that we won't Care about your feelings just bc things are hectic

**little lion** : I didn't want it to be about me!! your fuckign wEDDING is in FIVE!! DAYS!! and you need to focus on that!! I'm Okay with being upset if it means your wedding will be perfect!!

**macaroni fUCK** : our wedding won't be perfect if you've been upset this whole time and Didn't tell us

**little lion** : t h o m a s

\---

**Lucy** : he's crying now What Did You Do

**macaroni fUCK** : I'm trying to fix what I did before

**Lucy** : so you diD DO SOMETHING

**macaroni fUCK** : NOT ON PURPOSE

**Lucy** : THAT STILL COUNTS

**macaroni fUCK** : I UNDERSTAND THAT AND I NEED YOU TO DO ME A FAVOR

**Lucy** : does it require energy

**macaroni fUCK** : me and james are coming home right now and that means mom is going to notice we're gone in like fifteen minutes

**macaroni fUCK** : and I need more time than that

**Lucy** : I'll stall if they come home

**macaroni fUCK** : TY

**macaroni fUCK** : YOU ARE ONCE AGAIN MY FAVE FAMILY MEMBER

**Lucy** : as if I ever wasn't

\---

**jmadzzz** : WE'RE HERE

**little lion** : you still didn't have to come back for me

**jmadzzz** : NOPE SHH WE'RE GOING TO MY ROOM AND WE'RE CUDDLING AND MAKING OUT FOR AS MUCH TIME AS WE HAVE

**little lion** : I love you both so much

**jmadzzz** : WE LOVE YOU TOO NOW WHERE ARE YOU

**little lion** : kitchen

**jmadzzz** : ON OUR WAY

\---

**Lucy** : that was disgusting

**macaroni fUCK** : we Love Him

**Lucy** : yeah okay I get it y'all weren't being discreet abt what you were starting

**Lucy** : also lock your fucking door mom Isn't going to knock when she realizes I'm stalling

**macaroni fUCK** : right ty

**Lucy** : ew

**Lucy** : have I ever mentioned I love being gay

**macaroni fUCK** : yes

**Lucy** : just making sure

\---

**little lion** : do you have anything else to do today

**macaroni fUCK** : our parents might yell at us for Escaping but you're worth it

**jmadzzz** : other than that probs not

**little lion** : yay I don't want to get up

**macaroni fUCK** : could you even?

**little lion** : f uc k o f f

**macaroni fUCK** : love you

**little lion** : love you too

\---

**Lucy** : mom is surprisingly chill with you skipping out on her to go fuck your boyfriend

**macaroni fUCK** : wHAT DID YOU SAY TO HER

**Lucy** : SHE WAS LIKE SUPER MAD AND I WAS TRYING TO BE LIKE !!MOM!! BUT SHE WASNT LISTENING SO SHE WAS ABT TO GO UP TO YOUR ROOM AND I WA SLIKE !!!!DO NOT DO THAT AND SHE ASKED WHY SO I SAID ""james, thomas, and alex are Up There"" WITH SOME IMPLYING EYEBROWS AND SHE JUST WAS LIKE ???? SO I SAID ALEX MISSED THEM AND SHE LOOKED KIND OF SAD AND I FELT SO BAD BC SHE ONLY LOOKS LIKE THAT WHEN SHE THINKS ABT DAD BUT SHE WAS LIKE okay then AND THEN WENT INTO THE KITCHEN AND JAMES' PARENTS WERE LIKE !!!!!!!!!!!! BC LIKE HOW DO YOU REACT WHEN YOUR FUTURE SON-IN-LAW'S SISTER IMPLIES THAT THEIR SON IS HAVING A THREESOME LESS THAN TWENTY FEET AWAY

**macaroni fUCK** : okay so your attempt at stalling failed, you made mom sad, and Ruined james' relationship with his parents

**Lucy** : NONE OF THIS WOULDVE HAPPENED IF YOU HADNT RUN AWAY FROM THEM

**macaroni fUCK** : ARE YOU AT LEAST TALKING TO MOM ABT DAD

**Lucy** : ,,,,,

**macaroni fUCK** : L UCY

**Lucy** : IDK I WAS FIVE WHEN HE DIED I DIDNT EXACTLY KNOW HIM IDK HOW ID COMFORT HER

**macaroni fUCK** : IM COMING DOWNSTAIRS RN AND WE'RE GOING

**Lucy** : OKAY

\---

**laf** : we're sneaking you out of thomas' house

**little lion** : you can't just?? walk in??

**laf** : oh I can

**johnn** : I just want to add that I don't approve of this at all

**little lion** : ?????

**laf** : why are Virginian accents so Difficult

**johnn** : bc you're from Literally france

**laf** : still

**johnn** : you sound like you're from louisiana s t o p

**johnn** : actually I might be into this

**laf** : it's not happening

**little lion** : YOURE NOT

**laf** : IM TRYING TO

**little lion** : YOU CAN T

**laf** : NAME ONE THINK THAT I CANT DO WHEN I PUT MY MIND TO IT

**little lion** : KNIT, PLAY JACKS, CHILL, WIN AT CARDS, SUCCESSFULLY OPERATE A BEDAZZLING GUN

**laf** : ,,,,,,,MOVING ON

**laf** : I CAN 100% DO THIS I JUST NEED TO MANAGE THE ACCENT

**little lion** : I CAN LITERALLY JUST HAVE THOMAS AND JAMES SNEAK ME OUT AND THEN COME BACK W/O ME

**johnn** : they're kind of getting it now

**laf** : I hate this

**little lion** : THEN DONT DO IT YOU LITERALLY DONT HAVE TO

**laf** : no I've already committed I'm dressed for it

**little lion** : oh my god

**johnn** : I want you to know that laf is trying to practice the accent but they're talking while they text so they're not really focused on it and it's like a weird combo of french and Virginian and I'm For It

**laf** : it's still not happening

**johnn** : if you do that I'll do my accent

**laf** : @god: what the fuck dude

**little lion** : y'ALL ARENT DOING THIS RIGHT NOW YOURE NOT ALLOWED

**laf** : ,,,gotta go

**laf** : we'll be there in twenty minutes

**little lion** : how do you even know where his house is

**laf** : you sent us directions to his house not the wedding venue

**little lion** : oh oops

**laf** : you're fine love

**laf** : fifteen minutes

**little lion** : oh god

\---

**little lion** : so I'm not saying laf is dressed as you and all of my spouses are on their way over here to steal me But

**macaroni fUCK** : thEY WHAT

**little lion** : I WAS GIVEN NO WARNING I WAS J U S T TOLD

**macaroni fUCK** : I WANT PICTURES

**little lion** : YOU CANT BE SEEN TOGETHER

**macaroni fUCK** : BUT I MIGHT NEVER HAVE THIS OPPORTUNITY AGAIN

**little lion** : NEITHER OF YOU HAVE AGED IN YEARS SO I HIGHLY DOUBT THAT

**macaroni fUCK** : PLEASE

**little lion** : I PLAN TO WAIT IN YOUR PARLOR FOR LAF TO WALK IN AND THEN IMMEDIATELY LEAVE

**macaroni fUCK** : IM WAITING WITH YOU I NEED THIS

**little lion** : I CANNOT BELIEVE

**jmadzzz** : OH WAIT WHAT THE FUCK I JUST GOT HERE

**jmadzzz** : IM COMING TOO

**little lion** : YOUR FAMILIES WILL REALIZE YOURE GONE

**macaroni fUCK** : THEY DONT REALLY LIKE US

**little lion** : KAHDLKSHLSKDHSJKH

\---

**little lion** : I hate this

**johnn** : please tell me someone is filming it

**little lion** : yeah james is

**little lion** : they keep walking around each other in circles and james is telling them things to say

**little lion** : laf's accent is v good but I miss what they actually sound like

**johnn** : aw

**more like HUNKules** : NOW THAT IM NOT DRIVING

**more like HUNKules** : I HATE OUR SPOUSES

**little lion** : oh dear

**johnn** : you don't

**more like HUNKules** : PEOPLE CHANGE JOHN

**more like HUNKules** : ESPECIALLY WHEN THEIR HUSBAND BURSTS OUT LAUGHING AND SPITS CASHEWS ON THEM ON HOUR FOUR OF THE DRIVE

**johnn** : I SAID SO RRY

**more like HUNKules** : IM CO V ER ED IN CASHEW PIECES THIS SI SO GR OS S

**johnn** : ILL HELP YOU OMG

**more like HUNKules** : ,,,,I don't hate you anymore

**johnn** : good bc I love you sm

**more like HUNKules** : I love you too

**johnn** : I just kissed hercules' nose he's so cute!!

**little lion** : aH

**little lion** : I'm being asked to tell the difference between laf and thomas

**johnn** : omg do you know

**little lion** : of course but I'm not going to tell them that

**little lion** : laf has a sharper jawline and more dramatic cheekbones while thomas' are more like Bright

**little lion** : they're both so amazingly beautiful I love them so much

**johnn** : yeLLS

**little lion** : I'm going to use this as an excuse to kiss them both

**johnn** : godspeed

**little lion** : ty

\---

**laf** : HOW DID YOU KNOW I LOOK AND SOUND EXACTLY LIKE HIM

**little lion** : your bone structure and they way that when I kissed you you grabbed me like you hadn't done it in Days

**laf** : I haven't love

**little lion** : I know!!

**little lion** : also you walk like royalty he walks like it should be set to jazz music

**laf** : I

**laf** : I love you

**little lion** : I love you too!!

**laf** : now come on we're stealing you

**little lion** : unbelie

**johnn** : alex??

**more like HUNKules** : and I'm worried now

**johnn** : same

\---

**little lion** : CAUGHT

**little lion** : CAUGHT CAUGHT CAUGHT

**johnn** : WHY ARE YOU RUNNING DOWN HIS DRIVEWAY

**little lion** : THOMAS' OLDER SISTERS SAW LAF AND THEN THEY GRABBED ME AND WE RAN

**little lion** : CAUGHT CAUGHT CAUGHT

**laf** : HUSHSHSHHSHHSH

\---

**johnn** : I'm guessing these three minute voice messages of you screaming aren't positive signs

**little lion** : I AM RUNNING BACK AND FORTH BETWEEN TWO WINGS OF THIS HOUSE JUST MAKING SURE THEYRE BOTH #READY AND NONE OF THEIR FAMILY UNDERSTANDS AND THEYRE ALL CONCERNED

**little lion** : IVE NEVER DONE THIS MUCH EXERCUSE IN M YLIOFE

**laf** : I miss you

**little lion** : I saw you Last Night

**laf** : you're soft and john is far away

**little lion** : unbelievable

**more like HUNKules** : also every second away from you feels like Years love

**little lion** : hUSH

**little lion** : MOVING ON

**little lion** : IM LYING ON THE FLOOR NOW TRYING TO CATCH MY BREATH PLEASE HELP

**laf** : I wish I could love

**little lion** : OH MY GOD THOMAS JUST TEXTED ME ASKING WHERE I AM I CANT D O I T

**johnn** : good luck love

\---

**macaroni fUCK** : WHERE ARE YOU

**little lion** : dead

**macaroni fUCK** : PARDON

**little lion** : I'm lying on the floor in the middle of the long hallway in your house bc I'm abt to vom from all the running

**macaroni fUCK** : oh my god are you okay

**little lion** : yeah yeah fine

**macaroni fUCK** : okay I'm gonna start yelling

**little lion** : go ahead

**macaroni fUCK** : WE HAVE TEN MINUTES BEFORE WE LEAVE COME HERE AND VERIFY THAT I LOOK 100% PERFECT

**little lion** : YOUR WHOLE FAMILY IS IN THERE TO VERIFY

**macaroni fUCK** : THEY!! DONT!! LIKE!! ME!!

**little lion** : IM ON MY WAY LVOE

**macaroni fUCK** : TY

\---

**jmadzzz** : we're leaving in fifteen minutes and I'm so !!! that I've looped back to being calm

**jmadzzz** : then it loops back around to panic

**jmadzzz** : everyone in this room is yelling

**little lion** : I'm Crawling to you

**jmadzzz** : ,,,,,what do you mean by that

**little lion** : I mean I think all of the bones in my legs are gone and I need you to open the door bc I'm on the ground crying choking on my own sweat and tears

**jmadzzz** : nelly's getting it

**little lion** : I lvoe her

**jmadzzz** : she said she's flattered but also not interested

**little lion** : understandable

**little lion** : you look beautiful

**jmadzzz** : are you lightheaded rn

**jmadzzz** : like I know I look Amazing but You look like you're about to pass out

**little lion** : maybe

**jmadzzz** : oh god

\---

**little lion** : SHOWTIME SHOWTIME SHOWTIME JAMES IS IN THE CAR AND THOMAS IS FOLLOWING BEHIND IN A SEPARATE CAR AND I CAN BRE A THE AGAIN FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE THIS MORNING BC I NO LONGER HAVE TO RUN

**more like HUNKules** : BLESS

**little lion** : I HAVE TO DRIVE THERE NOW BYE LOVES

**laf** : BYE ALEX!! WE'LL SEE YOU THERE!!

**johnn** : BYE DEAR

**little lion** : !!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is,,,,,,terrible!! and I'm even not writing the real wedding bc I'm #sickening


	8. 1-800-I-haven’t-asked-yet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ot4 origins era texts!! haha I'm a mess

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this might not make sense if you didn't read origins, which is super cringy so gl w/ that

**little lion** : gROUP CHAT  
  
**more like HUNKules** : I'm never talking to you ever again  
  
**johnn** : ???  
  
**johnn** : it's john btw idk if you remember me  
  
**little lion** : you were here 20 minutes ago  
  
**johnn** : I  
  
**laf** : it's lafayette and also why aren't we talking to alex  
  
**little lion** : no no no  
  
**little lion** : hercules isn't talking, you and john are stuck with me  
  
**laf** : tragic  
  
**johnn** : unfortunately  
  
**little lion** : rude  
  
**little lion** : also hercules is mad because he was like ""we should start a group chat"" and then I said okay and he started yelling when I actually did it  
  
**more like HUNKules** : I hate you  
  
**little lion** : yeah okay

 **little lion** : next time you want to cuddle someone Don't contact me  
  
**more like HUNKules** : ....I take it back  
  
**johnn** : amazing  
  
**laf** : is cuddling alexander really that important to you??  
  
**more like HUNKules** : if you have to ask it means you've never done it before  
  
**laf** : I have not  
  
**little lion** : ;^))))))))))) you should come over  
  
**laf** : I  
  
**laf** : first of all the implications of that winky face  
  
**laf** : second of all I honestly would love to but I have work tomorrow so I have to prepare for death  
  
**little lion** : gl  
  
**little lion** : anytime you want to burn it just let me know and we'll disappear  
  
**laf** : a true friend  
  
**johnn** : I still want to be there when this happens  
  
**laf** : N o  
  
**johnn** : fine  
  
**little lion** : I want more dairy queen  
  
**more like HUNKules** : you can have mine  
  
**little lion** : I lov e you  
  
**more like HUNKules** : can't relate  
  
**little lion** : and if I offer to hug you for like the next two hours??  
  
**more like HUNKules** : I love you too and I am Running  
  
**little lion** : YOU CNA T RUN WHEN IM EATING IC ECREMA  
  
**johnn** : godspeed  
  
**laf** : jesus  
  
\---  
  
**johnn** : I just got asked out by this guy and his girlfriend  
  
**little lion** : ooh go for it  
  
**johnn** : I Am Gay  
  
**little lion** : right  
  
**little lion** : go for the boyfriend then  
  
**johnn** : I don't think it's that kind of preposition though like I don't think I get to be picky  
  
**little lion** : then idk how to help you  
  
**johnn** : kill me??  
  
**little lion** : it'd be Cruel to kill such lovely cheekbones  
  
**johnn** : I  
  
**johnn** : I'm blushing  
  
**little lion** : ;^)))  
  
**laf** : gross  
  
**little lion** : whO ASKED YOU  
  
\---  
  
**laf** : I would love for my eyeliner to be symmetrical Before you come to get me  
  
**laf** : js  
  
**more like HUNKules** : your eyeliner is going to look perfect anyway don't even  
  
**more like HUNKules** : that can be a look can't it  
  
**laf** : n o T to me  
  
**more like HUNKules** : fair enough  
  
**little lion** : anything can be a look laf  
  
**little lion** : for instance, I'm working the "I haven't slept in three days and my dark circles are couture"" look  
  
**laf** : I  
  
**laf** : I don't even want to go anymore I just want to Protect you  
  
**little lion** : that's nice but I am functioning perfectly fine  
  
**laf** : are you though?  
  
**little lion** : sure  
  
**laf** : oh god  
  
**johnn** : I would love to have clothes that match  
  
**laf** : I  
  
**little lion** : @@hercules can you get here please before I fall asleep  
  
more like HUNKules: I can only walk so fast  
  
**little lion** : you have long af legs they should be able to carry you faster  
  
**more like HUNKules** : fuck you  
  
**more like HUNKules** : also lafayette is the one here literally Made of legs don't look at me  
  
**laf** : why are you staring at my legs hercules?? hMmMMmMM  
  
**more like HUNKules** : they're a mystery of nature and should be investigated  
  
**laf** : ;^)))) I could say something right now  
  
**more like HUNKules** : go for it honestly  
  
**laf** : I would much rather you investigate what's between them ;^))  
  
**more like HUNKules** : .......can I use my girlfriend as an excuse for this  
  
**laf** : polyamory  
  
**more like HUNKules** : idk if she'd be comfortable with that  
  
**laf** : my invitation can extend to her if she'd like it to  
  
**johnn** : can you not do this like right now?  
  
**little lion** : like really  
  
**laf** : fine  
  
**more like HUNKules** : alex I'm here  
  
**little lion** : fiNALLY  
  
**more like HUNKules** : okay @john and laf we're going to be late because none of alex's clothes match  
  
**more like HUNKules** : I'm burning all of your neon clothes  
  
**little lion** : THEY'RE IN FASHION  
  
**more like HUNKules** : it is winter  
  
**more like HUNKules** : meaning it's WINTER COLOR SEASON  
  
**more like HUNKules** : NEON YELLOW IS NOT A WINTER COLOR AND THE FACT THAT YOU OWN JEANS IN THAT COLOR GROSSES ME OUT  
  
**little lion** : RUDE  
  
**laf** : MY EYELINER IS DONE NOBODY SPEAK TO ME  
  
**johnn** : I'm kind of ready if you accept the bare minimum of what should be okay to wear in public  
  
**johnn** : I'm in the most basic clothes I own  
  
**laf** : you're cute so you're fine  
  
**johnn** : you think I'm cute?  
  
**laf** : I  
  
**more like HUNKules** : ALEX OWNS SO MANY NEON CLOTHES  
  
little lion: THEY WERE ON SALE AND IM BROKE AS FUCK HERCULES  
  
**more like HUNKules** : I will Dye these clothes for you  
  
**little lion** : wha t  
  
**more like HUNKules** : JUST SO THEYRE NOT NEON I SWEAR TO GOD  
  
**little lion** : YAY  
  
**more like HUNKules** : NOW GO PUT ON THESE CLOTHES, IN PRIMARY COLORS, AND SAVE ME THE TRAUMA OF HAVING TO LOOK AT YOUR PANTS  
  
**little lion** : FINE  
  
**more like HUNKules** : WE'LL BE THERE IN LIKE TEN MINUTES JOHN  
  
**johnn** : okay!!  
  
\---  
  
**laf** : none of you have said anything since last night are you okay  
  
**johnn** : I'm dying  
  
**laf** : wanna come get breakfast with me?  
  
**johnn** : yeah but I'm wearing sunglasses there and you're not allowed to say anything  
  
**laf** : so am I it's fine  
  
**laf** : mainly because I look like a mess but I understand  
  
**johnn** : where are alex and hercules?  
  
**little lion** : yeah I'm awake I'm coming with you  
  
**laf** : yay!! now all we need is hercules  
  
**little lion** : right  
  
**johnn** : are you okay alexander? did something happen??  
  
**little lion** : "alexander" and yeah I'm mostly okay and no nothing happened  
  
**more like HUNKules** : you guys can go without me I'm not leaving my bed anytime soon  
  
**laf** : we'll bring you food back  
  
**more like HUNKules** : than k you  
  
\---  
  
**more like HUNKules** : alex  
  
**little lion** : no  
  
**more like HUNKules** : we're gonna have to talk about it  
  
**little lion** : no we don't  
  
**little lion** : we kissed, you have a girlfriend  
  
**little lion** : you should probably fix things with her and then we can never speak of it again  
  
**more like HUNKules** : okay  
  
**little lion** : great  
  
\---  
  
**more like HUNKules** : is it normal to feel weird when someone kisses you  
  
**johnn** : what  
  
**laf** : did you kiss someone we don't know about??  
  
**more like HUNKules** : NO  
  
**more like HUNKules** : I'm home for christmas right now and I elizabeth just kissed me and idk it feels kind of gross  
  
**laf** : how did we miss that you were going home today??  
  
**laf** : also that's probably not a good sign?? like I don't want to doubt your love for your girlfriend but when you kiss someone you love it's supposed to be like !!!  
  
**johnn** : have you kissed someone we don't know about mx. lafayette??  
  
**laf** : HA I wish  
  
**johnn** : just making sure there's no one you're Hiding from us  
  
**laf** : I spend like every second with you people how could I hide someone from you  
  
**johnn** : true  
  
**johnn** : anyway hercules are you okay?  
  
**more like HUNKules** : sure  
  
**laf** : dear  
  
**more like HUNKules** : no she kissed me again and it was fine  
  
**more like HUNKules** : I don't understand this  
  
**johnn** : how often are you kissing her what the fuck  
  
**more like HUNKules** : idk?  
  
**laf** : this is gross btw I hate this  
  
**laf** : also it's making me realize how much I need someone to make out with  
  
**johnn** : stop looking at me like that  
  
**laf** : ......I'm just saying  
  
**johnn** : no  
  
**johnn** : also where is alex  
  
little lion: dead  
  
**johnn** : as per usual but also come over  
  
**little lion** : do you have food  
  
**johnn** : no  
  
**little lion** : hard pass  
  
**johnn** : wow  
  
\---  
  
**johnn** : NEW YEARS!!!  
  
**more like HUNKules** : !!!!  
  
**little lion** : you stopped singing with me just to text john four exclamation points  
  
**more like HUNKules** : yes  
  
**little lion** : rude  
  
**laf** : wait john are you just sitting alone in your dorm rn yelling??  
  
**johnn** : no my roommate is here yelling with me  
  
**little lion** : your roommate?  
  
**little lion** : the one you think is hot??  
  
**johnn** : maybe  
  
**more like HUNKules** : oooOoOOooOooOoOOoO  
  
**johnn** : stop that  
  
**laf** : GET IT JONATHAN  
  
**johnn** : that's not my name  
  
**laf** : just go with it love  
  
**johnn** : fine  
  
**laf** : wait  
  
**laf** : fuck him  
  
**johnn** : I can't just  
  
**laf** : yes you can just start talking to him and see where it goes  
  
**johnn** : fine but it's not going to work  
  
**laf** : I never fail  
  
**johnn** : whatever  
  
\---  
  
**johnn** : okay so  
  
**laf** : HA  
  
**johnn** : I HAVENT EVEN SAID ANYTHING YET  
  
**laf** : YOU DONT HAVE TO ITS THREE IN THE MORNING YOU WOULDVE TEXTED BACK SOONER  
  
**johnn** : I CAN NEVER LOOK AT HIM AGAIN AFTER THIS I HATE MY LIFE  
  
**laf** : WHY  
  
**johnn** : ITS AW KWA RD NOW AND WE'RE NOT ALLOWED TO TALK ABOUT IT  
  
**johnn** : I WILL STOP BEING FRIENDS WITH ALL OF YOU AND I WILL LIGHT YOU ON FIRE  
  
**laf** : sweet  
  
**johnn** : SHUT U P  
  
\---  
  
**little lion** : HERCULES  
  
**more like HUNKules** : yeah??  
  
**little lion** : is it just me or is lafayette acting weird around john??  
  
**little lion** : like idk they're just being ???  
  
**more like HUNKules** : no it's not just you I noticed it earlier when john laughed and lafayette almost cried  
  
**more like HUNKules** : but then again they do the same thing towards you so like  
  
**little lion** : they do n o t  
  
**more like HUNKules** : last week you were eating scrambled eggs and reading and they stared at you for fifteen minutes straight on the verge of tears  
  
**little lion** : I don't remember that  
  
**more like HUNKules** : what Do you remember  
  
**little lion** : I  
  
**more like HUNKules** : exactly  
  
\---  
  
**little lion** : when hercules gives you all your neon clothes back and they look nice now and you lvo e him  
  
**more like HUNKules** : he attacked me when I opened the door and made me drop all of them and now he's just lying on top of the pile  
  
**johnn** : I don't even want to see it  
  
**laf** : it's really cute actually  
  
**little lion** : I am not ""cute""  
  
**laf** : you're adorable hush  
  
**little lion** : ngnmgmgngmg  
  
**johnn** : me too buddy  
  
**little lion** : fuck off  
  
\---  
  
**little lion** : someone come cuddle me  
  
**laf** : why  
  
**more like HUNKules** : on my way  
  
**little lion** : hercules is a true pal  
  
**more like HUNKules** : <3 <3 <3  
  
**little lion** : <3 <3 <3  
  
**little lion** : also because I'm cold and out of blankets and love my friends  
  
**johnn** : I just locked myself out of my dorm but !! I'm on my way to you  
  
**little lion** : my bed is not fitting all of us  
  
**laf** : I'm leaving now and your bed doesn't even fit two of us we'll work around it  
  
**more like HUNKules** : aka, you all end up piled on top of me  
  
**johnn** : you love it  
  
**more like HUNKules** : I prefer breathing more though  
  
**little lion** : can y'all get here quicker I'm sha king  
  
**more like HUNKules** : I'm here  
  
**little lion** : !!!!!  
  
**laf** : I put on the wrong shoes  
  
**laf** : in related news, I hate you alex for buying me these slippers  
  
**little lion** : RUDE  
  
**johnn** : aw but I like those duck slippers  
  
**laf** : THEY QUACK WHEN I WALK  
  
**laf** : THEYRE ECHOING  
  
**johnn** : THATS WHAT THAT IS??  
  
**laf** : IM GOING TO KILL YOU  
  
**johnn** : YOULL HAVE TO RUN TO CATCH ME  
  
**johnn** : QUACKING ACROSS CAMPUS  
  
**laf** : I HATE ALL OF YOU  
  
**laf** : EXCEPT HERCULES HES THE ONLY GOOD ONE  
  
**more like HUNKules** : nope I helped pick them out and I helped wrap them  
  
**little lion** : you have gentler and bigger hands than me  
  
**more like HUNKules** : I know go back to sleep  
  
**little lion** : don't have to tell me twice  
  
**laf** : I don't know any of you  
  
**johnn** : and yet you're quacking all the way to us  
  
**johnn** : NONOONOONO  
  
**more like HUNKules** : did you just kill john  
  
**laf** : I SAW HIM AND HE WAS LAUGHING AT ME SO I TACKLED HIM  
  
**laf** : HE'S SO SMALL BUT HE STILL THINKS HE CAN OUTRUN ME  
  
**johnn** : THEYRE CRUSHIGN ME  
  
**laf** : PAY FOR YOUR SINS  
  
**more like HUNKules** : I don't want to get out of bed so I'm going to let you hash this one out  
  
**little lion** : !!!  
  
**johnn** : RUD E  
  
\---  
  
**laf** : hercules' girlfriend is so nice  
  
**johnn** : I can't believe you kissed her hand  
  
**laf** : I had to!!  
  
**johnn** : you didn't  
  
**little lion** : I don't understand why we can't have this conversation out loud  
  
**johnn** : because you look sad and you don't like talking when you're Sad  
  
**little lion** : ........  
  
\---  
  
**little lion** : hello welcome to the Crying over hercules chat  
  
**little lion** : it has one purpose can you guess what it is  
  
**laf** : we probably should've had this sooner  
  
**johnn** : true  
  
**little lion** : I just!!  
  
**little lion** : hercules is just so good??? I lvoe him???  
  
**laf** : I get it  
  
**johnn** : same  
  
**little lion** : and like elizabeth is so nice!! she's literally the sweetest person ever but like I love him sm it hurts me  
  
**laf** : alexander oh my god come here  
  
\---  
  
**johnn** : you just want to hug alex  
  
**laf** : he loves hercules so therefore nothing will come of me being selfish  
  
**johnn** : he loves you too tf??  
  
**laf** : no?  
  
**laf** : we've been over this I am Not doing it again  
  
**johnn** : fine  
  
\---  
  
**laf** : denny's is such a low quality restaurant  
  
**more like HUNKules** : oh my god  
  
**johnn** : idk I think it's kind of cute  
  
**little lion** : fuck you laf I love it here  
  
**little lion** : I could LIVE inside this denny's  
  
**laf** : and that's the moment I would stop being friends with you I swear to god  
  
**little lion** : no wait hear me out  
  
**little lion** : endless supply of coffee  
  
**laf** : I already take it back  
  
**johnn** : petty  
  
**little lion** : Free Bacon  
  
**laf** : if you were to supply me with an endless stream of coffee and bacon I would marry you  
  
**little lion** : I'm Too Broke to pay for a wedding  
  
**little lion** : ask me again in five years  
  
**laf** : will you have coffee and bacon for me in five years  
  
**little lion** : of course  
  
**laf** : you're paying for the rings  
  
**little lion** : fine but I want at Least two goats and $32  
  
**laf** : as if marrying me requires a dowry  
  
**laf** : I AM A G I FT  
  
**johnn** : two goats is a little pricy don't you think  
  
**laf** : TRAITOR  
  
\---  
  
**little lion** : I miss you :^(((  
  
**more like HUNKules** : you Just drove away from us  
  
**little lion** : are you implying that you Don't miss me already  
  
**more like HUNKules** : my heart Aches  
  
**little lion** : rude  
  
**johnn** : I now remember why I hate my father  
  
**johnn** : on top of all the other reasons  
  
**little lion** : ???  
  
**johnn** : ""so, do you have a girlfriend yet"" like buddy  
  
**little lion** : oh no  
  
**laf** : alex looks so concerned  
  
**little lion** : why couldn't we steal john and take him with us  
  
**laf** : I offered but he said no  
  
**johnn** : my dad would kill me  
  
**little lion** : :^(((((( I love you stay safe  
  
**johnn** : I love you too  
  
**johnn** : I'll try  
  
**more like HUNKules** : and I have to work this summer to fund my Future studio  
  
**laf** : you could've stayed with us and done that  
  
**little lion** : why are george and martha talking abt hiking  
  
**little lion** : what did you sign me up for  
  
**little lion** : I'm not hiking lafayette I won't do it  
  
**little lion** : I'd rather die  
  
**laf** : it's not that bad  
  
**little lion** : save me  
  
**more like HUNKules** : good luck alex  
  
**johnn** : don't die!!  
  
**little lion** : I MAKE NO PROMISES!!  
  
\---  
  
**little lion** : LIGHT ME ON FIRE  
  
**johnn** : how much time to do I have to get there  
  
**little lion** : TWENTY MINUTES  
  
**johnn** : sorry I'm too far away  
  
**little lion** : it's fine I accept your excuse  
  
**little lion** : ANYWAY  
  
**little lion** : IM BEING FORCED TO GO HIKING  
  
**little lion** : LAFAYETTE IS IN KHAKI SHORTS AND A SHIRT THATS ABSOLUTELY GOING TO COME OFF LATER AND IM NOT READY FOR THIS  
  
**laf** : ;^)))  
  
**little lion** : you're carrying me when my legs get tired  
  
**laf** : fine but you can't walk ten feet and then say your legs are tired  
  
**johnn** : oh shit  
  
**little lion** : fi NE  
  
**laf** : of course I'll carry you then  
  
**little lion** : maybe I can just fling myself off of one of these cliffs  
  
**johnn** : good luck dear  
  
**little lion** : fucking stab me  
  
**johnn** : again  
  
**johnn** : I'm 13 hours away  
  
**little lion** : ugh  
  
**laf** : we're here!!  
  
**little lion** : UGH  
  
\---  
  
**johnn** : FIVE DAYS UNTIL I GET TO LEAVE HELL  
  
**johnn** : AND SEE MY LIGHTS  
  
**laf** : aw!! we can't wait to see you john!!  
  
**little lion** : FIVE DAYS  
  
**more like HUNKules** : FIVE  
  
**more like HUNKules** : DAYS  
  
**johnn** : WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  
  
\---  
  
**johnn** : I'm not showing up I hate everything  
  
**little lion** : john oh my god  
  
**johnn** : ITS SO UGLY  
  
**laf** : you look so cute shush  
  
**more like HUNKules** : did I miss something??  
  
**laf** : john and alex were being gross and skyping and john is yelling because his hair is frizzy  
  
**johnn** : I LOOK LIKE A CLOUD WITH EYES  
  
**more like HUNKules** : aw  
  
**little lion** : an Adorable cloud with eyes  
  
**johnn** : NO  
  
**little lion** : an Adorable cloud with Beautiful eyes  
  
**johnn** : I WANT A DIV O RCE  
  
**little lion** : we aren't married  
  
**laf** : tf alex I give you two of my goats and $32 and you're married to someone else??  
  
**little lion** : I only counted $30  
  
**laf** : 30 dollars and my Love should be enough for you  
  
**little lion** : moving on  
  
**laf** : rude  
  
**johnn:** I'm still yelling  
  
**johnn** : ug h I have to get on a plane now bye dears!!  
  
**more like HUNKules** : godspeed john  
  
**laf** : bye!!  
  
**little lion** : see you soon!!  
  
\---  
  
**laf** : ITS MY BIRTHDAY!!!  
  
**little lion** : it's TWO IN THE MORNING WHY DO YOU HAVE A NOISEMAKER  
  
**laf** : ITS  
  
**laf** : MY  
  
**laf** : B I R T H D A Y  
  
**little lion** : S T O P  
  
**johnn** : I wish I wasn't in your bed  
  
**more like HUNKules** : why are you in one of their beds?  
  
**johnn** : I was cold  
  
**more like HUNKules** : yeah okay  
  
**johnn** : fine alex is soft And I was cold  
  
**more like HUNKules** : that's more realistic  
  
**little lion** : you can come here yknow  
  
**little lion** : I can feel you pouting through the phone  
  
**more like HUNKules** : I am not pouting  
  
**little lion** : your frown just got >:^((-ier  
  
**more like HUNKules** : ....no....  
  
**little lion** : come!! here!! then!!  
  
**laf** : !!!do it!!!  
  
**laf** : I need someone to cuddle me because alex stole john  
  
**little lion** : ;^))  
  
**more like HUNKules** : I'm on my way  
  
**laf** : yay!!  
  
\---  
  
**laf** : hELP HELP HELP  
  
**laf** : !!!!!!  
  
**laf** : I need help getting out of my dress!!!!  
  
**laf** : !!!!!!  
  
**laf** : do I seriously need to call y'all for this  
  
**laf** : absolutely inconsiderate  
  
\---  
  
**johnn** : SINNER  
  
**little lion** : WE KNOW WHAT YOURE DOING  
  
**johnn** : WASH YOUR HANDS AFTER  
  
**more like HUNKules** : OH MY G O D  
  
\---  
  
**laf** : I'm going to be late to go to olive garden!!!  
  
**johnn** : are you kidding  
  
**laf** : I wish I was dear  
  
**johnn** : never speak to me again we are no longer pals  
  
**laf** : love you!!  
  
**johnn** : nope  
  
**laf** : order me an iced tea  
  
**johnn** : c h o k e  
  
\---  
  
**more like HUNKules** : my parents are trying to kill me  
  
**laf** : ???  
  
**more like HUNKules** : I've eaten more food in the past hour than I have for the past 22 years of my l i f e  
  
**laf** : oh my god  
  
**more like HUNKules** : what are you three doing??  
  
**laf** : well I was out all morning  
  
**laf** : john and alex were asleep when I left and I just called them but they didn't answer so they might?? still be asleep  
  
**more like HUNKules** : oh dear god  
  
**laf** : idk I'm headed back now so I'll see  
  
**more like HUNKules** : godspeed  
  
\---  
  
**laf** : OH  
  
**laf** : I FOUND THEM  
  
**more like HUNKules** : ???  
  
**laf** : LETS NOT TALK ABOUT IT  
  
**more like HUNKules** : ?????  
  
**laf** : NO  
  
**more like HUNKules** : ???????????????  
  
\---  
  
**more like HUNKules** : I'm coming home tomorrow idk if I told you  
  
**laf** : you did but just so you know that when you do come home you're coming home to alex's pierced ears  
  
**more like HUNKules** : WHAT  
  
\---  
  
**little lion** : we've known each other for over a year now holy shit  
  
**laf** : why are you under the bed  
  
**little lion** : I'm crying don't come down here  
  
**johnn** : al e x  
  
**little lion** : I'm so happy I met you all!! you're my best friends and I lvoe you sm  
  
**more like HUNKules** : we love you too alex  
  
**little lion** : !!!  
  
**laf** : I'm crawling under the bed  
  
**little lion** : n o  
  
**laf** : nope I'm bringing crackers and blankets and we're cuddling on the floor in the dark because you won't come out from under there  
  
**little lion** : fine  
  
**little lion** : <3 <3 <3  
  
**laf** : <3 <3 <3 now get under these blankets  
  
**little lion** : they're so soft  
  
**laf** : not as soft as you are  
  
**little lion** : hush  
  
\---  
  
**johnn** : ITS CHRISTMAS  
  
**johnn** : IM R U N N IN G TO ALEX AND LAF'S ROOM TO YELL RN  
  
**more like HUNKules** : they're going to kill you  
  
**johnn** : I have alcohol and presents  
  
**more like HUNKules** : they're going to kill you a little bit less  
  
**johnn** : ....  
  
**johnn** : IM GONNA RISK IT  
  
\---  
  
**johnn** : okay private chat for just a moment  
  
**more like HUNKules** : okay??  
  
**johnn** : they're so beautiful hercules  
  
**johnn** : I just woke them up and they want me Dead and they both look like such a mess but they're so beautiful and I'm so g ay  
  
**more like HUNKules** : oh dear god  
  
**johnn** : they still have their beds pushed together and they're cuddling and I barged the fuck in on this scene that is so beautiful that its magnificence can't be captured in paintings or sculptures or by any work created by human hands  
  
**johnn** : and alex looks so tired and his hair is everywere and he's so >:^((( but he's beautiful and Iv oe him and laf's hair is always everywhere but this time it's not On Purpose and the light captures them elegantly and I'm !!!  
  
**more like HUNKules** : are you okay  
  
**more like HUNKules** : also do they not notice you're texting me rn  
  
**johnn** : oH  
  
**johnn** : AFTER STARING AT ME WHILE I TOOK OFF ALMOST ALL OF MY SNOW CLOTHES  
  
**johnn** : I CLIMBED INTO THEIR NOW CONJOINED BED AND DID YOU KNOW THEY LITERALLY SLEEP ON TOP OF EACH OTHER  
  
**johnn** : LIKE THEYRE GLUED TO EACH OTHER AND THEY JUST FALL ASLEEP LIKE THAT  
  
**johnn** : HERCULES IM SO GAY  
  
**more like HUNKules** : I UNDERSTAND NOW GO TO BED  
  
**johnn** : IM CRYIGN I LVOE THEM SM  
  
**more like HUNKules** : ME TOO NOW S L E E P  
  
**johnn** : OKAY GOODNIGHT HERCULES!!  
  
**more like HUNKules** : it's one in the afternoon  
  
**johnn** : GOOD  
  
**johnn** : NIGHT  
  
\---  
  
**johnn** : it's valentine's day!! I'm so incredibly alone!!  
  
**more like HUNKules** : nice to know you're staying positive john  
  
**johnn** : thanks it's one of my best qualities  
  
**little lion** : candy!!! shopping!!!  
  
**more like HUNKules** : I'm scared for your wallet  
  
**little lion** : can't be scared if I don't have one!!  
  
**more like HUNKules** : you don't have a wallet???  
  
**johnn** : yes you do?? it's that hideous brown leather one than you have??  
  
**little lion** : I kept getting sad that there was no money in it so I sold it  
  
**johnn** : but then where do you keep that money??  
  
**little lion** : My Heart  
  
**johnn** : I  
  
**laf** : I'm so sorry loves but I!! have a date!! and cannot make it to the wonderful horror show that will be alex set free in a candy store  
  
**little lion** : you say candy store as if we're not going to cvs where it's like Max 99 cents for a full bag of subpar gummy red hearts  
  
**little lion** : and that's fine have fun  
  
**little lion** : !!  
  
**laf** : thank you I will!!  
  
\---  
  
**little lion** : you could at least try to act like you're okay with it  
  
**johnn** : but I'm Not  
  
**little lion** : john  
  
**johnn** : alex!!!  
  
**little lion** : we had to know this would happen eventually right??  
  
**little lion** : like?? lafayette is a deity and we're definitely not the only ones in the world who have noticed that  
  
**more like HUNKules** : clearly  
  
**johnn** : I love when hercules gets bitter  
  
**more like HUNKules** : thanks??  
  
**little lion** : and like it was only a matter of time?? before someone asked them out?? and I mean  
  
**little lion** : let's face it it was entirely our faulth that it wasn't one or More of us so like!!  
  
**johnn** : feelings suCK  
  
**johnn** : I WANT THEM GO N E  
  
**more like HUNKules** : me too john me too  
  
**little lion** : same  
  
**little lion** : they're telling me abt how cute this guy is can you please kill me  
  
**johnn** : I'm literally crying in hercules' bed I can't  
  
\---  
  
**little lion** : hercules' bed??  
  
**johnn** : not what you think  
  
**little lion** : mhmm  
  
**johnn** : if you get to sleep with Lafayette every night I get to sleep with Hercules sometimes  
  
**little lion** : john the Entire Problem here is that none of us are sleeping with each other  
  
**johnn** : right  
  
\---  
  
**little lion** : p l e a s e  
  
**more like HUNKules** : john is in my arms I Can't  
  
**little lion** : f i n e  
  
**little lion** : they're asking me to see if their fake eyelashes are even which requires me to get four inches from their face and try not to act like I want to die  
  
**more like HUNKules** : I'm so sorry  
  
**little lion** : I hate myself  
  
**little lion** : the guy that laf's going on the date with just texted them and his name in their phone has a heart on it I didn't even see his name but fuck if that doesn't hurt  
  
**johnn** : I HATE EVERYTHING!!!  
  
**more like HUNKules** : ME TOO!!!  
  
**little lion** : SAME!!!  
  
\---  
  
**laf** : sORRY ALEX  
  
**little lion** : I'm Disgusted  
  
**laf** : I thought you would be with john and hercules by then I'm So Sorry that I basically kicked you out of our room  
  
**little lion** : yeah haha they kind of stood me up but it's okay  
  
**little lion** : and besides I his jawline I 100% understand  
  
**laf** : they stood you up?? are you okay??  
  
**little lion** : yeah I went there after you came back and it's totally fine  
  
**laf** : I'm sorry again  
  
**little lion** : you're fine!! I hope you and that guy work out  
  
**laf** : me too I guess  
  
**little lion** : ???  
  
**laf** : !!!  
  
**little lion** : !!!  
  
\---  
  
**johnn** : alex!!  
  
**little lion** : ???  
  
**more like HUNKules** : because we accidentally stood you up on valentine's day and laf had a date we were WOndering  
  
**laf** : all of the candy is on sale now  
  
**johnn** : we're going to take you to fuckign cvs  
  
**little lion** : REALLY  
  
**little lion** : LIKE REALLY REALLY  
  
**laf** : yes!!  
  
**little lion** : I LVOE YOU ALL SO MUCH YOURE THE BEST PEOPLE <3 <3 <3  
  
**more like HUNKules** : we love you too  
  
**laf** : <3 <3 <3  
  
**johnn** : also we're literally just making it up to you come on  
  
**little lion** : !!!!!!!  
  
\---  
  
**laf** : the schuyler st. patricks day party is tonight!!!  
  
**little lion** : I'm being dressed in so much green it's sinful  
  
**little lion** : this boa is strangling me  
  
**johnn** : boa??  
  
**little lion** : lafayette hates me   
  
**laf** : I do not  
  
**little lion** : THIS BOA SUGGESTS OTHERWISE GILBERT  
  
**laf** : FUC K YO U  
  
**more like HUNKules** : are you offering  
  
**laf** : MOVING ON  
  
**johnn** : HA  
  
**laf** : IF YOU'RE NOT WEARING AT LEAST 50% GREEN BY THE TIME WE COME TO GET YOU I WILL KILL  
  
**little lion** : I'm wearing 70% green if my jeans take up 30% of my clothes  
  
**laf** : your belt is green  
  
**little lion** : why do you even own a green belt like what do you even use it for  
  
**little lion** : you rarely ever even wear jeans  
  
**laf** : you never know  
  
**little lion** : I can't believe  
  
**johnn** : does a green necklace count as something  
  
**laf** : john that's like 0.5% of what you're wearing  
  
**johnn** : do my underwear count for anything  
  
**johnn** : green isn't my color  
  
**little lion** : your eyes are green and you're So Cute literally shut up  
  
**johnn** : 3/10  
  
**laf** : no you're underwear do not count  
  
**little lion** : mine did this is a double standard  
  
**laf** : well I Saw your underwear before you put on your jeans though that's an entirely different premise  
  
**little lion** : fine  
  
**laf** : speaking of you putting on your jeans  
  
**laf** : you need new jeans all of yours are too big  
  
**little lion** : are you going to fund these jeans??  
  
**laf** : ...no  
  
**little lion** : then hUSH  
  
**laf** : fair enough  
  
**johnn** : y'all argue like a married couple  
  
**little lion** : we're not married though I was only paid $30 and I never saw ONE GOAT  
  
**laf** : WE'RE DROPPING THAT JOKE ITS BEEN ALMOST A YEAR  
  
**little lion** : BUT ITS SO GOOD  
  
**laf** : N O  
  
**little lion** : FINE  
  
\---  
  
**johnn** : did something?? happen??? last night at that party  
  
**johnn** : bc y'all are acting like we did after we made out on Christmas  
  
**little lion** : we don't talk abt us making out on christmas and thank you for putting this in the Crying abt Lafayette chat  
  
**johnn** : I figured bc you two speak whenever they talk to you and they look smug  
  
**johnn** : you couldn't have slept together bc I went home with all of you  
  
**more like HUNKules** : we didn't sleep with lafayette  
  
**little lion** : unfortunately  
  
**more like HUNKules** : BUT  
  
**little lion** : lafayette Did say that they wanted to sleep with us  
  
**johnn** : WHAT  
  
**little lion** : like all three of us  
  
**little lion** : me, you, and hercules like literally our entire friend group  
  
**johnn** : FU CK  
  
**johnn** : WHAT DO WE DO NOW  
  
**little lion** : U have No Idea  
  
**johnn** : SHIT  
  
**more like HUNKules** : let's get breakfast  
  
**little lion** : I  
  
**johnn** : okay  
  
\---  
  
**little lion** : we have Four Days until graduation where did the time go  
  
**laf** : you need to pack your shit before we fucking move out  
  
**little lion** : we get to live with john!!  
  
**more like HUNKules** : in a one bedroom apartment  
  
**little lion** : we're not the best thinkers okay  
  
**laf** : we'll make it work  
  
**more like HUNKules** : you're ridiculous  
  
**little lion** : we wish you could live with us hercules!!  
  
**laf** : we're going to miss you so much!!  
  
**little lion** : !! you'll have to visit us All the Time!!  
  
**more like HUNKules** : I'll be moving back at some point  
  
**laf** : it better be soon I swear to god  
  
**more like HUNKules** : hopefully  
  
**little lion** : hey where's john??  
  
**laf** : I don't?? know??  
  
**little lion** : @@@john come to our dorm we miss you  
  
**johnn** : hey  
  
**johnn** : yeah I'm  
  
**johnn** : I'll be there  
  
**laf** : yay!!  
  
\---  
  
**more like HUNKules** : so I'm guessing that that one bedroom apartment wasn't necessarily a bad idea then  
  
**johnn** : hush  
  
**johnn** : I love you all so much  
  
**more like HUNKules** : we love you too!!  
  
**little lion** : we're!!! dATING!!!  
  
**little lion** : !!!! IVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS SINCE FOREVER IM SO HAPPY!!!!! YOU MAKE ME SO HAPPY!!  
  
**laf** : !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
**johnn** : A H

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> did you notice any of these from anywhere?? ;^)))))))))))) haha kill me


	9. Fuckin' Random

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this,,,,didn't end how I thought it was going to,,,,

**jmadzzz** : okay wait do I really still talk in my sleep  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : yes  
  
**jmadzzz** : why wouldn't you tell me that  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : I  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : you're not allowed to make fun of me  
  
**jmadzzz** : I won't love  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : you used to propose to me in your sleep  
  
**jmadzzz** : we're??? engaged????  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : beFORE THAT  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : LIKE WAY BEFORE THAT YOU USED TO ASK ME AND I !!  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : I just!! I never thought I'd hear it in real life so I had to Settle  
  
**jmadzzz** : you never thought I'd propose to you??  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : not really??  
  
**jmadzzz** : whY  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : I just  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : I never thought that you would actually Want to marry me, like you'd be okay with dating me just not Marrying me  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : and I get that marriage isn't the End All Be All of being in a relationship but like I've always Wanted to get married, and I really want to marry you and idk!!  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : and of course I considered proposing to you, but I would always get so !! about you finding the ring before I got to ask, you saying no, or breaking up with me  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : or you finding the ring, saying no, AND breaking up with me  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : or I would ask and you would say yes when you really didn't want to and you would end up resenting me bc you know that you could've done better and you regret settling so young and wasting your whole life with someone that didn't deserve you  
  
**jmadzzz** : th o m as  
  
**jmadzzz** : of course!! I would've said yes!! if you proposed to me  
  
**jmadzzz** : I've been imagining a future with you since we were like eighteen  
  
**jmadzzz** : and I plan to Have a Future with you  
  
**jmadzzz** : and even when we're like Eighty and my hair is either gray or completely gone and you still look as beautiful as you always have and you hopefully still love me back, I'm going to look back at this and Know that the best thing I've ever been a part of was my life with you  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : I  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : ja me s  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : I love you so much I can't wait to marry you  
  
**jmadzzz** : I love you too, I always will  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : !!!  
  
\---  
  
**laf** : I love learning new things abt all of you even though we've been together so long  
  
**little lion** : I love you  
  
**little lion** : also ???  
  
**laf** : where are you I miss you  
  
**little lion** : I'm downstairs making coffee love  
  
**laf** : bring me some omg  
  
**little lion** : of course but also ?????  
  
**laf** : right!!  
  
**laf** : john was Attacking Me  
  
**johnn** : n O  
  
**johnn** : NO NO NO  
  
**little lion** : (stick to the stuff you know)  
  
**johnn** : LAFAYETTE STOLE THE LAST CUTE BLUE HAIR TIE THAT I WANTED  
  
**laf** : YOURE WEARING GREEN IM WEARING BLUE IT JUST MAKES SE NS E  
  
**johnn** : WHAT EVE R  
  
**johnn** : BASICALLY LAFAYETTE STOLE MY HAIR TIE  
  
**laf** : IT WAS RIGHTFULLY MINE ANYWAY BUT JOHN KEPT GRABBING FOR IT SO I TRIED TO RUN OUT OF THE BATHROOM BUT JOHN TACKLED ME  
  
**laf** : AND YKNOW HOW HERCULES IS BASICALLY IN A COMA WHEN HE SLEEPS  
  
**little lion** : of course I love him so much  
  
**johnn** : saM E  
  
**laf** : I WAS LIKE !!HELP!! NOT THINKING IT WAS GOING TO DO ANYTHING  
  
**laf** : AND IT WASNT EVEN LIKE L OU D  
  
**laf** : BUT HERCULES SITS RAM ROD STRAIGHT 100% AWAKE AND ALARMED AND HES LIKE !!!WHAT ARE YOU OKAY!!!  
  
**little lion** : n o  
  
**johnn** : AND ME AND LAF JUST SAT THERE ON THE GROUND STARING AT HIM BC HE LITERALLY JSUT  
  
**laf** : AND I GO ""I'm fine love you're okay"" AND HES LIKE ""okay, just making sure you're safe I love you"" AND HE FLEL ASLEEP AGAIN  
  
**laf** : HE WKA E S UP!! IF HE THNKS WERTE IN DNAGER  
  
**laf** : IM LVOE HIM  
  
**johnn** : laf is cryign rn  
  
**little lion** : and you are??  
  
**johnn** : weeping  
  
**little lion** : right  
  
**johnn** : it's completely different  
  
**little lion** : Sure  
  
**little lion** : I'm bringing up coffee now btw  
  
**johnn** : bless  
  
**laf** : I need to simultaneously hug hercules for the rest of our lives and also work to give him everything he deserves for the rest of time  
  
**laf** : hercules deserves so much oh my god  
  
**laf** : like entire palaces built in his honor but he wouldn't even Want them  
  
**johnn** : hercules literally wants like,,,a log cabin with an endless supply of hot chocolate and those ugly plaid blankets with fringe on them on comfy furniture with soft throw pillows he probably made himself  
  
**little lion** : an Eternal collection of yarn in every color and knitting needles with cozy socks and sweaters and us just there to cuddle him Forever  
  
**laf** : I'm so happy he chooses to have us in his life  
  
**johnn** : same  
  
**little lion** : I lvoe him  
  
**more like HUNKules** : I  
  
**more like HUNKules** : first of all  
  
**laf** : omg  
  
**more like HUNKules** : of coURSE I wake up when I think you're in danger what kind of husband do you take me for  
  
**laf** : a be au tif ul one I love you  
  
**more like HUNKules** : I love you too literally so much  
  
**johnn** : hERCULES  
  
**more like HUNKules** : omg you're all crying come here  
  
**laf** : HSKDHKSDH  
  
**little lion** : HERCULES!!  
  
**more like HUNKules** : oh dear  
  
**more like HUNKules** : suffocating  
  
**johnn** : TRAGIC  
  
\---  
  
**little lion** : thomas where the fuck is your screwdriver set  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : in my bottom desk drawer why do you need them  
  
**little lion** : my desk chair is making an Insufferable squeaking noise and I need to Fix It  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : oh okay  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : WAIT NO  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : DONT GO IN MY DESK DRAWER I AM RUNNING TO MY OFFICE DONT DO I T  
  
**little lion** : I  
  
**little lion** : is this about your polaroid nudes??  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : SKDH.KSDLJ'LSDKJ[SEKOJ  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : HOW DO YOU KNOW ABOUT THOSE  
  
**little lion** : john found them when he took the door to burr's office last year  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : L AS T YE A R  
  
**little lion** : it's nothing I haven't seen before thomas  
  
**little lion** : they're kind of cute actually  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : I WANT A DI VO R CE  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : ALSO YOU CANT CALL NUDES CUTE  
  
**little lion** : you and john agree on this but I Don't  
  
**little lion** : you're Cute, so are the pictures  
  
**little lion** : hoWEVER the deeper into your desk drawer they go they do get more explicit  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : STOP  
  
**little lion** : OH JAMES IS IN THIS ONE  
  
**little lion** : N O T HIS FACE THO  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : YOU LCOK ED THE DOOR TO M Y OFICE  
  
**little lion** : I NEED MORE TIM ETO LOOK AT THEM THERES SO MANY  
  
**little lion** : okay,,,,why specifically Silk  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : IT FEELS NICE  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : LET ME IN MY OFFICE  
  
**little lion** : fi n e  
  
**little lion** : but you have to fix my chair for me  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : DEAL  
  
**little lion** : come in  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : THANK YOU  
  
\---  
  
**johnn** : I guess in hindsight it makes sense that even though thomas and alex are dating now they wouldn't stop fighting  
  
**johnn** : seeing as their work lives and their relationship are completely separate things  
  
**johnn** : at least until they start making out here and spending like entire days cuddling in their offices and somehow Not getting fired  
  
**johnn** : but how did it take this long??  
  
**more like HUNKules** : oh you put this in This group chat  
  
**johnn** : alex is dating all of us, thomas is dating alex and james  
  
**jmadzzz** : hello  
  
**jmadzzz** : I didn't think I'd have to use my earplugs again once they started dating but here we are  
  
**more like HUNKules** : how bad is it??  
  
**johnn** : they are Yelling at each other  
  
**laf** : it's not even like mean yelling the way they used to  
  
**laf** : this is entirely sexual  
  
**johnn** : it is nOT  
  
**johnn** : oh wait  
  
**more like HUNKules** : ??  
  
**laf** : aLEX JUST DRAGGED THOMAS TO HIS OFFICE  
  
**laf** : I TO LD YOU  
  
**more like HUNKules** : jesus  
  
**johnn** : gl burr  
  
**laf** : t r u e  
  
**jmadzzz** : oh dear  
  
**more like HUNKules** : I'm so glad I don't work with you  
  
**laf** : HA  
  
\---  
  
**aaron colder than ice** : did I miss something?  
  
**little lion** : burr!! it feels like I haven't talked to you in forever!!  
  
**aaron colder than ice** : hello alex  
  
**aaron colder than ice** : again, have I missed something?  
  
**little lion** : OH  
  
**little lion** : wait why is the door open I thought john put it back wrong so it wouldn't do that anymore  
  
**aaron colder than ice** : thomas tried to attach air propellers to his swivel chair and ran into the door while testing it, which somehow opened it and now it won't close  
  
**little lion** : a i r p r o p e l l e r s  
  
**little lion** : and lmao rip  
  
**aaron colder than ice** : you say that as if I'm not already dead  
  
**aaron colder than ice** : despite that, that doesn't explain why you just slammed him against a wall and made out with him like his lungs were you only supply of air for the next three millennia  
  
**little lion** : ,,,,,,,,  
  
**little lion** : you've changed since the last time we talked  
  
**aaron colder than ice** : I can only hope  
  
**little lion** : I  
  
**little lion** : moving on  
  
**little lion** : bc we were having an Argument about literally Nothing and then he got this Look in his eyes and I Know that Look Burr  
  
**aaron colder than ice** : that's disgusting  
  
**little lion** : thank you  
  
**aaron colder than ice** : so thomas is a part of your relationship now?  
  
**little lion** : nO  
  
**little lion** : I'm engaged to lafayette, john, and hercules  
  
**little lion** : and then I'm Dating thomas and james  
  
**little lion** : the venn diagram of those relationships starts and ends with me  
  
**little lion** : don't think I haven't thought abt it though  
  
**aaron colder than ice** : please don't involve me in this  
  
**little lion** : you asked  
  
**aaron colder than ice** : I don't like being confused  
  
**aaron colder than ice** : also I find this disgusting and I just learned like four thousand new things about thomas that I didn't need  
  
**little lion** : aw  
  
**little lion** : also!! you double text casually now  
  
**aaron colder than ice** : you're still next to me I can get to you fast enough to kill you  
  
**little lion** : well then you'd have Five people after you to avenge me  
  
**aaron colder than ice** : oh god  
  
**little lion** : HA  
  
\---  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : okay haha so yknow how I'm kind of getting married in a bit  
  
**Jane** : Thomas.  
  
**Lucy** : ?????WHAT  
  
**Lucy** : I DIDNT KNOW THAT  
  
**Martha** : yeah me and dabney got the invitation  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : don't  
  
**Martha** : hA  
  
**Lucy** : ????WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU'RE GETTING MARRIED?????  
  
**Lucy** : TO???? WHO????  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : ???JAMES MADISON?? THE MAN IVE BEEN DATING FOR LIT FOUR YEARS???  
  
**Lucy** : I thought you were dating the other guy  
  
**Lucy** : the short one?? shiny hair, looks kind of old and like a librarian??  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : oh my god do you mean alex  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : you've met him like six times  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : also he's younger than me and yes I'm also dating him but I'm not marrying him  
  
**Lucy** : wAIT YOU'RE POLY???  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : you've literally known this  
  
**Lucy** : EVIDENTLY I HAVENT  
  
**Lucy** : SI NC E WHEN  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : FUCKIGN  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : OCTOBER 22, 2016 WYD  
  
**Lucy** : HWAT  
  
**Jane** : Did you make this group chat for a reason, Thomas?  
  
**Anna** : why the fuck do you type like that  
  
**Jane** : Like what?  
  
**Randolph** : you disgust me  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : oh my god  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : YES THERE WAS A REASON @@@JANE FUCK YOU  
  
**Jane** : Rude.  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : OKAY SO THIS IS ABOUT ALEX  
  
**Lucy** : WAIT I LIKE ALEX  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : oh my god you literally sit and have tea with him Every time he is at the house I know that you like him  
  
**Lucy** : we read a lot of the same books  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : I know he has a rec list for you next time we go down  
  
**Lucy** : yay!!  
  
**Mary** : thomas  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : RIGHT  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : OKAY SO IM GETTING MARRIED TO JAMES BUT WE LOVE ALEX A LO T AND WE'LL PROBS BE MAKING OUT WITH HIM 16% OF THE TIME AND I DONT NEED ANY OF YOU TO ASK HIM WEIRD QUESTIONS AND EMBARRASS ME SO PLEASE DO NOT  
  
**Anna** : you once came to our school place and Screamed every time we came on stage and you're getting Literally Married and you expect us not to be embarrassing  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : YES  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : A WEDDING IS NOT A SCHOOL PLAY  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : MOM WOULD ACTUALLY BUY A DVD OF MY WEDDING  
  
**Anna** : F U C K O F F  
  
**Anna** : ITS BEEN SIX YEARS  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : SIX YEARS AND SIXTEEN UNSPENT DOLLARS IN OUR MOTHERS DESIGNER WALLET  
  
**Anna** : I HAVE DECIDED TO KILL YOU AT YOUR WEDDING  
  
**Randolph** : you just announced it now he knows what to expect  
  
**Anna** : FUCK  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : ALSO CANT I BE A PROUD BROTHER WITHOUT IT BEING A RECEIPT  
  
**Randolph** : can't we be proud of our brother for finally finding people that fucking tolerate you?  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : you're 18 and I am Thirty I don't deserVe it  
  
**Randolph** : debatable  
  
**macaroni** **fUCK** : RUDE  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : JUST DONT TALK TO ALEX LITERALLY ESPECIALLY NOT YOU TWO @RAGGEDY ANN AND RANDY  
  
**Anna** : WE FUCKIGN GN GAVE UP ON THOSE NICKENAME S  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT ALEX IS THAT HES LIT MY AGE, WE LOVE HIM SO MUCH AND YOUR APPROVAL OF HIM IS NOT ONLY NO T NEEDED BUT ALSO WILL NOT CHANGE ANYTHING, HES LIKE 5'7" AND VERY SWEET BC UNBEKNOWNST TO YOU PEOPLE, I DONT DATE MONSTERS  
  
**Lucy** : also any book you ask him abt he's probably read  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : AND ALSO HES MARRIED TO THREE OTHER PEOPLE, TWO OF WHICH LOOK LIKE ME AND JAMES RESPECTIVELY, THE THIRD IS AROUND HIS HEIGHT AND HAS V CURLY HAIR AND HE'S BEEN DATING THEM FOR SEVEN YEARS, ENGAGED FOR TWO YEARS, AND MARRIED FOR LIKE ONE  
  
**Mary** : we've met him before why are you so scared of this  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : IVE DATED PEOPLE BEFORE WHERE YOU LITERALLY HAVE EMBARRASSED ME SO MUCH THAT THEY BROKE UP WITH ME  
  
**Jane** : Sources?  
  
**Randolph** : oh my god please type like a person with a personality  
  
**Anna** : she has to Have a personality for that  
  
**Jane** : I fucking hate you both.  
  
**Randolph** : OH NOW WE'RE GOING  
  
**Jane** : No, we're not, because I don't have time for my siblings who are 15 years my junior and think that they're somehow better than me despite just barely passing school and still struggling to get into college. Not to mention that, besides your mediocre and disappointing school ability, you have no other hobbies or skills other than tormenting people that you think are below you  
  
**Anna** : I  
  
**Anna** : we just got killed randy  
  
**Randolph** : I,,am aware of that  
  
**Randolph** : but she makes a point what could we be with that skill set  
  
**Anna** : politicians  
  
**Randolph** : y e s  
  
**Martha** : don't even think about it  
  
**Jane** : Thomas, you haven't answered my question.  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : fine  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : once when you asked that girl I once dated all those invasive questions and she never spoke to me again and blocked me on myspace  
  
**Martha** : MYSPACE HOLY SHIT  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : YES MYSPACE THIS WAS FUCKIGN 2005 I WAS 16  
  
**Jane** : That was one time.  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : our old neighbor that I liked so I invited her over and you fucking showed her pictures of my skateboarding phase and then told her people I fought with, which included her best friend, so she got mad, slapped me, and then never spoke to me again  
  
**Mary** : lmao she married that guy  
  
**Mary** : like the best friend that you fought, she married him  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : that's cool but I was So Upset  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : and if I'm upset but someone who literally slapped me and dumped me after one dinner with all of You people  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : how do you think I'm going to feel if you literally Ruin the relationship I have with one of the loves of my life  
  
**Martha** : you're deadass serious abt this aren't you  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : YES  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : HE IS THE LOVE!! OF!! MY!! ENTIRE!! LIFE!!  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : DO NOT RUIN THIS FOR ME  
  
Anna: if he really loves you he wouldn't care what we ask him  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : first of all Don't fucking put him in the position  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : second of all if I really loved him I'd try and protect him from my family  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : and I reALLY LOVE HIM  
  
**Mary** : you really want us to not talk to him?  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : I WOULD PREFER IT  
  
**Jane** : Thomas you're being irrational.  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : I KNOW BUT PLEASE  
  
**Lucy** : can I talk to him??  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : yes of course you're my fave and he likes you  
  
**Anna** : can me and randy talk to him  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : n o  
  
**Anna** : PLEASE I WANT TO SEE WHO THIS GUY IS  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : I ALREADY SAID WHO HE WAS  
  
**Anna** : DID YOU REALLY THO  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : YES HES VERY SOFT AND SWEET AND CHARMING WITH A CUTE EVERYTHING AND IS JUST GENERALLY SMART AS HELL AND ADORABLE  
  
**Randolph** : gross  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : EXCUSE ME  
  
\---  
  
**jmadzzz** : we need to stop going to our private chats when we talk about how attractive we find each other  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : alexander's legs are not Attractive they are Immaculate how Dare You ignore them like this  
  
**jmadzzz** : thomas we've both agreed that alex's legs are past the point of Perfection and that no words could properly describe their magnificence but at the same time we have a Literal group chat where we can talk about this and make alex blush when he reads the messages back later  
  
**jmadzzz** : and alex blushing is a topic we've discussed Extensively here  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : yes but then he uses it against us bc he knows how much he Kills Us  
  
**jmadzzz** : okay  
  
**jmadzzz** : fair  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : wait you and alex do this with me???  
  
**jmadzzz** : of course?? have you Seen You  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : what the fuck do you even talk about I wear the same suit like everyday but in different colors and literally Nothing Else  
  
**jmadzzz** : excUSE ME  
  
**jmadzzz** : ASIDE FROM THE FACT THAT YOU ARE ALWAYS BEAUTIFUL AND OUTSTANDINGLY GORGEOUS AT ALL TIMES, YOU FORCED US TO GO ROLLERSKATING WITH YOU FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY AND WE DIDNT LEAVE ALIVE  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : OH MY GOD REALLY  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : I DIDNT KNOW WHY YOU WERE SO !!!  
  
**jmadzzz** : OKAY YOU DONT JUST GET PULLED INTO A BATHROOM BY YOUR BOYFRIENDS AND THEN DO WHAT WE DID AND N O T KNOW WHY  
  
**jmadzzz** : YOU DONT GET TO WEAR THIGH HIGHS AND JEAN SHORTS AND THEN HAVE TWO LIVING BOYFRIENDS YOU JUST CANT  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : you made me keep the thigh highs on when we got home  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : Just the thigh highs  
  
**jmadzzz** : you didn't seem to hate it when you literally couldn't Form Words  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : I should buy more of those  
  
**jmadzzz** : it's like you Want us dead  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : oh darling  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : when I wear thigh highs you and alex are Anything but dead  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : maybe the next time I wear them, and there Will Be a next time, I can get alex to wear his garter belt and see how long it takes you to pass out  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : or just forget how to speak  
  
**jmadzzz** : that's only happened once  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : it was very cute  
  
**jmadzzz** : it wasn't  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : love you!!  
  
**jmadzzz** : ,,,,,,,  
  
**jmadzzz** : love you too  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : !!!  
  
\---  
  
**the coolest brother you got** : lafayette what's your last name  
  
**laf** : Lafayette  
  
**the coolest brother you got** : then what's your first name  
  
**laf** : a curse  
  
\---  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : save me  
  
**jmadzzz** : same  
  
**little lion** : oh loves you know I would if I could  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : can I yell rn  
  
**little lion** : of course  
  
jmadzzz: go for it love  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : right thank you I love you  
  
**little lion** : love you too  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : thANKSGIVING IS HELL AND I HA T E IT  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : NOT ONLY DO I HAVE TO DEAL WITH THESE HEOPLE (((HELL PEOPLE)))  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : I DONT GET TO SEE EITHER OF YOU A T ALL OR ACTUALLY TALK TO YOU UNTIL I GET A SPARE TWO SECONDS WHICH IS R U DE BC THEY MAKE ME SO !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND YOU MAKE ME SO !!! AND THEYRE TWO TOTALLY DIFFERENT EMOTIONS  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : CAN WE GO ON A DATE WHEN WE'RE TOGETHER AGAIN  
  
**jmadzzz** : HONESTLY SAME LIKE PLEASE  
  
**little lion** : oh I'm the decider on this??  
  
**little lion** : of course!! but literally every time you get home from virginia, we always end up passing out in your living room in matching sweaters after doing Nothing and eating Copious quantities of lo mein  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : that counts as a date  
  
**jmadzzz:** and it's also tradition now  
  
**little lion** : I am completely fine with that and Wait for the day you come home  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : oh my g o d they won't stop yelling at each other  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : except lucy, she's reading and also my favorite  
  
**little lion** : !!! I read that book she told me about and I Cried for three hours  
  
**jmadzzz** : that's so cute  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : I miss you both so much  
  
**little lion** : I miss you too!!  
  
**jmadzzz** : miss you!!  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : !!!  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : also how are either of you texting me with Legions of people in your house  
  
**jmadzzz** : they're cleaning up and putting stuff away in the kitchen and I'm still now allowed in there  
  
**little lion** : we're all in christmas sweaters watching christmas movies bc it's nine o'clock and thanksgiving is #Over  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : can't I just do that  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : like why do I have to be Dying  
  
**little lion** : next year love  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : wait really  
  
**little lion** : if you want to then of course  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : I mean like  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : would your signifs be okay with that?? would your family be okay with that??  
  
**little lion** : of course!!  
  
**little lion** : and you don't have to!! I don't want to pressure you into anything  
  
**little lion** : but if you do!! just tell me next year  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : you don't have to do that  
  
**little lion** : I want to  
  
**little lion** : you shouldn't have to be with your family if they Drain you and you Hate it, and bc you won't let me and/or james Kill Them, I officially invite you to the laurens-hamilton-mulligan-lafayette family thanksgiving 2019  
  
**little lion** : you too james omg!! you don't Yell as much but I know how utterly Dead you are when you come back and you don't deserve it and I love you so much  
  
**jmadzzz** : I love you too but my family may still kill me  
  
**little lion** : your choice love  
  
**jmadzzz** : thank you  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : wait will we even be Back by thanksgiving next year  
  
**little lion** : I  
  
**jmadzzz** : well our wedding is november 16th, and we leave the next day for our honeymoon, probs not staying there until the 28th  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : Can We  
  
**jmadzzz** : n o  
  
**little lion** : omg I'm going to miss you so much when you're in paris  
  
**little lion** : send me pictures though!!  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : I??? you're coming with us???  
  
**little lion** : wait what  
  
**little lion** : reALLY  
  
**jmadzzz** : oF COURSE  
  
**jmadzzz** : WE LOVE YOU SO MUCH  
  
**little lion** : I love you too but you Don't have to do this  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : we want to!!  
  
**little lion** : but that's like!! your thing!! it's not mine to intrude on  
  
**jmadzzz** : it's Our thing  
  
**jmadzzz** : and you're part of Us  
  
**little lion** : I  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : you don't have to say anything right now  
  
**little lion** : I want to go  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : RELALLY  
  
**little lion** : yes but Only if you're Sure you want me to and if you let me teach you french  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : I cAN SPEAK PERFECT FRENCH  
  
**little lion** : THOMAS DEAREST I LOVE YOU BUT YOU C A N T  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : RUD E  
  
**jmadzzz** : HA  
  
**little lion** : OKAY AS MUCH I DO LOVE THE TWO OF YOU AND AM APPARENTLY GOING TO PARIS WITH YOU??? WHICH IS SUPER COOL TRUST ME IM V EXCITED, SOMETHING WENT WRONG AND THERE IS HOT CHOCOLATE EVERYWHERE AND LAF IS IN HERCULES' ARMS SCREAMING AND I HAVE TO GO  
  
**little lion** : PLEASE DO NOT LET THIS AFFECT YOUR THOUGHTS ON COMING TO OUR THANKSGIVING NEXT YEAR THIS DIDNT HAPPEN LAST YEASKHKASHDKSA I JUST HEARD GLASS SHATETRING I GOTT A GO  
  
**jmadzzz** : I  
  
**jmadzzz** : godspeed darling  
  
**little lion** : THANK YOU  
  
\---  
  
**more like HUNKules** : haha so okay  
  
**more like HUNKules** : do n 't freak out  
  
**laf** : Panic Mode Activated  
  
**more like HUNKules** : nO NO NO  
  
**more like HUNKules** : ITS NOT THAT BAD  
  
**laf** : mgmmgnngngn,gn,gn,ngmgnmngmgmn,  
  
**more like HUNKules** : okay so like what if I told you we own a boat now  
  
**little lion** : I  
  
**johnn** : exCUSE ME  
  
**more like HUNKules** : WHAT IF I TOLD YOU  
  
**more like HUNKules** : IVE BEEN G I V E N A BOAT  
  
**johnn** : hercules  
  
**little lion** : honey  
  
**laf** : W H A T  
  
**more like HUNKules** : WILLIAM AND MARY DECIDED THAT THEYRE TOO OLD TO OWN A BOAT RN BC THEY DONT ""GIVE HER THE ATTENTION IT DESERVES"" SO THEYRE GIVING IT TO ME  
  
**more like HUNKules** : AND I HAVENT SAID YES YET SO YOU HAVE TO REPLY SOON  
  
**johnn** : we don't know how to take care of oR drive a boat  
  
**more like HUNKules** : okay so according to william, all boat maitenance is ""taken care of"", which scares me, and I'll explain the rest of it when we get home  
  
**laf** : I'm for it  
  
**more like HUNKules** : REALLY  
  
**laf** : yes but only bc I have Many summer clothes I never get to wear  
  
**laf** : get ready for sundresses  
  
**more like HUNKules** : oh dear  
  
**johnn** : A Boat  
  
**more like HUNKules** : yes  
  
**johnn** : A  
  
**johnn** : Boat  
  
**more like HUNKules** : y e s  
  
**johnn** : okay  
  
**more like HUNKules** : so that's a yes right?  
  
**johnn** : yes  
  
**johnn** : I am 63% Ready to become a boat husband  
  
**more like HUNKules** : I  
  
**johnn** : rapidly approaching 100% every time I think about laf in sundresses  
  
**laf** : I'm flattered  
  
**johnn** : I love you  
  
**laf** : I love you too!!  
  
**little lion** : I support it For you, but personally I want no part of it  
  
**little lion** : but I want You to have it  
  
**more like HUNKules** : are you okay love  
  
**little lion** : yes!! I'm fine!! I'm v excited for you and your Boatventures but at the same time I do not Want to take part in said boatventures  
  
**johnn** : are you sure  
  
**little lion** : y e s  
  
**little lion** : maybe one day, but idk probs not anytime soon  
  
**laf** : that's fine love  
  
**laf** : @hercules: accept the boat  
  
**johnn** : !!!  
  
**more like HUNKules** : yAY!!  
  
**laf** : !!!  
  
**little lion** : !!!!!  
  
\---  
  
**laf** : can I have our kids call me Overlord  
  
**little lion** : yes  
  
**more like HUNKules** : OF COURSE  
  
**johnn** : I SUPPORT IT  
  
**laf** : I  
  
**laf** : I was kidding but Okay  
  
johnn: we support you overlord  
  
**little lion** : if we went with that, wouldn't you calling laf overlord be the equivalent of calling someone daddy  
  
**laf** : I want a divorce @both of you  
  
**johnn** : same @alex  
  
**little lion** : rt @john  
  
**more like HUNKules** : okay none of you, based on our past, have any room to talk abt this  
  
**little lion** : ANYWAY  
  
\---  
  
**little lion** : HERCULES IS A FILTHY LIAR  
  
**more like HUNKules** : IM NOT  
  
**little lion** : YOU JUST SAID YOUR MUSCLES ARE LOSING DEFINITION AND HOW YOU AREN'T AS MUSCULAR AS YOU USED TO BE LIKE HUSH  
  
**more like HUNKules** : ITS NOT NECESSARILY LIKE A BAD THING LIKE I JUST DONT REALLY LOOK THE SAME WAY THAT I DID WHEN I WAS 23  
  
**little lion** : but you want to  
  
**more like HUNKules** : it would be nice  
  
**little lion** : you're beautiful no matter what  
  
**more like HUNKules** : I love you  
  
**little lion** : I love you too, and I meant what I said  
  
**more like HUNKules** : I know  
  
**more like HUNKules** : and if I do actually start going Back to the gym it will be bc this is something I want to do, not because I want to be like I was a few years ago  
  
**little lion** : good bc you're gorgeous and you don't Need to change  
  
**little lion** : actually wait but seriously if you all start going to the gym  
  
**little lion** : keep your fitness stuff aT THE GYM  
  
**little lion** : we are not becoming a kale family I swear to god I'm not doing it  
  
**laf** : kale is actually kind of good if you just give it a chance  
  
**little lion** : BLOCKED  
  
**little lion** : I WANT TO CONTINUE TO EAT CHEESE CURLS FOR AS LONG AS MY HEART BEATS AND YOURE NOT ALLOWED TO STOP ME  
  
**little lion** : IF ANY ONE OF YOU EVER COME HOME AND GO ""I think we should cut sugar out of our diet"" ILL WILL WAIT UNTIL YOU FALL ASLEEP AND THEN I WILL ROLL YOUR BODY OUT TO THE BALCONY AND L O C K YOU THERE UNTIL YOU ST AR VE  
  
**johnn** : have you seen any of us before?? sugar is an Always  
  
**little lion** : GOD BLESS  
  
\---  
  
**more like HUNKules** : you all speak different languages around our house sm why don't you ever text them  
  
**johnn** : bc you'd take forty years to respond switching between the chat and google translate  
  
**more like HUNKules** : I  
  
**laf** : I would speak french here but my phone always corrects it bc it hates me  
  
**little lion** : you can fix that love  
  
**laf** : reALLY  
  
**johnn** : bab e  
  
**laf** : !!! I did it  
  
**laf** : je t‘aime plus que tout!!  
  
**little lion** : you're so fucking cute  
  
**laf** : ah!!  
  
**more like HUNKules** : I understand the I love you part but nothing else  
  
**johnn** : ""I love you more than anything!!""  
  
**more like HUNKules** : oh!!  
  
**more like HUNKules** : we love you too!!  
  
**johnn** : love you lafayette!!  
  
**little lion** : love you!!  
  
**laf** : !!!  
  
\---  
  
**little lion** : !!DID YOU HEAR!!  
  
**johnn** : ???  
  
**laf** : ??  
  
**little lion** : BURR AND MISS BARTOW ARE ADOPTING A CHILD!!!!  
  
**laf** : WHAT  
  
**little lion** : YE APPARENTLY IDK I JUST OVERHEARD THIS CONVERSATION BUT THE CHILDS NAME IS ALSO THEO WHICH I DONT UNDERSTAND BUT I LOVE AND I MIGHT EXPLODE  
  
**more like HUNKules** : aHHHHH!!!  
  
**more like HUNKules** : also I see the trend of being white suburban moms gossiping at a water cooler has continued  
  
**laf** : we are Still city-living poc with no children  
  
**more like HUNKules** : and you are sTILL not letting me make my comparisons  
  
**laf** : WOW  
  
\---  
  
**laf** : now that I think about it, why don't we make out in broom closets anymore  
  
**johnn** : we lost all of our dignity and just started making out in our offices  
  
**laf** : right  
  
**little lion** : I can't tell whether that's risky or not  
  
**laf** : oh it is but we just,,,,don't,,,,care,,,,  
  
**laf** : we should probably be more concerned about that  
  
**johnn** : true  
  
**little lion** : honestly??  
  
**laf** : ,,,,,wanna make out in my office??  
  
**little lion** : omw  
  
**johnn** : same  
  
\---  
  
**more like HUNKules** : why don't we paint the room yellow  
  
**laf** : no  
  
**laf** : never  
  
**more like HUNKules** : but yellow is ~~calming~~  
  
**laf** : I don't trUST IT  
  
**more like HUNKules** : LAFAYETTE JUST BC ONE CHILD IN THAT YOUTUBE VIDEO YOU WATCHED THAT ONE TIME HATED THE COLOR YELLOW DOES N O T MEAN OUR CHILD W ILL  
  
**laf** : THE MOM ENDED UP EA T ING HER BABY I CANT DO THAT  
  
**more like HUNKules** : DO YOU PLAN TO CANNIBALIZE OUR CHILD, WHO IS LITERALLY SIX YEARS OLD BTW AND N OT A BABY  
  
**laf** : NE VE R  
  
**laf** : SHE'LL ALWAYS BE A BABY TO ME TF??  
  
**more like HUNKules** : Y ELL!! OW!!  
  
**laf** : N O  
  
**little lion** : what if we do like a bright green  
  
**laf** : ALEXANDER I LOVE YOU BUT THAT IS THE W O R ST IDEA  
  
**little lion** : R U D E  
  
\---  
  
**jmadzzz** : why did I just hear plates shattering  
  
**jmadzzz** : and it better be good bc it woke me up  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : I just accidentally proposed to alex haha  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : as one does yknow hahahahhahhaha  
  
**jmadzzz** : I  
  
**jmadzzz** : who dropped the plate you or him  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : I diD  
  
**jmadzzz** : where are you now  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : SITTING ON THE FLOOR OUTSIDE OF OUR BEDROOM  
  
**jmadzzz** : okay now What Happened  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : FUCKIGN!!  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : I WOKE UP AND HE WASNT THERE SO I WAS LIKE ??? AND I WENT TO GO LOOK FOR HIM AND HE WAS COOKING AND I WAS LIKE !! YOU DIDNT HAVE TO !! BC !! HE DIDNT HAVE TO !! AND HES SO CUTE AND HE SAID HE WANTED TO AND I GOT ALL OF THE PLATES AND STUFF OUT AND HE HANDED ME ONE AND SMILED AND I WAS JUST SO FUCKING FLOORED  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : I LITERALLY STARTED CRYING THIS WAS SO REAL  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : IT WAS LIKE ONE SINGLE TEAR AND I WHISPERED ""marry me"" AND HE TURNED AROUND LIKE ????WHAT???? AND I DROPPED THE PLATE AND TOLD HIM TO PLEASE JUST STAY THERE AND ILL CLEAN UP THE PLATE LATER AND I RAN TO OUR ROOM BUT THE DOOR IS LOCKED  
  
**jmadzzz** : I  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : COME LET ME IN  
  
**jmadzzz** : coming  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : okAY  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO  
  
**little lion** : thomas  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : ALEX  
  
**little lion** : you literally put this in our group chat I don't know how you expected I wouldn't see this  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : IM SO SORRY  
  
**little lion** : you're fine thomas omg  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : WE'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT IT FOR SO LONG I GUESS IT KIND OF ALL CAUGHT UP WITH ME  
  
**jmadzzz** : okay thomas I love you but Why do you have to expose me like this  
  
**little lion** : wAIT YOUVE BEEN THINKING ABOUT THIS?? FOR HOW L ONG  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : ,,,,,,your wedding,,,  
  
**little lion** : THAT WAS ALMOST A YEAR A G O  
  
**little lion** : AND YOU DIDN T TELL ME???  
  
**jmadzzz** : WE DIDNT KNOW WHEN TO BRING IT UP  
  
**little lion** : oh my god  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : you don't have to say anything yet  
  
**little lion** : I'm not going to marry you  
  
**little lion** : and don't take this the wrong way I love you both so much with my entire heart please don't forget that but if we got married I wouldn't be able to be as Present in your lives as I'd like to be or give you as much Time as you actually deserve from someone you're married to  
  
**little lion** : being your boyfriend is serious, I've always seen it that way, but it's Completely different if I'm your husband, and I'm sorry but I cannot handle being married to both you two and my spouses  
  
**little lion** : I'm sorry  
  
**jmadzzz** : alex you don't have to be sorry that's completely understandable  
  
**little lion** : I'll leave if you want me to??  
  
**little lion** : I cleaned up the plate anyway even though you told me you'd do it btw  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : you don't have to leave  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : I mean  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : uhm  
  
**jmadzzz** : we still want to date you, even if you don't marry us, so if You want to continue dating Us then you don't have to leave  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : yes that thank you james  
  
**little lion** : I  
  
**little lion** : I love you so much I'm sorry that I can't marry you  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : you don't have to be sorry love  
  
**little lion** : I'm crying on your floor bc I don't want to leave  
  
**jmadzzz** : you don't have!! to!!  
  
**little lion** : I'm coming in your room because you deserve to not have me text this to you  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : oh  
  
\---  
  
**little lion** : I'll be home soon  
  
**laf** : I thought you were stay and thomas and james' house??  
  
**little lion** : we kind of broke up??  
  
**laf** : oh alexander  
  
**johnn** : kind of??  
  
**little lion** : thomas proposed to me, and I said I couldn't balance being married to both you and them, so I said no  
  
**little lion** : and then they said that we didn't have to break up and I fucking wanted that so bad but !! they want to marry me, and I Can't marry them, and they don't deserve that  
  
**little lion** : so I told them that and that I loved them and then I left and it hurts so bad I'm crying on the floor of their elevator I don't even Care that someone could get on rn I just need to be hugged for like six million years please  
  
**more like HUNKules** : of course alexander  
  
**johnn** : we'll make hot chocolate and we can just watch the golden girls if you want  
  
**little lion** : please  
  
**laf** : are you driving home??  
  
**little lion** : no they picked me up so I'm just taking a cab home I'll be there soon  
  
**more like HUNKules** : we love you  
  
**little lion** : I love you too  
  
\---  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : so,,,he didn't find a ring bc there wasn't one to find  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : but he said no And broke up with us  
  
**jmadzzz** : I kinda just want to go back to sleep now  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : same  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : this is all my fault  
  
**jmadzzz** : love  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : it is!! I can't think Once before speaking Ever and now alex broke up with us and this hurts so Fucking Much  
  
**jmadzzz** : you didn't do anything wrong love  
  
**jmadzzz** : he couldn't handle being married to five people, which is completely understandable, and you proposing Later in our relationship with him wouldn't have changed that, we would've always wanted to marry him, and he would've never been able to  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : I know you're right  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : but I also know that you're doing this so you don't start crying  
  
**jmadzzz** : can you hug me please  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : of course

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hahhahahhahahhahahahahahhaha I'm So Sick and if I have to suffer so do they


	10. 1-800-Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A Mess ((this is literally so bad Ignore It))

**anastasie** : YKNOW JANE MADISON

 **anastasie** : IN MY CLASS

**frances** : v tall for their age, could bench press me even though they're 15 and I'm 18??

**pip pip doodly doo** : wears velvet suits almost exclusively??

**anastasie** : YES

**frances** : yeah

**pip pip doodly doo** : I know Of them

**anastasie** : !!!THEIR PARENTS ARE THOMAS AND JAMES MADISON

**pip pip doodly doo** : I thought it was thomas and james jefferson??

**anastasie** : I don't know honestly

**frances** : what was the point of this??

**anastasie** : RIGHT

**anastasie** : ANYWAY JANE'S PARENTS USED TO DATE POPS

**frances** : WHAT

**anastasie** : YEAH RIGHT OKAY SO I WAS EXPLAINING HOW I HAVE FOUR PARENTS RIGHT

**anastasie** : AND IM BASICALLY GOING THROUGH THE SCRIPT I HAVE MENTALLY BC LIKE !! AND I WAS LIKE ""then there's alex who we call pops"" AND THEY STOPPED ME AND WENT ""ALEXANDER HAMILTON??"" BC WELL YKNOW HAMILTON IS ONE OF MY LAST NAMES AND THEY FIGURED IT OUT THEN ASKED ME IF HE WORKED WITH GWASH AND I WAS LIKE YEAH AND THEY LEFT AND BROUGHT BACK THIS PICTURE

**anastasie** : AND IT WAS THE GA YES T PICTURE IVE EVER SEEN I SWEAR TO GOD

**anastasie** : AND IT WAS OF THE THREE OF THEM ON JANE'S PARENT'S WEDDING DAY AND THEYRE ALL DRESSED RE ALLY NICE AND THEYRE KISSING HIM AND !!!

**anastasie** : HE LOOKS SO HAPPY THIS MAKES ME SO SAD

**pip pip doodly doo** : I WANT DETAILS

**frances** : why do we have to be the Most gossipy people alive

**pip pip doodly doo** : gossipy is Not a word and it's hereditary

**frances** : fuck you it's a word and we are All adopted

**pip pip doodly doo** : ,,,,,,,anyway

**pip pip doodly doo** : deTAILS

**anastasie** : !!!

**anastasie** : I DIDNT G E T ANY OF THE ACTUAL!! STORY BUT APPARENTLY THEY DATED FOR ""A FEW YEARS"" BUT THEY BROKE UP FOR UNDISCLOSED REASONS

**anastasie** : BUT THEY ALSO SAID THAT MR. JEFFERSON WAS LIKE,,,,TEARING UP WHEN THEY ASKED

**frances** : aren't they coming to Their 20th wedding anniversary picnic thing next month??

**anastasie** : MAYBE?? IDK

**pip pip doodly doo** : yknow what this means right??

**anastasie** : WE HAVE TO ASK OUR MOST TRUSTWORTHY PARENT WHAT HAPPENED AND THEN, WITH JANE AND LUCY MADISON, DEVISE A PLAN TO GET THEM BACK TOGETHER

**frances** : nO

**frances** : NO NO NO

**pip pip doodly doo** : (stick to the stuff you know)

**anastasie** : (if you wanna be cool follow one simple rule)

**frances** : DONT!! MESS!! WITH!! THE!! FLOW!! OH!! NO!!

**frances** : WE ARE NOT PLANNING ANY MORE SCHEMES NOR ARE WE GETTING OUR F ATHE R BACK TOGETHER WITH TWO OF HIS EX BOYFRIENDS AT THE 20TH ANNIVERSARY PARTY FOR OUR!! MARRIED!! PARENTS!!

**pip pip doodly doo** : ~~polyamory~~

**frances** : I HAVE FOUR PARENTS AND IM DATING TWO GUYS I KNOW WHAT POLYAMORY IS PHILIP

**pip pip doodly doo** : ITLL BE SO CUTE CMON

**frances** : WE LITERALLY HAD TO PROMISE THAT WE WOULDNT START A RIOT AT THIS PICNIC LIKE WE DID AT THEIR 15TH

**anastasie** : you start one fire

**frances** : T W O FIRES AND WASHINGTON'S EYEBROWS STILL HAVENT GONE BACK TO THEIR FULL ILLUSTRIOUS QUALITY

**anastasie** : HES FORGIVEN ME

**frances** : BC YOU WERE 10 AND WE'RE BASICALLY HIS GRANDCHILDREN HE HAS N O OTHER CHOICE

**anastasie** : EXACTLY

**pip pip doodly doo** : DOES LUCY MADISON KNOW

**anastasie** : YE S

**pip pip doodly doo** : THIS IS HAPPENING MAKE THE GROUP CHAT

**anastasie** : GOING

**frances** : PLE AS E DO NOT

**anastasie** : FI NE

**anastasie** : WE'LL ASK PAR FIRST

**frances** : KSKHDKSDH

\---

**anastasie** : so okay we know we said we Wouldn't cause any problems at your anniversary picnic

**anastasie** : but

**laf** : ana

**pip pip doodly doo** : WE KNOW ABOUT POPS

**anastasie** : AND THOMAS JEFFERSON AND JAMES MADISON

**frances** : I TOLD THEM NOT TO DO THIS

**laf** : why did you ask me about this??

**pip pip doodly doo** : ANA DECIDED YOU ARE OUR MOST TRUSTWORTHY PARENT AND WE NEED INFO

**laf** : while I'm glad you can trust me can you really trust Only Me

**pip pip doodly doo** : no offense par but you're all kind of Terrible at keeping secrets from each other

**pip pip doodly doo** : but we decided you're the Best at Trying

**laf** : I

**laf** : I hate this conversation

**frances** : ME TOO

**pip pip doodly doo** : ANYWAY!! WE WANT DETAILS

**anastasie** : I can Hear you sighing and pinching the bridge of your nose and I'm not even home

**frances** : I'm watching it and it's So Real look what you've done to our parent

**anastasie** : sORRY

**pip pip doodly doo** : SOR RY

**laf** : What Details

**anastasie** : how long did they date?? why did they break up?? did he Love Them?? does pops ever Talk about dating them?? does he still at least talk To them?? is there even the Slightest chance that they would ever get back together??

**laf** : okay wow

**anastasie** : I think Quickly

**laf** : I know mon ange

**laf** : they dated for about three and a half years, and then broke up because thomas and james wanted to Marry him, but alexander couldn't balance being married to five people, so he broke it off with them

**laf** : I'd say he loved them just as much as he loved Us

**laf** : I Hate This Conversation

**frances** : aw that's so sad :^(((

**laf** : he Doesn't talk about it, talks to them Rarely Ever, and as for them getting back together I'm putting it at a v strong Maybe

**anastasie** : I CAN DO THIS

**anastasie** : I CAN SO DO THIS

**anastasie** : PLEASE LET ME DO THIS

**laf** : anastasie

**anastasie** : POPS IS PICKING ME UP IN LIKE HALF AN HOUR THIS IS THE PERFECT TIME

**anastasie** : I INVITE THEM TO THE PICNIC FOR YOU, HE HAS AN AWKWARD RUN IN WITH THEM IN WHICH HE STUTTERS AND PUSHES HIS GLASSES UP 50 THOUSAND TIMES AND I CRY, I SPEND THE NEXT MONTH FOOLPROOFING MY PLAN, AND WE'RE IN ACTION

**frances** : you lit have the next like 45 mins planned that's nothing

**anastasie** : would you like to hear my five paragraph plan that involves geometric symbolism

**anastasie** : it also requires you to have read a 32 page pamphlet on like the basics of body language also written by me

**frances** : hard pass

**frances** : also you're 14 what the fuck

**anastasie** : I take after our father

**pip pip doodly doo** : we've noticed

**anastasie** : jane and lucy are now afraid of me bc I can type two different things at once

**laf** : I regret letting alex ever teach you that skill

**frances** : why do you refer to him by first name

**laf** : it's a pretty name and he's my Husband

**laf** : also why would I Not?? it's not a secret y'all know our names

**pip pip doodly doo** : do we even know all of yours

**anastasie** : I do

**pip pip doodly doo** : bc you had a contest to see who had more

**laf** : as if I would let my own daughter beat me

**anastasie** : you have a title and One More name

**frances** : BACK TO THE POINT

**anastasie:** RIGHT CAN I PLEASE DO THIS

**frances:** giving in look

**frances** : deep sigh from remnants of soul

**laf:** I'll go tell your fathers

**anastasie** : YE S S SSS S S S SSS S S SS S S S  SS

**anastasie** : LOVE YOU

**laf** : love you too

**laf** : I'm too old for this

\---

**little lion** : I'm going to pick up ana I'll be back soon!!

**laf** : love you!!

**johnn** : love you!!

**more like HUNKules** : !!!

**little lion** : I love you too!!

\---  
  
**johnn** : so,,,our 14 year old daughter,,,,wants to get our husband back together with his old boyfriends that he's been broken up with for 12 years now,,,,,at our 20 year anniversary picnic,,,,,even though we all have children and there's only like a 30% chance at Best that it will work

**laf** : yes

**more like HUNKules** : you look you need a hug

**laf** : I Need an death sentence and a fucking scented candle

**laf** : but hug me anyway

**more like HUNKules** : of course

**more like HUNKules** : I love you

**laf** : I love you too <3

**more like HUNKules** : <3

**johnn** : I think she can do it tbh

**johnn** : I mean she once got me to fund her fucking waterbed, through a really weird debate, so I think she can do this

**laf** : but what if it doesn't Work

**more like HUNKules** : if alex doesn't realize what's going on, which is unlikely bc he notices Everything, and he decides he doesn't want to get back together with them, then we accept that and we move on

**johnn** : if alex Does realize what's going on and Wants to get back together with them but They don't feel the same way, then we Support him and comfort him best we can

**more like HUNKules** : if neither of them want to get back together, then we comfort him if he needs it and let whatever happens Happen

**laf** : right

**laf** : I hope it goes well

**laf** : !!! it would be so nice to see alex that happy again

**laf** : not that he's Not happy now but like !!!

**johnn** : we get it love

**more like HUNKules** : different happiness

**laf** : I love him so much I just want him to be Ha pp y

**johnn** : same

**more like HUNKules** : same!!

\---

**anastasie** : I BROUGHT UP THE PICNIC IN FRONT OF THE JEFFERSONS

**anastasie** : AND DAD LOOKED LIKE HE WANTED TO DIE

**more like HUNKules** : please don't kill him we would be so upset

**anastasie** : HES BRI GHT RED

**johnn:** is he Breathing

**anastasie** : I think??

**anastasie:** he had tears in his eyes when he saw jane and lucy I feel bad

**laf:** this might be a Terrible Plan

**anastasie:** ITLL BE FINE TRUST ME

**frances** : this is what you said that time you pierced pip's ears

**pip pip doodly doo** : I still don't know why I let you do that

**anastasie** : BECAUSE IM INCREDIBLE AND IDK WHAT YOURE TALKING ABT I DID IT PERFECTLY ITS PHIL WHO YELLED FOR LIKE SIX YEARS

**pip pip doodly doo** : IT HUR T

**anastasie** : 4/10

**pip pip doodly doo** : RUDE

**johnn** : children please

**anastasie** : RIGHT OKAY SO I DONT KNOW THEIR ACTUAL LAST NAMES?? BUT LIKE ""THOMAS"" ANSWERED THE DOOR AND THEY BOTH JUST KIND OF FROZE AND DAD WAS LIKE ????????? BC HE DI NDT KNOW THAT HE WAS JANE'S DAD AND IM YELLIGN AND ""THOMAS"" IS LIKE """ALEXANDER?? WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE??""" AND HES LIKE ???TO PICK UP MY DAUGHTER??? IS SHE HERE???

**anastasie** : I NOW REALIZE THAT I TOLD THEM MY LAST NAME WAS JUST MULLIGAN

**pip pip doodly doo** : I

**anastasie** : sometimes I just kind of give up on the four last names and say one bc it's easier

**anastasie** : sometimes I just say I don't know

**more like HUNKules** : me

**anastasie** : really though like did I really Deserve all of your last names

**laf** : you either like the long name life or you don't mon ange

**anastasie** : I can do both just watch me

**johnn** : it scares me how much you're like pops sometimes

**anastasie** : I think it scares him too tbh

**more like HUNKules** : it does

**frances** : WHAT!! ELSE!! HAPPENED

**frances** : IF SOMEONE HAS TO HAVE FOCUS IN THIS FAMILY WHY MUST IT BE ME

**pip pip doodly doo** : you're the oldest

**frances** : OUR!! PARENTS!! ARE!! OLDER!! THAN!! ME!!

**anastasie** : I WAS LIKE!! DAD!! AND THEN """THOMAS""" MOVED OUT OF THE DOOR AND """"JAMES"""" SAW HIM AND DROPPED A DISH IN THEIR WEIRD SINK THAT LIKE COMES OUT OF THE COUNTER?? IDK AND THEN IT WAS REALLY SILENT AND I BROUGHT UP THE PICNIC AND I ASKED IF JANE AND LUCY COULD COME AND DAD WAS LIKE ""YEAH SURE OF COURSE MON ANGE"" LIKE IN THE DAD VOICE HE DOES ALL THE TIME AND HE WAS LIKE ""you and james could come too, if you want"" AND """THOMAS"" WAS LIKE ""SURE OF COURSE"" AND THEN DAD TOLD THEM WHERE IT WAS AND WE LEFT AND HES STILL RED WE'RE IN THE ELEVATOR NOW

**more like HUNKules** : did you eat there??

**anastasie** : yes

**more like HUNKules** : okay just making sure

**anastasie** : pops already asked me

**johnn** : we're concerned parents

**anastasie** : and I'm grateful for that but Still

\---

**anastasie** : we'RE GETTING ICE CREAM I LOVE MY LIFE

**little lion** : she Screamed in the elevator

**anastasie** : I'm declaring independence

**little lion** : I

**laf** : HA

**laf** : also tf get me something

**johnn** : SAME

**more like HUNKules** : RT

**pip pip doodly doo** : ME TOO

**frances** : !!!!

**little lion** : what do you want??

**laf:** who is this towards

**little lion** : philip and frances

**little lion** : y'all literally never change fave ice cream flavors it's literally always chocolate, vanilla, and strawberry respectively aka the Most Basic things ever

**more like HUNKules** : I want a divorce

**little lion** : HA

**pip pip doodly doo** : do they have slushies

**little lion** : yes

**pip pip doodly doo** : cHERRY

**frances** : !!! I WANT BLUE RASPBERRY

**little lion** : okay

**frances** : ty!!

**little lion** : no problem!

**frances** : I can he ar the dad voice

**little lion** : I'm being bullied by my own children

**johnn** : H A

\---

**little lion** : we're home!!

**johnn** : ICE C R E AM

**laf:** I love you all so much

**little lion** : we love you too!!

**laf** : also!! we know you ran into thomas and james today

**little lion** : I

**little lion** : I did

**laf** : are you okay??

**little lion** : I'll tell you tomorrow

**laf** : you're lucky I love you

**little lion** : always

\---

**anastasie** : ITS TIME FOR THE PICNIC

**frances** : OH MY GOD PUT THE KAZOO AW A Y

**pip pip doodly doo** : COME HERE

**anastasie** : NO

**pip pip doodly doo** : NO COME HERE

**anastasie** : PARENTS HELP!!!!!!!!

**johnn:** philip please do not kill your sister

**pip pip doodly doo** : SHE WOKE ME UP AT FIVE IN THE MORNING I NEED MY BE AUT Y SLEEP

**anastasie** : honey none of the beauty sleep in the world could fix what you've got

**pip pip doodly doo** : COME  HE RE

**anastasie** : N O

**frances** : GET OUT OF MY R OO M

**anastasie** : PROTECT ME IM TOO CUTE TO DIE THIS YOUNG

**pip pip doodly doo** : FINE ILL JUST TAKE IT OUT ON YOUR WATERBED

**anastasie** : YOU WILL N O T

**frances:** I think philip is dead

**anastasie** : VICTORY!! VICTORY!!

**johnn** : I AM RUNNING DOWN THE STAIRS

**frances** : how is nobody else awake bc of this

**johnn** : we've all gotten used to it

**johnn** : OH MY GOD GET O F F OF HIM

**anastasie** : HE NEEDS TO REPENT FOR HIS SINS

**johnn:** HW ERE DID YOU GET THE PLASTIC TORCH

**anastasie** : FROM WHEN I WAS THE STATUE OF LIBERTY FOR HALLOWEEN

**johnn** : I

**frances** : I use the scales from my justice costume to hold nail polish now

**pip pip doodly doo** : su f fo cating

**anastasie** : TRAGIC

**laf** : Where is my husband

**anastasie** : yknow for someone so short and 43 dad is really strong

**laf** : he's not 43 yet

**anastasie** : in denial

**laf** : I

**johnn** : we're still like 12

**laf** : ,,,yeah,,,,

**anastasie** : PHIL STOLE MY KAZOO

**laf** : philip

**pip pip doodly doo** : damn okay I'm intimidated

**laf** : good

**pip pip doodly doo** : also why do you not Fear for the fact that ana sleeps like she's dead

**pip pip doodly doo** : like face mask on, arms crossed mummy style, lying flat on her back

**anastasie** : I pray that one day, when they come to take the youngest child, that they will see me and assume I'm already dead and take you instead

**pip pip doodly doo** : WHO THE FUCK IS THEY AND WHAT DO YOU MEAN ""WHEN""

**anastasie** : peace out

**pip pip doodly doo** : I'm not sleeping now

**frances** : oh but what will theodosia say if you look like That

**pip pip doodly doo** : well we fell asleep on skype but she's here and Awake now and she says I look adorable so hA

**frances** : ew

**frances** : I'm going back to bed goodbye goodnight

**laf** : goodnight

**johnn** : nigh t

**johnn** : anastasie is?? not letting me leave her room?? I'm being death gripped

**johnn** : I guess I'm staying here now

**laf** : aw

\---

**johnn** : can we get a waterbed

**laf** : absolutely not

**johnn** : damn

\---

**more like HUNKules** : wow okay our 20th anniversary and I wake up Alone

**little lion** : to be fair love I'm peeing and was supposed to be with you Before you woke up

**more like HUNKules** : fine

**more like HUNKules** : I'm still bitter though

**little lion** : but you're so so cute

**more like HUNKules** : you make me blush like a teenager I am a Man

**little lion** : I am ruSHING out to kiss you

**more like HUNKules** : you could at least take your night guard out of your mouth

**little lion** : sorry??

**more like HUNKules** : you're not

**little lion** : it's who I Am hercules

**more like HUNKules** : @@laf and john where tf are you

**johnn** : I was trapped by ana until an hour ago when she woke up and started checking her planner for everything she has to do today and Went off

**johnn** : it scares me how much she's like alex

**little lion** : I KNEW I FORGOT TO DO SOMETHING

**little lion** : CHECK MY PLANNER!!

**more like HUNKules** : he still uses the sparkly one that ana got him for his birthday last year so that they could match

**little lion** : it's cute and she made her own organization key in it which makes everything easier I'm So proud

**johnn** : sa me

**little lion** : come up here so we can cry about our cHILDRNE

**johnn** : !!we're making waffles!!

**johnn** : we would've been up sooner but ana stole like five and is eating them plain like with just her hands

**little lion** : me

**laf** : literally

**little lion** : we've been together for 20 years

**little lion** : dis gustin g

**more like HUNKules** : I love you all so much

**little lion** : we love you too!!

**laf** : love you!!

**johnn** : love you hercules!!

**laf** : we're coming up now!!

**little lion** : !!!

\---

**little lion** : WHY ARE YOU SCREAMING

**laf** : I DROPPED A WAFFLE

**laf** : SHE WAS SO YOUNG

**more like HUNKules** : you're going to wake up pip and frances

**laf** : THEYLL FORGIVE ME

**laf** : IT WAS SO GOOD IT HAD ALL THE TOPPINGS ON IT

**johnn** : l o v e

**laf** : FU CK THIS IM BRINGING UP THE WHOLE CAN OF WHIPPED CREAM UPSTAIRS

**little lion** : didn't we agree to stop having sex with whipped cream

**laf** : ITSKSNKH FOR TH E WAF F LE S

**little lion** : that,,,,didn't answer my question

**laf** : Y E S WE AGREED DO N O T TALK ABOUT IT

**laf** : JOHN GRAB THE BLUEBERRIES

**more like HUNKules** : wow you're really going all out

**laf** : TWENTY YEARS

**more like HUNKules** : TWENTY

**more like HUNKules** : YEARS

\---

**johnn** : we still act like we did 20 years ago

**johnn** : that's Weird isn't it

**laf** : I don't know??

**laf** : being with you always makes me feel like I'm 22 again, and trust me I am Far from 22

**laf** : I'm closer to be 60 than I am to being 22

**johnn** : WE'RE CLOSER TO BEING 60 THAN WE ARE TO BEING 22

**little lion** : EW

**little lion** : WE'RE SO O L D

**more like HUNKules** : maybe we just don't age

**little lion** : I have to dye my hair now hercules We've Aged

**more like HUNKules** : you found your first gray hair when you were like 24 though

**little lion** : D O N OT

**more like HUNKules** : HA

**laf** : WHAT WAS THA T

\---

**frances** : I WAS SO HYPED TO GET REVENGE ON ANA FOR THE KAZOO THING

**frances** : I BUST TF INTO HER ROOM

**frances** : BUST OUT SOME FANCY TUNES ON MY FUCKING TROMBONE

**frances** : AND SHES IN THE LIVING ROOM COLOR CODING THE SPEECH THAT I W ROTE FOR TODAY AND PROOFREADING IT

**anastasia** : I heard you crying At your trombone for ten minutes before you even left your room  
  
**frances** : ITS NOT THE MOST LOVING INSTRUMENT ALRIGHT

**anastasia** : also Please get a thesaurus

**frances** : @@parents: can I kill her

**johnn** : No

**laf** : n O

**more like HUNKules** : sadly not love sorry

**little lion** : why kill her when you could Collaborate

**frances** : true

**frances** : ,,,,,,pip is still asleep

**johnn** : oh dear god

**anastasie** : IM GETTING MY KAZOO

**little lion** : rip pip

**laf** : RIP PIP

\---

**pip pip doodly doo** : now that my sisters are dead and I am left Victorious

**pip pip doodly doo** : who's all coming to the picnic???

**more like HUNKules** : ,,,,what do you mean your sisters are dead

**anastasie** : he's Crushing us

**anastasie** : but also yeah who's coming??

**little lion** : I gave you a guest list

**anastasie** : it's in my planner and phil is Crushing Me

**frances** : why are ana and pops like,,,weird business partners,,,,

**johnn** : we're not sure

**little lion** : nonetheless!!

**little lion** : the seven of us are going of course

**laf** : the washingtons, do not light them on fire

**laf** : Again

**anastasie** : we didn't light martha on fire

**pip pip doodly doo** : and we only lit gwash a Little

**laf** : p le a se

**frances** : We Won't

**laf** : thank you

**laf** : ??who else is going I'm drawing a blank rn

**more like HUNKules** : uncle hugh, aunt elizabeth, and william

**frances** : how old is william??

**more like HUNKules** : 10

**frances** : aw  
  
**frances** : our only Actual first cousin

**anastasie** : didn't aunt elizabeth and uncle hugh break up??

**laf** : they did but they're still friends

**pip pip doodly doo** : do I still have to call her aunt elizabeth then

**johnn** : if you want to live

**pip pip doodly doo** : right

**johnn** : all of your aunts and uncles on my side of the Family

**anastasie** : wOOO

**laf** : aunt angelica, uncle john ((church)), dolley, and martha are coming with All of their children

**frances** : that's weird how we're not related to them though but like,,,,we Are

**pip pip doodly doo** : our Not-Cousins

**frances** : exactly

**johnn** : aunt peggy is coming

**johnn** : aunt eliza and maria are coming w/ their daughters

**anastasie** : SUSAN AND ANGELICA????

**laf** : yes those are their daughters

**pip pip doodly doo** : Y E S

**frances** : MY F A V ES

**anastasie** : THEYRE SO CUTE IM LOVE THEM

**pip pip doodly doo** : !!THEODOSIA AND HER PARENTS ARE COMING

**little lion** : b u r r

**little lion** : we're in-laws with the Burrs

**laf** : they're 17 and they're not Allowed to get married yet

**pip pip doodly doo** : can I when I'm 18

**laf** : nO

**laf** : MINIMUM 20 YEARS OLD AND ONLY IF YOURE SURE

**pip pip doodly doo** : FIN E

**more like HUNKules** : alex, dearest you've known burr for 20 years now you can't Still hate him can you

**little lion** : he has done Nothing to prove to me that he's changed in anyway since 2012

**pip pip doodly doo** : mr. burr is nice

**little lion** : he's Stoic

**little lion** : I don't Do Stoics

**laf** : well hopefully not

**little lion** : we're not Talking about this in front of our children

**frances** : e W

**laf** : are francis and james coming?? I know you told them about it

**frances** : I did but we all kind of decided since they've only ever met you Once it would be kind of weird

**laf** : I like them they bought me chocolate

**john** : no, they bought Us chocolate bc frances Told them to, bc they're her Boyfriends and she wants us to like them, and you locked yourself in the bathroom and ate all of it like a Heathen

**laf** : you love me

**johnn** : I do

**frances** : e w

**anastasie** : oh!! and then jane, lucy, and their parents are coming!!

**little lion** : right

\---

**laf** : you did that on purpose

**anastasie** : all part of the plan par

**laf** : unbelievable

\---

**pip pip doodly doo** : @@frances can you paint my nails for me

**frances** : commission me

**pip pip doodly doo** : I have Nothing but banana laffy taffy and a grape jolly rancher

**frances** : ,,,,how many laffy taffy

**pip pip doodly doo** : 10

**frances** : deal

**pip pip doodly doo** : woOOOO

\---

**theodosia the Second** : WHAT DO I WEAR TO THIS PICNIC

**pip pip doodly doo** : hello theo this is Anastasie-Louise Pauline Hamilton-Laurens-Mulligan-Lafayette, aka pip's sister, and I'm texting for him bc frances is doing his nails rn and he Cannot come to the phone

**theodosia the Second** : oh okay hello ana

**pip pip doodly doo:** philip said you could just wear whatever but he's fuckign Stupid and doesn't know what our family is About so I'm taking creative control - ana

**theodosia the Second** : I think you just became my favorite person

**pip pip doodly doo** : it happens

**pip pip doodly doo** : anyway!! in the Hamilton-Laurens-Mulligan-Lafayette fam, color coordination is Everything, for some?? weird?? reason?? and we're all wearing pastels, which is odd bc this is our easter palette but they're our parents and it's their 20th anniversary so we didn't argue - ana

**pip pip doodly doo** : phil is wearing pastel blue, specifically hex code C1F4E8, so you should probs try to match that - ana

**pip pip doodly doo** : if you want to go really Into it, make sure your parents are the opposite of that - ana

**theodosia the Second** : right

**theodosia the Second** : thank you!!

**pip pip doodly doo** : ,,,,,it's philip now

**theodosia the Second** : hello love!!

**pip pip doodly doo** : hello dear

**theodosia the Second** : do your nails match your shirt??

**pip pip doodly doo** : yes!! and they have cute little silver stars on them

**theodosia** the Second: wait I just checked the actual color she sent me

**pip pip doodly doo** : ,,,,,,,,

**theodosia the Second** : ,,,,you?? matched My nail color to Your shirt?? and then in turn matched Your nails to Mine

**pip pip doodly doo** : I'm very in love with you and come from a family where color coordination is basically the same as saying you love someone

**theodosia the Second** : I love you too oh my god p ip

**pip pip doodly doo** : <3 <3 <3

**theodosia the Second** : <3 <3 <3!!

**theodosia the Second** : also did your sister have to like look up the code for the color or did she just like know it??

**pip pip doodly doo** : I don't even know

**pip pip doodly doo** : she knows like Everything so I don't doubt it

**theodosia the Second** : I Love Her

**pip pip doodly doo** : she says you wouldn't be the first

theodosia the Second: a H!!

\---

**frances** : it's sad that I'm the punctual one in this family

**anastasie** : yoURE N O T

**anastasie** : I DIDNT FACTOR WASHING MY GLASSES INTO MY SCHEDULE IT WAS A MISTAKE DONT HOLD IT AGAINST ME AND START GIVING YOURSEF TITLES YOU DIDNT EARN SUCH AS ""pUNCTUAL""

**frances** : Where are our Parents

**pip pip doodly doo** : in their room and, unless either of You want to be subjected to the fucking hell image that is them making out, we're not going to get them

**anastasie** : they make out in front of us all the time shouldn't we be,,,used,,,to this??

**frances** : oh it is Not the same

**frances** : we've managed to Keep you from that for all these years

**anastasie** : it can't be that bad I'm going to get them

**frances** : rip ana 2017-2032

**anastasie** : I

\---

**anastasie** : JESUS FUC K

**anastasie** : MY CHILD EY SE

**pip pip doodly doo** : we tried to warn you

**anastasie** : I WANT TO BECOME A NUN AFTER THAT I JSUT WITNESSED HELL INCA RNATE

**frances** : we weren't even raised religiously what are you Talking about

**anastasie** : ANYTHING TO FO RGE T TH AT

**pip pip doodly doo** : do I put my hair in a bun or not for this

**anastasie** : I hate having so many long haired people in our family like I love y'all but Please

**pip pip doodly doo** : we can't all look cute in curly bob cuts anastasie

**anastasie** : thank you for calling me cute I Agree

**pip pip doodly doo** : anyway,,,,bun or nO BUN

**frances** : are you asking to look cute or to Not match our parents

**pip pip doodly doo** : B O TH

**anastasie** : oh if it's to not match our parents then Yes bun

**pip pip doodly doo** : did you see that when you walked in the room??

**anastasie** : YES AND SH U T UP

**pip pip doodly doo** : h A

\---

**pip pip doodly doo** : just like a question

**pip pip doodly doo** : why couldn't we go like,,,,,,on the Boat we own or like,,,,,any place without grass

**frances** : the boat we own is named Frances you forgot to mention it's named frances

**pip pip doodly doo** : yeah yeah whatever first born first boat

**laf** : ana and pops Literally hate the boat so No, and parks are cute

**pip pip doodly doo** : still

**little lion** : aw phil is angry bc of his Allergies

**ana** : which are Super mild like ??? level tf up???

**pip pip doodly doo** : grass is literally Out to get me every single day and y'all just Let Her

**pip pip doodly doo** : also?? how would you feel if your eyes look like two puff pastries and you can't stop crying in frONT OF YOUR GIRLFRIEND

**frances** : honestly I'd be happy just to have a girlfriend tbh

**anastasie** : ,,,,rt

**pip pip doodly doo** : FRANCES YOU ALREADY HAVE TWO BOYFRIENDS

**frances** : YEAH AND I LOVE THEM BUT IM ALSO REALLY GAY AND REALLY POLY

**johnn** : relatable

**pip pip doodly doo** : MOVING ON

**more like HUNKules** : ARE WE ALL READY

**frances** : yES

**little lion** : WAIT I NEED TO WASH MY GLASSES

**anastasie** : the fatal flaw

\---

**laf** : my cHILDREN!! YOU ALL LOOK SO NICE!!!

**pip pip doodly doo** : ,,are you crying??

**little lion** : yOUVE ALL GROWN UP SO MUCH!!

**anastasie** : if this group hug I'm about to start Ruins my hair, I'll throw a fit

**laf** : same

**johnn** : rt

**more like HUNKules** : I

**little lion** : rt

**frances** : me too honestly

**pip pip doodly doo** : rt

\---

**johnn** : can you believe we're a van family now??

**laf** : we are Not a van family

**laf** : it's an SUV

**little lion** : it has been 12 years and you're still denying the fact that we're a Vamily

**laf** : VAMILY

**laf** : I WANT A DI VO R C E

**more like HUNKules** : we have three kids love, a van is Necessary just accept it

**laf** : n e v e r

\---

**frances** : sometimes I always forget how Big our family is

**pip pip doodly doo** : I know!! I'd think it would be cool if we weren't All Embarrassing

**anastasie** : !!!!!! SU S AN AND AN GE LIC A AR E HER E !!!!!!!!

**frances** : SUSAN!!!!!

**pip pip doodly doo** : ANGELICA!!!!

\---

**frances** : tag yourself I'm william mulligan's crush on mary schuyler-wayles  
  
**frances** : it's so cute!! they're so small!! he keeps bringing her dandelions and saying he wants to marry her I'm going to D iE

**anastasie** : I'm pops taking shots out from the chocolate fountain

**pip pip doodly doo** : I'm the fact that even though everyone here is our family, we basically have like four names that we just recycle and then we have to use last names when talking about them bc there are So Many

**anastasie** : me and frances don't have any other people with our names

**frances** : chOKE PHILIP

**pip pip doodly doo** : RU DE

**anastasie** : H A

\---

**anastasie** : THE PLAN IS IN PLACE!! """THOMAS""" AND """JAMES""" ARE HERE!!!

**frances** : stop with the fuckign quotation marks it makes thems sound like imposters or something

**anastasie** : fine

**anastasie** : thomas keeps gently touching flower petals and looking Sad and I can't handle this someone please get dad back together with them

**pip pip doodly doo** : you're in charge of that ana

**anastasie** : RIGHT

**anastasie** : internally, I just did my fucking magical girl transformation and it was glorious but you can't see it

**pip pip doodly doo** : I Hate You

**anastasie** : you still put chopsticks in your nose and pretend to be a walrus you have No Room to speak

**pip pip doodly doo** : I'm going to talk to theo bc she's heRE!! NOW!! and pray she doesn't see me crying from all the fucking grass bYE

**anastasie** : peace tf out

\---

**laf** : ana dear what Exactly is your plan for this

**anastasie** : classified info

**anastasie** : heS NOT NOTICING THE SYMBOLISM OF HOW THEIR STANDING

**laf** : your dad??

**anastasie** : EI THER OF THE OTH  ER TWO

**anastasie** : DAD GETS ITS PERFECTLY AND HE KEEPS ASKING ME WHAT IM DOING BUT I WONT TELL HIM AND THIS WHOLE PLAN IS BASED ON THIS ONE INTEGRAL POINT

**laf** : a na

**anastasie** : I GIVE UP I HATE THIS IM LOCKING THEM IN THE BATHROOM

**laf** : I've never seen you give up

**anastasie** : WHO KNEW ADULTS WERE SO DIFFICULT

**laf** : oh mon ange

**anastasie** : HOW DID IT HAPPEN THE FIRST TIME

**laf** : an incident similar to locking them in the bathroom

**anastasie** : I'LL TAKE IT

**laf** : should I be against this?? I feel like I should be against this

**anastasie** : PROBABLY BUT NOW IS NOT THE TIM E

**laf** : I

**laf** : godspeed

\---

**little lion** : THATS WHAT SHE MEANT BY THE FUCKIGN GEOMETRIC SYMBOLISM THING???

**little lion** : I KNEW SHE MEANT SOMETHING BUT I COULDNT?? SHE SHOULDNT KNOW THAT THIS EVER HAPPENED?? WHATS GOING ON??

**johnn** : short version is that jane madison told her that you used to date, showed her that Adorable wedding picture you took, and then ana asked laf and they filled in some of the spaces

**johnn** : they think laf is their most trustworthy parent which I think is fake bc it's definitely hercules??

**more like HUNKules** : I have never once managed to keep a secret from you what the Fuck are you talking about

**johnn** : anyway,,,,

**johnn** : ana saw how you Acted around them when you went to pick her up and she's been planning this for a Month to try and get you back together and we Know you're still in love with them even after 12 years of being apart from them and so we're going along with it

**laf** : please at least Talk to them alexander

**little lion** : I broke up with Them

**little lion** : for a reason!! a real one!! and while things have Changed I don't think that they're going to take me back just because I can't get over feelings from when I was fucking 30

**more like HUNKules** : don't you consider the time when you were dating them the best of your life?? like??

**little lion** : I consider the past twenty years the best of my life because I've had you in them

**johnn** : we love you so much but ana Will Not let you out of the bathroom until she hears you get back together

**laf** : she tied a rope to the handle of the door and then the other end to a tree you're not getting out

**more like HUNKules** : speaking of the rope,,,,

**more like HUNKules** : ,,,,where,,,,did she,,,,get that,,,,,,

**johnn** : wait

**laf** : that can't be

**more like HUNKules** : IT IS THOUGH LIKE LOOK AT IT IT DEFINITELY IS

**johnn** : she's not aLLOWED IN OUR NIGHTSTAND THOUGH

**laf** : FOR THE SPECIFIC PURPOSE THAT SHE DOESNT S E E THAT

**more like HUNKules** : GOD I WANT TO DIE

**little lion** : I

**little lion** : thomas just told me he missed me

**laf** : PLEAS E TALK TO THEM LOVE

**johnn** : WE HAVE TO TALK TO OUR DAUGHTER NOW ABOUT GOING IN THE FU CKING LUBE DRAWER I WANT TO DIE

**more like HUNKules** : R T

\---

**anastasie** : ,,,,,,,did y'all know what was in the nightstand drawers we're not allowed to go in

**pip pip doodly doo** : yes

**frances** : no??

**pip pip doodly doo** : WHAT

**frances** : ??WHATS IN IT??

**pip pip doodly doo** : I WENT IN IT WHEN I WAS LIKE 12 LOOKING FOR DADS FUCKIGN PLANNER BC I DIDNT SEE IT WHERE HE SAID IT WAS AND FOUND tHINGS

**anastasie** : THATS WHERE I GOT THIS !!! ROPE!!! AND I DIDN TKNOW BC EVERYTHING ELSE WAS IN BOXES EX CE PT ALL THE FUCKIGN R O P E SO I JUST THOUGHT IT WAS LIKE A JUNK DRAWER

**anastasie** : I DONT WANT TO UN DE RSTA N D

**frances** : WAIT

**frances** : Y'ALL DIDNT

**frances** : D IS GUS TIN G

**frances** : HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT OUR PARENTS NOW

**pip pip doodly doo** : I SA W WHAT WAS IN THERE

**pip pip doodly doo** : I DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT MOST OF IT WAS AND IM TOO SCARED TO FIND OUT I HATE MY LIFE THIS IS BRINGING UP MEMORIES OF THAT DRAWER

**anastasie** : THEY LITERALLY ASKED ME WHERE I GOT THE ROPE AND IW AS LIKE !!! THE DRAWER IN YOUR BEDROOM AND THEY WERE LIKE HAHA YEAH YOU PROBABLY SHOULDNT GO IN THERE ANYMORE BC WE DONT WANT YOU TO BE LIKE TRAUMATIZED AND IT IMMEDIATELY CLICKED

**anastasie** : OH WAIT DAD IS TALKING TO JAMES AND THOMAS

**pip pip doodly doo** : how am I supposed to make out with my girlfriend now that you brought the drawer up

**anastasie** : THE SAME WAY IM STILL LISTENING IN ON THIS CONVO AND SNOOPING WHERE IM NOT SUPPOSED TO

**frances** : godspeed to both of you

\---

**little lion** : haha so

**macaroni fUCK** : I've missed this group chat

**jmadzzz** : same

**little lion** : every time I try and speak I Can't so this is what I'm resorting to and yes I understand it's weird but go with it

**macaroni fUCK** : that's fine love

**macaroni fUCK** : alex I meant alex

**macaroni fUCK** : fuck

**little lion** : you're okay

**macaroni fUCK** : no!! tbh!! I'm not!!  honestly texting you and talking to you hurts so bad!! still!! even after 12 years it feels like the day you kissed us and walked out of our bedroom, out of our lives, and I!!

**macaroni fUCK** : I can't deal with that

**little lion** : I understand

**jmadzzz** : alex we still love you

**macaroni fUCK** : and it's been over a decade but Every Single Time we talk to each other at work and Act as if we weren't Dating once, as if I didn't propose to you once, it fucking !!! kills me!!! inside

**macaroni fUCK** : and I know you might not feel the same way anymore but I can't just never tell you that I Have to tell you that

**little lion** : I do!! feel the same way!! jesus fuck how would I Ever get over you two

**macaroni fUCK** : oH

**little lion** : you proposed to me

**little lion** : and I Couldn't marry you, and that never would've changed, and we couldn't just go back to the way it was before and erase it like it never happened because it Did

**little lion** : I Had to make that sacrifice and I'm still so sorry about it but it was Inevitable

**jmadzzz** : we know

**macaroni fUCK** : what we Want to know however,,,,,

**jmadzzz** : would you be willing to try and date us again??

**little lion** : what if you want to marry me again

**macaroni fUCK** : if we want to marry you, but it's not the right time, then we'll Wait

**jmadzzz** : we'd wait until the end of time for One More shot with you alexander

**little lion** : I

**little lion** : okay

**macaroni fUCK** : oKAY??

**little lion** : okay.

**macaroni fUCK** : !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**jmadzzz** : ,,,,,,can I kiss you??

**little lion** : oh I've Definitely missed this

\---

**anastasie** : THEY LITERALLY STOPPED SPEAKING BUT THEY JUST LAUGHED

**laf** : untie the door

**anastasie** : ?????

**johnn** : they're 42/43 years old you'd think they'd be able to have a verbal conversation

**more like HUNKules** : yeah but alex Can't speak when he gets really !!!

**laf** : true

**johnn** : I love him

**pip pip doodly doo** : PLEASE DONT

**johnn** : I will Disown you

**pip pip doodly doo** : RUDE

\---

**little lion** : listen as happy as I am that we're going to try this again

**little lion** : it's my 20th anniversary

**macaroni fUCK** : we understand love

**jmadzzz** : we can talk about it later

**little lion** : !!!

**little lion** : <3 <3 <3

**macaroni fUCK** : <3 <3 <3

**jmadzzz** : <3 <3 <3

\---

**little lion** : ,,,,,,,

**laf** : NOW THAT YOU'RE BACK TOGETHER WITH THEM, OUR ANNIVERSARIES LINE UP

**little lion** : oh god

**laf** : THIS MEANS THAT AT YOUR FIVE YEAR ANNIVERSARY, IT WILL BE OUR 25TH

**laf** : THIS MIGHT MAKE THINGS AWKWARD AT THE 30/50 YEAR ANNIVERSARY PARTY BUT WE'LL MAKE IT WORK

**johnn** : l a f a y e t t e

**laf** : IM SO HAPPY RIGHT NOW THEYRE BACK TOGETHER

**johnn** : SAME HONESTLY THOUGH FUCK IT U P ALEXANDER

**more like HUNKules** : IM ALSO HAPPY BUT HELP ME THE CHILDREN ARE TRYING TO CLIMB ME

**johnn** : who do you think suggested they do it??

**more like HUNKules** : TR AI TOR

\---

**laf** : okay so yknow how I never ask you for Anything

**johnn** : No

**laf** : f I NE but this is important

**little lion** : we're not having anymore children

**laf:** PLEASE

**more like HUNKules** : nO

**laf** : BUT OUR KIDS ARE SO CUTE!! AND I LOVE THEM SO MUCH AND I WANT 20 MORE

**johnn** : N O

**little lion** : WE'RE TOO OLD FOR MORE CHILDREN

**laf** : P!! L E A! S E!!!!

**more like HUNKules** : WE'RE IN OUR EARLY 40'S LOVE WE CANT HANDLE THAT

**laf** : IM BEGGING YOU

**little lion** : D E A R E S T

**laf** : LOOK AT THEM THEYRE SO CUTE I WANT LIKE 50

**little lion** : AND WHILE I STILL AGREE, AS I ALWAYS HAVE, IF WE HAVE A CHILD NOW WE'D BE IN OUR LATE 50'S EARLY 60'S BY THE TIME THEY GRADUATE HIGH SCHOOL

**laf** : ITD BE SO!! WORTH IT THOUGH

**johnn** : THERE ARE 14 CHILDREN IN OUR FAMILY NOT EVEN INCLUDING JOHNS SIBLINGS, WHO I THINK YOUVE STARTED TO SEE AS CHILDREN BC YOU ARE GETTING OLDER

**laf** : THEYRE LIKE BA BIES

**little lion** : RIGHT SO THATS 19 CHILDREN, WHICH IS CLOSE TO 20

**laf** : STILL!!!

**more like HUNKules** : tbh I think this is more of a lowercase conversation

**laf:** ,,,,true

**johnn** : are you like actually Serious though

**laf** : it would be Nice

**laf** : our children are beautiful I would love to have more of them

**little lion** : oh love

**laf** : idk maybe it's nostalgia  
  
**laf** : they're so Old now

**more like HUNKules** : we're a bit older now too though

**laf** : I've said it before though!!

**laf** : you don't make me Feel like I'm older

**laf** : I still feel like I'm 22 when I'm with you, in the line at that dairy queen, talking about my Horrendous job at pier 1 imports and not knowing how in love I'd be in such a short time

**johnn** : we love you so much

**laf** : I love you too!!

**little lion** : don't get me wrong I love you sincerely but if we were still 22 I wouldn't be 60% forehead

**laf** : it's receded 1/8 of an inch you literally make me measure it do Not

**laf** : also that just means you have more forehead for me to kiss  
  
**little lion** : I'm still So Weak for all of you what the fuck

**laf** : come!! here!! omg

\---

**GWASH** : alexander

**little lion** : ????

**GWASH** : your daughter just asked me for a junior internship

**GWASH** : she has a lemon scented resume

**little lion** : I love her so much

**GWASH** : she used you as a reference and I'm here to check in

**little lion** : oH MY GOD

**little lion** : OF COURSE

**little lion** : SHE IS THE PERFECT CANDIDATE FOR THIS

**little lion** : SHE IS BASICALLY ME BUT SMALLER AND JUST AS HARDWORKING

**little lion** : I HAVE SO MUCH TO SAY ABOUT MY SMALL DAUGHTER HOLD ON SHE LIT MAKES ME WRITE JOURNALS ABOUT IT SO THAT I CAN WRITE RECOMMENDATION LETTERS IN THE FUTURE

**GWASH** : I

**GWASH** : we don't even Have a junior internship program

**little lion** : then let her be the first??

**GWASH** : oh of course as far as I'm concerned she already has the job

**little lion** : Y E S

**little lion** : OH MY GOD IM CRYING

**little lion** : IM GOING TO TELL MARTHA

**GWASH** : godspeed

\---

**MWASH** : MY GR AND D A UGH T ER

**GWASH** : are you crying??

**MWASH** : YES

**MWASH** : THESE ARE OUR GRANDCHILDREN GEORGE WE HAVE TO BE PROUD OF THEM

**GWASH** : yes I gave her the internship I am Immensely proud of her for everything she has accomplished

**MWASH** : CAN WE THROW HER A PARTY

**GWASH** : I'm sure They would be okay with that

**MWASH** : oh me and alexander are already planning it we just wanted to see if you'd come

**GWASH** : of course

\---

**laf** : IM EXHA U S T ED

**more like HUNKules** : still want more kids??

**laf** : yES but honestly I can wait for the Grandchildren

**little lion** : oh my god don't even get me st a r t ed

**johnn** : how do you even know we'll Have grandchildren

**laf** : pip left his sketchbook open on the coffee table last week and it's half sketches of theodosia jr. and then like writing?? and he's drafting how to Casually bring up the idea of literally proposing to her bc he wants them to grow up and have kids and live the rest of their lives together

**laf** : and he is Seventeen

**more like HUNKules** : he's head over heels in love with her that's cute

**johnn** : I mean

**johnn** : look at who his influences are in Love like ??

**laf** : aw true I love us

**johnn** : same

**little lion** : speaking of phil and theo??

**laf** : they're making out behind a tree over there and I'm pretending I don't notice

**more like HUNKules** : if we don't stop them we're going to get grandchildren Way sooner than anticipated

**johnn:** jesus

\---

**johnn** : STOP SINNING

**pip pip doodly doo** :  D A D

**laf** : THAT TREE IS N O T AS SECURE AS YOU THINK IT IS

**johnn** : ALSO BURR KNOWS WHERE YOU ARE AND WHAT YOURE DOING AND HES POINTEDLY NOT LOOKING THERE

**more like HUNKules** : ALEX KEEPS MAKING TREE PUNS AND WINKING PLEASE STOP THIS SO BURR ACTUALLY MAKES IT HOME ALIVE

**pip pip doodly doo** : KSHKASHDKASLHDLKASDHLASKDH

**pip pip doodly doo** : WERE LEAVING JE S US

**johnn** : also why wouldn't you just go in the bathroom?? where there's walls?? and a locked door?? have we taught you Nothing??

**pip pip doodly doo** : MMMMMMMMMMMIM GOING TO DECLARE INDEPENDENCE

**johnn** : AH

\---

**little lion** : it's nice having children who are under drinking age that can drive so we can just sit squished in the back of our van while they argue over musical soundtracks to listen to

**laf** : I love you all so much

**johnn** : we love you too

**laf** : I've spent almost every day for the past 20 years with you, and I plan to spend as many days as possible with you for as Long as I live

**little lion** : we've grown so much oh my god

**johnn** : we have Kids now

**johnn** : like literal children that we raised and are Still raising

**more like HUNKules** : frances goes to college in august

**laf** : philip graduates high school in a year

**little lion** : anastasie starts her junior internship in a week and is almost Done with her freshman year

**johnn** : I'm so proud of them

**johnn** : I'm so proud of Us

**laf** : I'm so happy I got to spend my life with you

**johnn** : I'm so happy you chose to spend your life with us

**little lion** : 20 years

**more like HUNKules** : well

**more like HUNKules** : here's to the next 20

**laf** : we don't have any glasses to clink together :^((

**more like HUNKules** : kiss me instead??

**laf** : ,,,now that I can do

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !!it's officially been one year since I started 1-800!! it's been Wild and such an interesting experience thank you so much to everyone who read it!!
> 
> tumblr: lol-phan-af, honestly just come scream with me I'm Sobbing over this right now


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